How long to wait?

[Ariel85]

Heres the deal.

 

Met a guy online. We had chatted a few times before, but then it faded out.

 

On Tuesday of this week, we reconnected on a dating site. Im'd for about 30 minutes, then he asked for my number to call me sometime.

 

He called me right then and there! And we ended up speaking for over 2 hours!

 

He asked me for a date, and we agreed to tonight.

 

He texted me later on Tuesday night, then on Wednesday he sent me a holiday text.

 

He texted me about 10:30 this morning, asking if we were still on for tonight. I said yes.

 

He replied with a smiley face.

 

A few hours later, I wrote him and told him to just tell me when and where. And he wrote back OK. This was about 2.

 

It is now 5:30 and I haven't heard from him.

 

How long should I give it before I consider myself blown off?

[Ariel85]

Or I should also ask, how long would you wait before you would consider him contacting you too late and I should move on?

[Batya33]

If someone doesn't tell me when and where by noon or so of the day we're supposed to meet (if we're supposed to meet that night) then I make other plans or tell him I did.

[Ariel85]

Yes, I thought it was encouraging that he wrote me so early to reconfirm our plans, but now thats its almost 6, Im kinda confused!

[Batya33]

Yes, I thought it was encouraging that he wrote me so early to reconfirm our plans, but now thats its almost 6, Im kinda confused!

 

Happened to me pretty often when I made plans to meet through on line sites- I tried my best to have a time and place set in advance of the day.

[Ariel85]

Happened to me pretty often when I made plans to meet through on line sites- I tried my best to have a time and place set in advance of the day.

 

 

And here I was thinking I was being non-pushy by leaving the date planning to him. Perhaps it was too much? ha ha!

 

I dunno. It doesnt make sense why he contacted me this morning, and now has gone missing.

 

Batya - if you were me, and he contacted you in the next hour or so, would you blow him off?

[Ariel85]

Oh he just sent me a text!

 

Hey hun. Im running crazy late. Can we make it around 9 tonight?

 

Whatever dude!!!!

[Batya33]

It depends - since he didn't tell you when he would call you you can still meet him. Or you can tell him "sorry when I didn't hear from you I made other plans, but let's try and meet up soon"

 

I never considered those first meets "dates" - it was a meeting to see if we should go on a date in the future.

[Ariel85]

It depends - since he didn't tell you when he would call you you can still meet him. Or you can tell him "sorry when I didn't hear from you I made other plans, but let's try and meet up soon"

 

I never considered those first meets "dates" - it was a meeting to see if we should go on a date in the future.

 

 

Thats very true. I guess I just dont feel like going out at 9.

 

If I write back the latter comment, will that piss him off and turn him off? I dont want him to think Im playing games.

[FreedomRing]

Too much texting going on too soon imo...usually leaves the door open to situations unfolding similar to this(miscommunication, wishy washiness, limbo, etc).

[Ariel85]

Too much texting going on too soon imo...usually leaves the door open to situations unfolding similar to this(miscommunication, wishy washiness, limbo, etc).

 

Stating the obvious.

 

Any solution to offer?

[Batya33]

Thats very true. I guess I just dont feel like going out at 9.

 

If I write back the latter comment, will that piss him off and turn him off? I dont want him to think Im playing games.

 

But it's not playing a game - you made other plans - with yourself- when you didn't hear from him. You are telling him you still want to meet, it's just that he didn't contact you in time for tonight.

[Ariel85]

But it's not playing a game - you made other plans - with yourself- when you didn't hear from him. You are telling him you still want to meet, it's just that he didn't contact you in time for tonight.

 

 

Ok cool. thanks!

 

And your right - I mentally am no longer in the mood for a date. Id rather stay in and make an omelette.

[FreedomRing]

Stating the obvious.

 

Any solution to offer?

 

Yes--quit the texting. Call.

[Ariel85]

He just texted me again:

 

Is that ok?

 

I dunno. Im just really turned off now.

[Batya33]

Then that is your decision - no need to ever meet him if you don't care to.

[Ariel85]

Yea, I just wrote him back:

 

sorry. I didnt hear from you so I made other plans.

 

No response.

 

Why do guys play these kinds of games? Is it because they are entertaining offers of other dates and like to decide last minute who wins? Is it because they try to have more than one date in a night? Or is it just a power/control testing thing?

 

Im so fed up with men.

[Ariel85]

Oh and I see he is currently online on the dating site we met on.

 

lmao.

 

Man just unbelievable.

 

I wish someone could explain why guys do this!!!!

[Batya33]

Oh and I see he is currently online on the dating site we met on.

 

lmao.

 

Man just unbelievable.

 

I wish someone could explain why guys do this!!!!

 

Of course he is still on the site. He is not dating you exclusively so it's reasonable he would keep his options open. As far as his unreliability in getting in touch with you that happens through dating sites and in real life -- both men and women can behave in an unreliable way- it is not polite of course but generalizing from this one person about "all men" makes little sense.

