She quit flirting

[firewoman30]

I am a 30yo female attracted to a bi-female co-worker. We have worked together for 2.5 years and over this time she has flirted a lot with me, very openly. I would flirt back with her. We both flirted jokingly/playfully though, as self-protection, being both female. Over the past few months I have shown a little more serious attention to her and she has quit the open flirting with me. I am not sure if this is her not being attracted to me, and doesn't want me to get the wrong idea or if she is attracted and doesn't want it to seam like she is joking. Over the past few months we have gone out to lunch a few times, she invited me to a bar with her, and she has asked me to her house a few times. This is what makes me think that she may like me. BUT, she has quit openly flirting with me, and has not expressed clear interest. On the other hand I have not expressed clear interest in her either. Other than straight out asking her or just waiting it out, is there a way to know if she is interested? This could be bad, because of the same-sex thing. I have very little experience with men and none with women. I wish I were more assertive.

[ghost69]

maybe because you got more serious in your flirtation she sense you want more. or she realizes she's at work and could be some repercussions.

[firewoman30]

Maybe I mis-worded... I haven't really been flirting either. When she was strongly but jokingly flirting with me, I would jokingly flirt back, or at a minimum accept the flirting, without rejecting it. I have only recently admitted to myself that I am attracted to her, and I have never let on to anyone that I am not straight. She may have only been flirting with me over all of this time, because she liked the attention I was giving her, but didn't think I was gay and would not take it seriously. She is a little flirty with some people (though mostly only happily married older men at work). I am just confused by her quitting the flirting and now being much more subtle about it if she is still flirting. Having invited me to her home and to her favorite bar are some indicators she is interested. I just am not good at read subtle clues. Maybe she just wants to be friends. But she has plenty of friends, so why bother after all this time to try to be just friends.

[ghost69]

could be anything. just be careful with your job policies, but you can flirt back. initiate something.

[firewoman30]

That is why I am being careful to do nothing at work and am glad that I have been able to get some time with her outside of work.

[ghost69]

That is why I am being careful to do nothing at work and am glad that I have been able to get some time with her outside of work.

 

so what has been happening outside? you are at least talking to each other right?

[catfeeder]

It's possible she may have been counseled by someone on the job that her flirting was unprofessional. While I wouldn't pursue a personal relationship with someone on any job I intended to keep, in this economy it's an even bigger risk. If it goes sour, you've got nowhere to go. Maybe consider focusing outside your job for your social life--at very least until economics improve?

 

In your corner.