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One of the hardest moments in life is deciding whether you should give up, or try harder.

 

I'm really hurt that I didn't even get an e-mail or a phone call on christmas.

Long distance is killing me.

 

 

Getting honest is the only thing that ever stops the pain we are creating for our own selves.

Joe

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Are you in a LDR with him? And he didnt even call you on christmas?

 

YES!

Well we are not "exclusive" we are free to do whatever we want with whoever we want, but with the intentions of getting back together IF we ever see each other again.

You see, he moved to Brazil, with the chance of moving back to Florida in January... It has now been decided that he is not moving back to the United States... He is staying in Brazil.

 

The way we left things was that we love each other more than we have ever loved anyone before, and would LOVE to be together. There are so many obsticals though...

we are both 21, and not ready for marriage.

I don't speak portuguese.

I live in MN

He lives in Brazil

I wouldn't be able to get a job in Brazil due to the fact I don't speak portuguese.

He wants to take over his fathers business in Brazil, so he would have to live there.

 

 

I just don't know what to do !! I LOVE this man! && I know he loves me.

 

I don't think he called on xmas because I don't think he had service, and I know the phone he has he cannot make long distance calls, so he has to borrow his mother's phone if he wants to call... but I don't think he had service because he went to San Paulo or whatever for xmas, and my mom thinks there wouldn't be service there...

 

UGH!

 

I need to just let go I think

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Hi Zen,

 

I'm in the same boat as you, except I'm the one who left the country to work in my mother's business. Before I left, my boyfriend promised heaven and earth, he said he would wait for me, I'm the only one he loved, etc. Then a week after I left, he was already on online dating sites. I broke up with him but he said he still loved me. Our last contact was December 5th when he emailed me on my birthday. I called and he never picked up.

 

Anyway, my point is that I do believe long distance can work, but the thing is, you both have to want the relationship to work. I have Vonage installed at home so I can call him for just a set rate every month. There is also Skype and other VOIP. But is my phone ringing? If he is not making the effort, then it won't work out. Drunken messages will only push him away further.

 

I say try but he has to give the same amount of work into it. If you can be honest with each other about your expectations about the relationship then it will be easier to make a decision. My boyfriend would tell me one thing but do the opposite which is making me hang on longer than I should. Don't get stuck in the same rut. Good luck and best wishes in the coming new year!

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  • 2 weeks later...

SO he called on new years eve!

I talked to him 3 different times that night, which was AHHH-MAAAZING! I was at work and I saw my phone ringing, and I had to look twice to make sure I wasn't dreaming! lol!

He called to wish me a happy new year and send the best regards to my family, and to tell me that he is missing me too much, and all that stuff.

Then called me again because I wanted to talk to him when I got off work....

and then he called me at 8pm my time which was 12am his time to say " happy new years!!"

 

ABout that drunk message... yeah he wasn't too happy about that, he said it hurt his feelings because he does his best to call me, and it hurt him to see that. I explained to him that I understand that he can't call everyday, but just please don't send me an e-mail saying that you are going to call me that day, if you aren't!

 

SO THE BEST PART!

 

I was sitting on my dinner break last night at work, and he was calling!!

He thinks that he is coming to Florida in 10 days to do a test race, and he is going to come visit me!!!!!!!!!!! (well 30% chance he is coming to Florida) But I'm pretty optimistic, so 30% chance is not so bad.... right? lol

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sup zen baby! its been a while since i seen or talked to you on here!??

 

Anyways, my take. I know you love this man, and he loves you but in all reality babe its not gonna work. hes staying thousands of miles away and even for occasional visits, over time its not gonna be enough. either he or you will hit a spark with someone else. its only a matter of time. right now you both have tunnel vision so this naturally is normal but it will subside eventually. Hate to be blunt about it but you know how i roll. It just wont work and deep down i think you know that but your fighting it.

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sup zen baby! its been a while since i seen or talked to you on here!??

 

Anyways, my take. I know you love this man, and he loves you but in all reality babe its not gonna work. hes staying thousands of miles away and even for occasional visits, over time its not gonna be enough. either he or you will hit a spark with someone else. its only a matter of time. right now you both have tunnel vision so this naturally is normal but it will subside eventually. Hate to be blunt about it but you know how i roll. It just wont work and deep down i think you know that but your fighting it.

 

 

 

I know where you are coming from, and what you are saying could happen, but I know that we both have dated and seen a lot of different people in our pasts, and by different I mean from all ranges.

Maybe, just maybe I could be in denial right now. & you're right... occasional visits will not be enough, because if I could have my way I would be able to see him everyday. He is coming to Florida to test race, and hopefully he will sign with a team in Florida, and it would be a lot easier to for me to move to Florida than it would be for me to move to Brazil. (That is, if he wants me to move with him.)

 

I'm really not fighting it... I wish I could just get over him.... as bad as that sounds because it's realllllly really painful to love someone who just CAN'T be there... and it hurts to miss someone with your whole heart... you just pretty much go through actions without feelings.

 

Thank you for you advice Drew! I always value it, and maybe my vision is slightly tunneled. HHmpH!

 

 

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Good explanation. Well on that note hun, it seems like your more like venting to us rather than needing advice which is totally ok. You know what you wanna do so do it. just keep in mind the risks to your heart your taking. Im here for ya if things turn sour but for your sake i hope it works out for yoU!

 

oh and slightly tunneled you say?? ha, no babe, your full tunneled!! lol

 

Lastly, do you even know if he feels the same way for you as you do for him???????

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Good explanation. Well on that note hun, it seems like your more like venting to us rather than needing advice which is totally ok. You know what you wanna do so do it. just keep in mind the risks to your heart your taking. Im here for ya if things turn sour but for your sake i hope it works out for yoU!