 

There could be many reasons - he may not be the most reliable about confirming plans, he could have made other plans for earlier in the evening, etc. Doesn't have to be anything about playing a game or "power".

[Ammy]

Thats very true. I guess I just dont feel like going out at 9.

 

If I write back the latter comment, will that piss him off and turn him off? I dont want him to think Im playing games.

 

 

Yeah I personally wouldn't say I've made other plans, it does seem a bit like you're playing games. If you like him and want to meet him, go ahead and meet him..

 

There could be an innocent explanation for his lateness - I did this to a guy I was meeting offline for the first time.. he was understanding - I got delayed, lost track of time, and got stuck in horrendous traffic, then wanted to change and look presentable by the time I met him... But it ended up going from 7pm to 9pm.. and it had nothing to do with me not being interested in meeting him - was just me not having planned my day very well!

 

Ammy

[Batya33]

I think it's rude not to confirm a plan for that evening until that evening unless they had discussed that in advance. If someone is that rude, then I have made other plans - with myself, because spending time with myself is far more important than spending time with someone who couldn't be bothered to call me to confirm a plan. If she went ahead with the plan she would be giving the impression that she was fine with his lack of regard for her time and schedule. I might give that person one more chance, but likely not for that evening.

[Ammy]

Yea, I just wrote him back:

 

sorry. I didnt hear from you so I made other plans.

 

No response.

 

Why do guys play these kinds of games? Is it because they are entertaining offers of other dates and like to decide last minute who wins? Is it because they try to have more than one date in a night? Or is it just a power/control testing thing?

 

Im so fed up with men.

 

See I don't know that he is playing games.. things come up, especially at this time of the year.

 

Also re: him being online - that is natural, you haven't even met yet, he's keeping his options open. I am a nice girl, who likes to dedicate my attention to one person but I still look at other options until I have made my mind up on one guy and am dating him regularly.

 

Also he could just be online checking your profile again to ensure he recognises you when you meet.

 

I doubt you'll hear from him again now.. If someone cancelled on me like that, then I'd be a bit annoyed and assume they weren't that interested. If you didn't want to meet up late, you could have just said - oh that's a bit late, can we do it some other time... You kinda closed off contact, I wouldn't reply if I were him.

 

Ammy

[Ariel85]

I think it's rude not to confirm a plan for that evening until that evening unless they had discussed that in advance. If someone is that rude, then I have made other plans - with myself, because spending time with myself is far more important than spending time with someone who couldn't be bothered to call me to confirm a plan. If she went ahead with the plan she would be giving the impression that she was fine with his lack of regard for her time and schedule. I might give that person one more chance, but likely not for that evening.

 

Yes I agree with you. I think his ultra casual approach shows a lack of interest and respect.

 

Ammy - your story was different in that you HAD a plan in place.

 

This guy texted me this morning to reconfirm for tonight and then didnt get back to me until 6 to say he needed to meet at 9.

 

I still had no idea of a time or place.

 

It would have been different if he had already arranged to meet me at a certain time and place and then got held up and had to meet later.

 

This just felt like a very last minute thing.

[Ammy]

Yes I agree with you. I think his ultra casual approach shows a lack of interest and respect.

 

Ammy - your story was different in that you HAD a plan in place.

 

This guy texted me this morning to reconfirm for tonight and then didnt get back to me until 6 to say he needed to meet at 9.

 

I still had no idea of a time or place.

 

It would have been different if he had already arranged to meet me at a certain time and place and then got held up and had to meet later.

 

This just felt like a very last minute thing.

 

Ariel,

 

I agree it's annoying. BTW I didn't make definite plans with my guy till the last minute either, we literally decided where at 8pm.. He probably should have blown me off - as I guess that was rude of me... But it was unintentional rudeness and just bad time management.

 

I guess all the matters is that you're happy with your decision. For me curiosity killed the cat - I would have either gone with the 9pm plan or suggested another one..

 

Ammy

[Ariel85]

Ariel,

 

I agree it's annoying. BTW I didn't make definite plans with my guy till the last minute either, we literally decided where at 8pm.. He probably should have blown me off - as I guess that was rude of me... But it was unintentional rudeness and just bad time management.

 

I guess all the matters is that you're happy with your decision. For me curiosity killed the cat - I would have either gone with the 9pm plan or suggested another one..

 

Ammy

 

Yes, I could have still met him and been light and breezy about it, but I really didnt want to set that kind of precedent, you know? Like if this is how he is on a first date, how much worse would it be if we were involved?

 

I guess I would have liked him to have suggested another time.

 

I really dont think hes a bad guy. I think hes probably alot more easy going and laid back about dating than I am.

 

I like a plan. I like to know what time and where and not have that come up at 6. When I was 25, that was totally acceptable. Now I just like a little more respect.