is it a game?

[jchjs]

I've been trading quick glances with him at the gym for a while. Last week, I caught him, we locked eyes and both smiled and I really felt an instant attraction...a very strong moment. The next day he started to say hi to me, but nothing more. This went on for a while, one day he seemed to end his machine right after I did, we both were getting towels to clean them and I felt really nervous...knew I should probably say something, but got too shy and it seemed he did too, he seemed nervous. (We were both wearing headphones too, so it was awkward) Still he said hi the next day though.

 

Then saw him again a couple of days later and he completely ignored me...no eye contact, no hi's. Did I misread the situation or is he playing a game?

 

I'm sure I'm overthinking it, but since he was the one to start saying "hi" after the initial "moment", I'm assuming he felt the same intense attraction.

 

I know the "ignore" game often is trying to gage the level of interest, but I'm not sure whether to really start a conversation or just try and see how it goes. I'm really not one for playing games, but I am rather shy and would rather not approach him in this case since I don't know him. I've been out of the dating loop for a while so any advice is really appreciated!

 

I should also mention that I am quite a bit older than him if that makes a difference. (which made the whole thing surprising in the first place).

[ghost69]

do you say hi back? i know i've tried with random girls that i see often in passing and get nothing. huge turnoff and i stop anything further.

[jchjs]

I smiled and said hi back each time. I don't think I sent any mixed signals.

[ghost69]

I smiled and said hi back each time. I don't think I sent any mixed signals.

 

hmmm. do you notice he says hi to anybody else? does he hold eye contact? do you look away when he looks?

 

and the leaving the machine thing and getting a towel at the same time could just be coincidence. i know a few people that i see all the time at the same time i go to the gym. some days it seems like we are working the exact same muscle and using the same machines. just happens.

[jchjs]

I've only noticed him talking to some of the other guys there, none of the women. Whenever he said hi, he would hold eye contact, but he was usually passing by when I was on a machine. The day he ignored me, I saw him glancing from a distance.

[ghost69]

hmmm. how much do you want to put into this? you can try working out near him more so he gets more opportunity to speak to you.

[jchjs]

Just got back from the gym. He showed up. The first time he walked by me, he didn't look or anything, but the next time he did smile and say hi.

 

Still lots of glancing, but no conversation or introductions. Should I play a waiting game or try and get up the nerve to talk to him? I must say although I can be more of an agressor, I am liking it when he does the initiation. On the one hand, it seems silly, but since I am older, I don't want to seem weird or too aggressive. It's so much easier when you know the person first!

 

Is this something that might go on a long time or do you think he'll make a move? I'm feeling like I'm 16 again! Very confusing....any advise is really welcome!

[ghost69]

maybe observe him hitting some weights and go ask him about the exercise.

 

-excuse me, but what muscle does that work?

 

go from there. it will start a conversation. just keep it going. could be a shy guy.

[jchjs]

still confused. he walked in smiled, gave me a wave and hello, seemed really friendly, more so than last time. Later on as he walked by I attempted to wish him Happy New Year, but I'm not sure he fully heard me (he was wearing headphones...looked a bit confused) and someone else walked by at the same time so I don't think he realized I was talking to him. I wanted to take my stairclimber and walk into the ground! Arrgh....If he did hear me, I feel really dumb, but if he didn't, oh well. Another time. Gave me another interesting glance/smile later. We both ended at the same time (me first) and started walking out, him in front. Another missed opp. This is so frustrating. I'm not sure he'll make it past the friendly "hi" stage anytime soon. Now I'm really not sure whether to say anything else or not. ](*,)

[ghost69]

just say something again.

[jchjs]

Thanks for the encouragement Ghost....I'll try and get up the courage!

[drewciouS281]

you keep mentioning this age thing. just how old are you and how old do you think he is?

[ghost69]

i remember i went up to a hot latina girl because i needed the 50lb dumbbell on the ground next to her. i asked, 'are you done warming up with that?' while pointing to it. she laughed.

 

just think of something witty to ask. ask about an exercise. 'do you know what is good for these?' and rub the back of your arm or something. i don't care if you already know.

[jchjs]

you keep mentioning this age thing. just how old are you and how old do you think he is?

 

Well, I'm not sure his age...early 20's. Lets just say I'm "older"...remember not polite to ask a lady her age.

[Be happy D]

I think you should just talk to him! From your posts, it seems you're interested in him but not sure if he's interested but the same exact thing may be happening to him.

 

Next time you see him (either if he says or if you initiate it) STOP walking and say, "Happy New Years." To stop walking means you want to initiate a conversation, I'm sure he will stop and say Happy New Years as well... just keep the conversation going. Be flirtatious but also be yourself. You're interested in this guy, so it'll take its natural course.

 

Here are some tips on what I would do. "So, got any New Years resolutions?" / "When did you start working out here? I only started noticing you a few months back or whatever." The second ones shows him you've noticed him. Sure it's obvious, but this sort of establishes it. If he's into you, he'll probably look into your eyes, try to keep the conversation going, do nervous things like play with his hands/shake legs/etc.

 

Also, surely you guys will see each other again... but if the conversation goes well and he seems interested but doesn't try to set something up... don't be discouraged, maybe he's shy. Just suggestively say, "So I'll see you around?" or something. If he's hinting at setting something up, go with it... he seems shy, sometimes shy guys just need a little help.

 

Good luck, and just have courage! You'll never know if he's into you or not until you try. If you miss the opportunity and wait too long you'll be hating yourself.

[ghost69]

Well, I'm not sure his age...early 20's. Lets just say I'm "older"...remember not polite to ask a lady her age.

 

i ask girls their age all the time.

[jchjs]

i ask girls their age all the time.

 

 

It really depends on the woman and how comfortable they are with themselves. I have friends who never tell their age from the time they were in their early 20's. Other friends embrace their age.

 

How important do you think age is to a relationship? If you are connecting with the person, have common interests and a very strong attraction to each other, can you get around a large difference in age?

[ghost69]

usually a girl that replies back, 'you should never ask a ladies age' i get turned off. i only ask to flatter them usually. i say, 'i bet you are like 25' when i know they are like 30 something.