 

oh and slightly tunneled you say?? ha, no babe, your full tunneled!! lol

 

Lastly, do you even know if he feels the same way for you as you do for him???????

 

 

I know how he says he feels...

The past couple times he has called me he says " I miss you soooo much it's so hard to be without you, I HAVE to come see you soon!" & He has asked me how I am and the last time he asked me I said "Amazing" and he was taken back by it, and replied by saying " Oh... You're amazing? I guess you are taking this a lot easier than I am." I felt bad, but at that moment I was feeling pretty good.

 

I am here to ask for advice, but I'm also really stubborn. In your shoes what would you do? I'm not asking what's right and what's wrong, but what you would honestly do.

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If you hooked up with one guy while you two have been apart, how many girls do you think he's been with? This guy is a Brazilian racer for goodness' sake.

 

if I had to guess, I'd imagine that you're thinking about how his body feels against yours and not so much about what the clever choice is. What's the future for this thing?

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I know how he says he feels...

The past couple times he has called me he says " I miss you soooo much it's so hard to be without you, I HAVE to come see you soon!" & He has asked me how I am and the last time he asked me I said "Amazing" and he was taken back by it, and replied by saying " Oh... You're amazing? I guess you are taking this a lot easier than I am." I felt bad, but at that moment I was feeling pretty good.

 

I am here to ask for advice, but I'm also really stubborn. In your shoes what would you do? I'm not asking what's right and what's wrong, but what you would honestly do.

 

Well it def does sound like the feelings are mutual. Im glad for you. So what would i do???? Im gonna tell you a little story similar to this which basically tells you what i did..

 

So around 4-5 years ago. I was working at a electronic store called ultimate electronics. The store manager had a couple friends from denver CO coming to my state, Alb. NM. for a weekend visit. he told me that one of them was a blonde bombshell that was extremely fun yet intelligent. I love blondes so i was intrigued right away. so they came in and at first i was like eh, shes ok but didnt keep in mind they had driven 8 hours strait with no makeup and skags. I was in my party phase at my old house and we had a party that night. her and her friend came over and we ended up hitting it off good. next day we spent all weekend together and she spent new years with me. we ended up falling for each other within a months time and 2 visits. Honestly i felt she was the one and i still think about her all the time. well even just one state away the calls, and emails started to become hard for us and she cut things off. She did this because she was so inlove she was willing to drop he life in denver to be with me. I couldnt allow that any way but none the less it hurt. We lost contact for years up until i found her on myspace recently. we casually talk here and there but im scared to go visit her for old sparks to come back. Point of the story, sometimes things seem so perfect and its the person that you want to be with but in all reality, sometimes the TIMING is just not right. If its meant to be it will be! we all have to move on to a point and that is what i ended up doing in MY shoes. I labeled her my "What if", cause what if things worked out, i may be a married man right now but you never know what the future holds. You have to be optimistic!

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If you hooked up with one guy while you two have been apart, how many girls do you think he's been with? This guy is a Brazilian racer for goodness' sake.

 

if I had to guess, I'd imagine that you're thinking about how his body feels against yours and not so much about what the clever choice is. What's the future for this thing?

 

Ohh I already know he hooked up with someone. I don't know how many, but I don't really care. I don't know why i don't care but I know who he is, I know what he does and I accept it. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend while he is away because temptation is always there, and we both agreed that it would hurt more if we were trying to make something work, and we "cheated" on each other.

 

I think we both have an understanding that if and when he hooks up with someone it is just a hook up, there are no emotions tied to it.

 

Maybe I'm crazy for not letting it bother me...

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wow! That's pretty intense! I know from experience how fast and hard you can fall for someone in a months time. For the timing part... I think the timing is perfect in my situation, i have nothing holding me back in MN. I don't know, recently I have kind of let go of him. I haven't e-mailed him since Dec 27th, and I have let him contact me whenever he wants, and he has by calling. It's kind of sad because he acts scared that I have moved on.... and the truth is I haven't, but I am just trying to live my life!!

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Im telling you, its gonna fade out eventually for that reason. You gotta live your life and thats that! You will have those times of missing him and longing for him but then you fall back to reality and realize where you are and that its not possible. Unless you wanna take a big chance and move to where he is......... sounds to me like your already starting to back down and realize the reality of the situation.

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Im telling you, its gonna fade out eventually for that reason. You gotta live your life and thats that! You will have those times of missing him and longing for him but then you fall back to reality and realize where you are and that its not possible. Unless you wanna take a big chance and move to where he is......... sounds to me like your already starting to back down and realize the reality of the situation.

 

 

I would move to Brazil, but the only thing is, is the fact that we are really young. We don't want to get married right now, well atleast I don't!! But if I moved to Brazil I would be completely dependent on him and his family because, a. I don't know the language. B. I wouldn't be able to get a job there. C. I would have to live with him, and maybe his family?

 

I already know his family likes me, I have talked to his mom, dad, and grandma on the phone, and I have met his brother. ( we kinda butted heads... he called me fat!! )

 

But whatever I lost 15lbs since I last saw him so I don't care!

I dunno, it's not that I WOULDN'T move, I'm just a little scared because I wouldn't really have anyone.... you know?

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F that zen! NEVER NEVER revolve your life around a guy and even though you may tell me your independent, moving to brazil for him with nothing and nobody out there is revolving around him! He may eventually get tired of you cause you will be clingin to him since you dont know the language, culture and friends. Then you will be left with nothing! Honestly, from friend to friend. It really is not worth it!!!!! You will spark with someone else here, just a matter of time.

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