So confused...

[rachel blond]

So...this is my story... enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263684

 

A little back story on us...

We met in high school and we went on a couple dates, nothing serious. I was just really into school and didnt want a relationship get in the way. But we went to a huge school and so when whenever we did see eachother, sparks flew. To this day we said we have a major connection we dont understand...but it seems like we always meet in bad timing.

 

After Highschool, we lost contact for a bit and he went off to the military. I was working one day when we was on leave and we saw eachother after two years.

Imediately we started talking again, and when he left we wrote for awhile. Then he told me he wanted to leave the army for me and pursue a relationship with me (he was in tech school at the time). I said no, because I cant be that selfish and be responsible for ending a career. Also what if he did, and we didnt work out, I'd have that on my conscience of the rest of my life.

Anyway, he was heartbroken...

 

A few years later I met my ex husband, got married...but still always had him on my mind. Wondering how he was doing, if he was happy...and then we found eachother through Mypace. We kept intouch throughout my marriage just as friends, never really talked about the old feeling we had, just making sure we were good and happy... and on begins my story (link above).

[catfeeder]

You probably need to give this a long and strict NC period so you both can cool off. If you can pull back your microscope just enough, you'll see that he's been manipulative and rather mean. He should not have tried to rush you, much less turn punitive because he couldn't get what he wanted when he wanted it. He's not a respecter of your perfectly normal need for divorce recovery time. That's not a good sign.

 

Given the length of your connection over history, it's not likely that this will be your last dealing with him. But caution--don't lose sight of what is reasonable behavior or his torch will burn you. He hasn't been acting in your best interest--and that's not love, it's something else.

 

Allow your sensible vision to return. Let him outgrow his temper tantrum over time, but be brutally honest about whether that's even possible for him. Chemistry alone will not overcome his short-sightedness, reactivity and mean-spiritedness. If you involve yourself with him prematurely, you could suffer needlessly and endlessly for that error. He needs to realize what he's doing on his own. He may or may not grow into someone safe to be around.

 

Meanwhile, you've done nothing wrong. Sure, it wasn't great to take his bait and get caught so tight in his web of spitefulness. The best way to untangle yourself is to quit over-thinking and trying to please him. Do what it takes to relax and see things from a distance. You both need to pipe down, so let it start with you.

 

In your corner.

[rachel blond]

Aw, thanks for the advice...the NC is so hard, but it's gotta be done. Ive finally realized that I derserve to be loved 100%, not 30% or just on his time. If he wants to be with me that bad, he'll come around, but Im not chasing him anymore!!

Deep down I know all this, now it's time to believe it and put it into action!!