A Little Bummed

[gnarlyhoc]

i made a post last week or so? Not sure exactly. It was about a girl iv known for a while, and i always liked her.

There's most of the background stuff. Anyway, about a week before she left to come back home she started acting a little quiet. I just thought it was because of her finals and stress with school, so i didn't worry about it. She finally came home and we went out a few days after she was home. She had some shopping to do, then i brought her home. She still seemed a little funny, she gave me a hug before I left and i went to give her a kiss and she pulled back. I was a little confused at that point. Just a few weeks ago she wanted to know "if there was ANOTHER girl". I told her she is the only one i like, and there is no one else. When i got home she texted me about how much she loved my gift i gave to her. Through the holidays i didn't hear much, i figured she wanted to be with her family. I sent her 1 or 2 texts. Her replies didn't seem enthusiastic like usual. They just seemed a little colder, but maybe that's just me. Recently i have heard very little from her, where i used to hear from her daily. Also a few weeks ago she wanted me to come out to her school for a concert. I said i would check to see if i could go. I would have to buy plane tickets. She was really excited for me to come out to see her. And spend time with her. Then i brought it up when i hung out with her and she was like "I dunno, i dunno who else wants to come...".

 

I was going to question her about "us". But after all of this im having second thoughts right now. Maybe it's just the holidays. But im really confused. She's excited to hear from me and see me one minute.... then.... ehhh...

So it has me confused and worried that she isn't interested anymore. And that has me a little bummed.

[homeagain]

my guess would be that she has either lost interest in you or she is pulling away from you because she's preparing herself for you to dump her. sometimes, when people start doing something dishonest in a relationship (like cheating or looking for someone new), they accuse the other person of doing it first so that that person becomes so defensive they don't look for the signs in their mate.

 

if you really like this girl, i would try to talk to her about it. don't let it get to the point where she's ice to you and nothing can get repaired between you. if you aren't ready to talk about it yet, do something really thoughtful and loving for her and see how she reacts. does it thaw her out? does it make her angry or grumpy? her reaction will be telling... however, my main advice to you is just to open the lines of communication about this. maybe it is just the holidays and she is busy, maybe this is all a coincidence and not a series of connected behaviors... but talking it out is the only way to know for sure and to feel better about it.

[gnarlyhoc]

I haven't done anything dishonest. Before she left for grad school we never really talked about "us". I only met her a short time before that, and i didn't know how she would react to being so far away. It turns out we talked everyday. Towards the end of the semester she started with this "another girl" thing. I don't think i gave her any reason to think that there was another girl. I told her flatout she was the one i liked, and there is no one else. She has gone cold before, and it was her friends issues or just stress. So I'm thinking its just stress again. That's what im hoping. But the part where she was really excited for me to come out and see her for a weekend, and then her being indecisive about me coming out had me wondering.

[homeagain]

if you have seen this before, then maybe it is just stress.

 

i wasn't suggesting you were doing anything dishonest, i was suggesting maybe she was accusing you of being interested in another girl because SHE was looking around at other guys. this site has a lot of stories of people "planting the seed" before they do the deed.

 

she could also just be insecure right now, and looking to you for reassurance about your resolve for her and only her.

[gnarlyhoc]

I actually know what you mean. About blaming the other person for your searching. My ex did that to me when she ended it. I don't think it is the case, since i have been through it. It very well could be stress or insecurities. She was the one who almost always initiated contact. So since she has been a little cold, i just send her a text every once in a while saying "Hope everything is goin well for you, Haven't heard from you". Not the same text every time. It usually starts a small conversation but nothing major.