family or wife

[faolanblood]

James I am not to sure why you posted this online....but whatever your reason I am truly sorry for what happened back in colorado and that things could not be worked out.

 

For the people responding to my husbands thread....you should know not only did he try and talk things out with both his, Mom, sister, and grandparents they kicked us out into the Snow and cold. Knowing we were still looking for jobs and had no place to go. We had just Moved to Colorado from Hawaii were he had been stationed in he Navy and he was just getting out.

 

His Mom is not all the way there she has some mental issues and his Grandparents I think were some what upset that he did not choose to stay in the Navy and retire there...with how the economy is and what not.

 

His sister is a drunk and sleeps around a lot and miss treats her one year old son.

 

THere was a lot of stress in our relationship while we were there and when they kicked us out we decided to drive to another state ( TEXAS) sicne it was way to cold to sleep in the car and since his mom was losing it and being threatening and what not. She is just not all the way there we have good reason to believe she uses her prescritions as drugs and takes to many.

 

I was willing to try and work things out for the sake of my husband and his relationship with them. He did not see were it was healthy or working out.

 

Her house is filithy but unsafe and unhealthy too.SHe has nine cats and two litter boxes she cleans every few months the house reaks sister lives there with her son.. WHom she miss treats all the time. it would really upset me they'd leave opened cans on the ground and he would get hurt. His Mom can not drive well and serves alot and does not strap the babys car seat down and puts the dog back with him. She gives him rotten milk too. She is dangerously under weight too. Sister drinks alot and sleeps around and does not pay much attentiont to the son. Mom watches him and falls alseep while doing so he has gootten into her pills too. It is just aweful really.

 

his Mom was getting upset that he was not over seeing her more but when we went to try and visit I would get sick abd have nose bleeds Both my husbands and my throats would burn and hurt. We tried telling her the house needed to be cleaned better and she could not just leave the litter box and cat vomit uncleaned. She didnt do anything to try and fix it...and she knew we were both getting sick.

 

James and I just went throguh one miscarriage and I might be with child again. We are tryign any way and are not certain yet. With the stress from his family, the condition of the environment, and issues we have had with ovaian cyst and what not James over and over explained he was not willing to lose the baby or risk me getting sick in her house...also that she needed to try and to at least treat me decently. SHe did not listen though just got upset that he spent less time with her.

 

Hope the information helps you give him answers and once again love I am sorry.I still feel as though more could have been done.

[savignon]

It is a shame you feel that you have to decide between your family and wife. I don't know that I could chose a threatening family over anybody...let alone someone I'm inlove with and plan to have a family with. Tell your family you are staying with your wife and that she is your family, too, and that you have no intention of cutting off contact with them but that if they make that choice, it will be their choice and not yours. Let them be the ones to make such a horrible 'decision'...not you.

[catfeeder]

It is a shame you feel that you have to decide between your family and wife. I don't know that I could chose a threatening family over anybody...let alone someone I'm inlove with and plan to have a family with. Tell your family you are staying with your wife and that she is your family, too, and that you have no intention of cutting off contact with them but that if they make that choice, it will be their choice and not yours. Let them be the ones to make such a horrible 'decision'...not you.

 

I agree. Some people, including family members, are best loved from far away--at least until you can get on your own solid ground and keep arms length from them.

 

If they were already in a bad place themselves, adding any dependency on them was likely putting fuel on a fire. It doesn't help you to engage discussions about your family's problems or their faults--wife needs to respect your pain and your ability to observe those things on your own. It's not necessary for you to accept anyone's challenge to declare either a 'her or us' OR a 'them or me' position.

 

If you should ever find yourself positioned to help your family without getting burned, then that's your right and your private choice to make, but as long as your current living quarters and job situation are unstable, you're best off focusing on your own household and let things cool down with family.

 

Head high. In your corner.