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Little Nephew doesn't like me because he thinks I'm gay...


JoeCool
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I'm having a very aggravating holiday break since family has been here. The whole family is here visiting us for the holidays which is fine & I enjoyed it at first until I saw my 7 year old nephew.He seems to have spot gaydar on me and refuses to be around me because he bluntly thinks I'm gay & I'm a f as he would say it. It hurts me deeply that he feels this way about me & it's really wrecking my holiday because of it. Of course he's only 7 and still young but I'm very hurt by his words and his actions. My sister is actually forcing us to be in the same room together and it's causing tension and awkwardness around the house. No one really knows I'm gay and I've always tried to be discreet about my sexuality. But now I have had my brother in law question me since my nephew bluntly put it out there and he's even started acting funny towards me & my mom is asking me a bunch of questions as to why he may think I'm gay. I feel very uncomfortable and a little worried because I come from a family who is very much into christianity which doesn't condone homosexuality and they are very close minded when it comes to this. I don't know.. I'm ready for my family to leave...

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I suspect your nephew wasn't the one who picked up on it...he probably heard people gossiping about it...perhaps others have indeed suspected it but never said anything to you but now that your nephew blurted it out they are prying for information. Not much you can do except ignore the questions. Your personal life is nobody's business unless you choose to tell them...and if you are not ready then that is perfectly fine.

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maybe now is a good time for you, the nephew, and his mom to have a conversation about tolerance and how we accept people no matter what our perceptions are of them. you have no obligation to come out to any of your family, nor should you feel like you need to do so under such lame circumstances. if you walked with a limp, were too skinny, had a glass eye, were a vegetarian, or you had any other sort of thing which he could identify (or think he identifies) as something that makes you different, i would bet your family would sit down and tell him that it is inappropriate to make snap judgements about beloved family members, and how those are not sufficient reasons to dislike or alienate them. put it that way to your sister or brother in law, and if they are religious, say something like, "i'm concerned about your son's adverse feelings toward me... he is an important part of my life and our family, and i want him to not feel negatively toward me. can we talk to him together about loving family and what it means to feel real christian love toward others, even if they are different or not. i'm not sure why he is behaving this way toward me, but i think it might be a good time to teach him that we don't judge others based on differences we think we see." that makes it sound like you're just worried he's going around and hating everyone who is different, and not admitting anything you don't want to admit.

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Kids usually react to things the way their parents react. I don't even remember knowing what a gay person was when I was 7. It sounds like hie parents have been saying things that he's picked up on.

 

Just remember that your sexuality is no one's business but your own, and you don't owe an explanation to anyone.

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I suspect your nephew wasn't the one who picked up on it...he probably heard people gossiping about it...perhaps others have indeed suspected it but never said anything to you but now that your nephew blurted it out they are prying for information. Not much you can do except ignore the questions. Your personal life is nobody's business unless you choose to tell them...and if you are not ready then that is perfectly fine.

 

 

I agree. At 7 children really don't have the sense of gay/straight and usually only go off what they learn or hear others say.

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Hi Joe,

 

You're in a tough position here. This is what I'd recommend:

 

1) You need to have a serious conversation with this kid's parents- they need to control him and teach him to behave and be respectful. He sounds like a serious brat. Frankly, it doesn't matter whether you are gay or not, he should not be talking to adults that way. Tell them that he is being rude and it is making you uncomfortable, and if they are not going to control him you are not going to visit them as it makes you unhappy.

 

This conversation doesn't need to have anything to do with your orientation. If the kid's parents bring this up, you need to make it clear that your orientation is not the issue, this kid's behavior is the issue. They need to control him.

 

2) If this kid is disrespectful to you, you need to reprimand him. You need to be especially severe if he uses the f word. That word is no longer acceptable in any context, and he needs to know this. It doesn't matter whether your family is conservative Christian or not, that word has no business in polite company. You need to be severe and intimidating with him if he uses this word and make it absolutely clear that you are not going to tolerate that.

 

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. Do you have friends that you can vent to? How old are you?

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I agree with CAD. this seven year old did not make up terms like "f**" on his own. Seven year olds simply are not going to be capable of doing what this kid is doing if they have not overheard it.

 

So my thought is you are not as in the closet as you think. This kid has overheard this elsewhere. Seven year olds don't call people F*** and refuse to hang with them unless they are around homophobic people.

 

It is so sad reading what you said about this kid and how he has been poisoned at such a young age.

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In my homeland that kid would've easily received a belting accross the face. But I'm not for that - He just needs to be disciplined more

 

That was my first inclination....

 

 

...but of course....cooler heads would prevail.

 

Plus, I agree with the above statements about "adults" talking about certain things around him.

 

I'd kick them all out.

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His parents disciplined him for the way he acts toward me & he has stopped with the name calling now but he still is acting very funny with me. Not wanting to be near me and his body language says a lot. I assume it's mainly my brother in law who has a problem with me and may have talked about me behind my back. I'm pretty sure some people may assume I'm gay just because I'm very sensitive and have a soft like persona. A bad stereotype I know. I remember last year when my brother and law,my sister and my nephew visited. My brother kept calling me a softie, meaning more of a punk. He said it in a joking way but sometimes I wonder if perhaps my brother in law means it. I do remember one time we were all playing games and I noticed that he whispered in my sisters ear to ask if her brother was gay. She simply replied with a no way type of answer.

 

I'm ready for them to leave because I don't like all of this tension around the house. The rest of the family is fine, it's my brother in law & my nephew that seems to be making things uneasy with me. I don't really care what people think about me. It's just that my sexuality is my business and I personally feel my family doesn't need to know. Plus if I came out to them, it would be unnecessary drama that I'm not trying to get in..

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Hey..

 

I wonder why the kid is so insecure about it? He sure hasn't been brought up to be open-minded. Its my bet he's heard comments of homophobic nature, perhaps from his dad?

 

I had a 12-year old kid i was working with call me gay because i "didn't wear makeup, and played football". She really got annoying with it, aggressive even, always telling me to "go away and to play with the boys because "your more a boy than a girl"""!!!!!!

 

I just had to remember in my case that these kids have a lot of problems, and many of those problems would be sexually based.

 

In your case... well children need categories..

thats how they understand the world.

So communication is best, if it is possible for you to get him to listen to you for a chat. tell him that he's your nephew and that you love him no matter what.

 

It would be very positive if you could 'come out' and the family accept it, and would help this boy to learn that it is not a bad thing.

 

But i appreciate all the pain, torment, and emotional anguish that coming out entails. and the drama yes.

 

Let us know what happens?

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At age seven, I doubt he even truly understands what being gay is. I'm sure he just heard someone - likely your brother-in-law, as you've touched upon - derisively refer to a gay person or homosexuality; and kids like that are so impressionable and so influenced by what they hear.

 

What he's doing is reprehensible, but I'm guessing he doesn't understand himself. I think someone - probably not you, though, as that could backfire - needs to not only scold him for being so disrespectful, but also explain to him that being gay is not a bad thing and that his being disrespectful to that specifically is a problem.

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