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I just don't know


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Hello everyone...


Lately in my life I've been going through a very awkward stage. I'm 16 years old, a junior student at my High School, get pretty much what I ask for, have great people and friends in my life, and I would say my life is better than 90% of the people on the planet. However, the awkward part is, I'm not happy. Almost ever...


Every time I start talking to my parents, I get such anger in me, I start wanting to do stupid things like murder, robbery, etc... I don't know why, even the sound of their voice just rushes through me and I get annoyed, and pissed off, and start thinking weird things in my head that are not for the good.


I do not know why I am not happy, any teenager would want my life, but I dislike it sometimes so much, that I just want to end my road. I either want to do something so stupid, that it'll get me to jail, or just end it all. I do not know if it's the things I watch that affect me, but I've been watching a lot of Prison Brake lately, and all I can think about is how I wish to go to jail and get abused in my life to the point that it's hopeless.


I want to do something illegal, and not just something illegal, something so terrible that it'll get me charged as an adult and put me in a life sentence in prison. I do not know why I am thinking like this lately... I never used to be like this, until I just started getting frustrated with the voices I hear around me.


I only like to be alone, and when I'm around my friends, I do not feel left out, rather I want to just leave, or hurt them. Is there any advice the people on this forum can give me? Because I do not want to live an unhappy life, if I end up doing so, I just might do something I'm going to regret forever...


Thank you for your time.

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This might sound trite and dismissive, but I don't intend it that way. Your story is partly where the name 'raging hormones' came from. Most people think it's just sexual, but it's more than that.


I heard a great analogy--think of an olympic size swimming pool and one eyedropper full of chemical hormones that were dyed a color. If you squeezed it into the pool, the entire color of the pool would change--that's how powerful they are. And you're 16. Right in the middle of all that power flooding your body and mind. That doesn't mean your problems aren't real--it means they're very real.


While nobody can talk you into happiness, I can at least suggest that you sound intelligent enough to be able to consider real consequences that aren't glamorized by some TV show. That alone is reason enough to consider counseling--someone trained to help you talk through this time without feeling like a freak. I understand you're too smart for some bull$h!t therapy that doesn't require much of you; you can always ask for an assessment and referral for better treatment if it doesn't seem to help.


I hope you'll write more if it helps, and please hang in there.


In your corner.

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Thank you for your input catfeeder. I've read your post yesterday and had time to think. Today I tried to look up, and try not to be so miffed by everything, and it really seemed to calm me down. I enjoyed today, and I didn't feel angry about things. I'm going to try and keep this type of mood up.


I tried talking to some of my close comrades, and it felt good to let everything I was holding out. I was a bit bitter and confound, but I think I am doing OK as of right now. There's a little discrepancy between my moods, but I'll do alright.


I'll try to keep my head up, thank you for your time again, I'll stay out of my indiscreet cogitation.

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First of all, I am not sure about what this "hearing voices" stuff is about. I don't know if you mean your parents voices or that they are voices in your head. Either way, you need to see a counseler immediately. In your state, those thoughts are going to come right back around and you will feel terrible and dangerous again. You also need to be completely honest with the therapist. As they say, put your cards on the table.


You may also be in a toxic family. Some families are highly emotionally abusive. The abusiveness can come in alot of forms. Usually with highly abusive families, homelife can either be a graveyard or a war zone. Nobody expresses their thoughts and feelings until the bubble over into an all out angerfest and verbal warfare (for example, check out an episode of the old television show All in the Family). Being a real person is hard work, becoming in touch with your emotions (and expressing them in a responsible way) and thoughts, being responsible for everything you are part of, creating a happy life, these things are the attributes of a real adult. Sadly some parents have never grown up, they have just given the appearance that they got it together. Having a house, a car, a job, kids, does not necessarilly make you a man or a woman. I know you are only 16, but I will tell you from experience that your current family experience may be toxic, so you will have to start learning and growing as soon as possible, so when eighteen comes around you will have the proper tools to achieve a proper distance from the toxic environment and be able to survive on you


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Thank you davef. While I can definitely see the point you are trying to make here, it is actually really different in my life. My parents love me to death, and do anything and everything for me if I just happen to ask. Thing is, I just don't know why I get these sudden feelings that make me so angry and annoyed of them. All that goes through my head is "Shut up shut up" and I just walk away to my room and close the door without showing any signs of expression that I'm miffed.


My environment is very safe, and healthy. I can tell anything to my parents, and they'll act like real parents. Either teach my a lesson (NOT through a beating), or just talk to me through things. Thing is, I procure these twisted thoughts, and they just won't go away. I've never done a thing to hurt anyone, and am actually a very kind person, but live in the dark inside me not outside.


Talking to a therapist is not an option, if I need to see one, I'll need a reasoning to get to one, and that has to go through my parents. If I tell them what runs through my head, they'll have a lot to think about.

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[...]Talking to a therapist is not an option, if I need to see one, I'll need a reasoning to get to one, and that has to go through my parents. If I tell them what runs through my head, they'll have a lot to think about.


Hi Burrows,

It's not necessary to tell your folks exactly what your disturbing thoughts are--that's what therapy is for. Since your relationship with them is good, your request for a therapist should be enough on its own. Otherwise, you can tell them you have racing thoughts and anxiety you'd like to work out with a therapist. If you're afraid to raise the subject with them, you can request a therapist at school, and they'll negotiate with your parents.


Your therapist won't share what you disclose with your parents.


In your corner.

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