Am I boring in bed?!?

[Traveler27]

I can't help but thinking I might be a less than passionate person during sex. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I spent 5 1/2 years in a very incompatible relationship (physically and sexually speaking). Now I am seeing a new guy, and we've just slept together a couple of times. We're very compatible physically so I am really enjoying sex again - finally! However, I am worried after my past sexual experiences (the 5 1/2 year relationship was my first serious one) that I have become somewhat boring and quiet in bed. I had a few drunken flings in university, but those don't quite count do they?

 

Guys, what makes a woman a great lover? Is it moaning, 'technical abilities', rhythm, etc???

Ladies, please share your thoughts too. Have any of you ever felt this way?

 

I love having sex and enjoy the intimacy and connection with my partner, but I think after being somewhat sexually repressed for quite a few years, I have become slightly conservative. I hope some of this makes sense.

 

How can I loosen up?

[nutbrownhare]

Take your time. Don't worry about techniques until you're feeling really comfortable with this guy and you'e both doing it for a bit of fun. There really are no hard and fast rules to making love - what is a huge turn-on for one person may leave another one cold. So do communicate, ask what your partner likes, and RELAX.

 

The problem with worrying about being 'a great lover' is that you detach from the experience because it becomes a performance rather than an act of intimacy. But finding out together how you work together and relate to each other is far more erotic than going through the entire kama sutra. Show your partner you really enjoy making love!

 

Hope this helps!

[JeckyllNHyde]

I think ALOT of men and women sometimes wonder if they are "good enough" or "the best" even in bed.

Boring.. Hm, I think it depends on the person your with and their perception/likes and dislikes. What one guy may find boring, another may find extremely kinky right?

 

I had an ex for instance, and we never had actual sex. Just oral and other manual stimulation. Got close to having sex a ton of times. But I couldn't help ALWAYS feeling like I'd never be good enough in bed, to him. He always told me how he liked hair pulling, hand cuffs, rough sex, anal, etc. To me that is a BIT kinky, while to others this is even considered "vanilla sex"/normal regular sex.

 

Some may have considered me boring or regular when it comes to sex, while my bf seems to love it. It also helps that we have good passion/sexual chemistry between us. To him even though we have sex with condoms and don't get to do it every day, etc. he still says I'm the best b/c there are feelings involved.

Plus attraction helps.

 

To me, I think somethings which make you good in bed are: how you kiss, willing to try new things or positions (I usually let my guy take the lead since I've never even had a long term relationship before him to experiment with sex), moaning when you love it, saying sexual things in bed during sex, asking for what you want, ENJOYING IT, taking charge when you feel like it.. I'm sure there's lots more ways to be good in bed.

 

I wouldn't worry too much. If he's coming back for more to only you, you MUST be doing something right.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Oh and another thing which helped me when I was younger, and didn't know much, was reading and reading tips online. Lol. I got a whole lot of tips about giving BJ's which helped alot.

Plus you have to explore you're guy slowly and see what things he seems to really like. JUst like he has to do with you.

[Traveler27]

Take your time. Don't worry about techniques until you're feeling really comfortable with this guy and you'e both doing it for a bit of fun. There really are no hard and fast rules to making love - what is a huge turn-on for one person may leave another one cold. So do communicate, ask what your partner likes, and RELAX.

 

The problem with worrying about being 'a great lover' is that you detach from the experience because it becomes a performance rather than an act of intimacy. But finding out together how you work together and relate to each other is far more erotic than going through the entire kama sutra. Show your partner you really enjoy making love!

 

Hope this helps!

 

Yes, it does help, thank you. You mention communicating - this is something I've always had difficulty doing during sex. I don't know how to ask what my partner likes and don't know how to tell him what I like! I don't know why I've remained this shy in terms of communication, but I just never know how to interject it during foreplay/intercourse.

[definitely_maybe]

You ask if you are boring, but don't really say what you are doing.

[Ball Four]

I think the normal guy is easy to please. For me eye contact with a half moan, half smile thing going on is insanely hot.

 

The worst for me is when the other person seems to be doing it just for you. I feel guilty.

[Traveler27]

You ask if you are boring, but don't really say what you are doing.

 

Good point. Well, I usually prefer the guy to take the lead in bed. Perhaps this is my greatest concern about being boring?

 

I'm not very innovative in bed. Maybe I'm not taking enough initiative, but I find it very intimidating and uncomfortable. I prefer being "led" and I am open to what my partner wants to try. However, because I am in a new relationship (only had sex with this partner twice), I feel like we both may be holding back, but then again, my nature is to hold back a bit anyway.

[waveseer]

What makes a person good in bed is their ability to communicate their desires and feelings with their partner. If you can do that in a hushed tone, you're golden.

[CatsMeeoow]

The best part is just to realize... its fun... HAVE FUN! Don't be afraid to laugh... I mean really how people see you naked??? If you can't relax and have fun how much fun is it going to be.

 

The best sex I ever had was when I could just really be myself and he was the same... after all it's just sex and just about everyone does it!

[CaptainPlanet]

I like it when the girls kiss my big belly. Only happened once but it was awesome. Tongue on big belly.