Can a person like this ever have a healthy relationship?

[damage3907]

My Fiancee has a pretty sordid past and some of the things she has been through I believe are starting to manifest themselves in our relationship! She has been married and divorced three times, has lived with a total of 6 men in all and most of her relationships have been abusive! Almost all mentally and a few of them have been physically abusive as well! She was innapropriately touched by her step father growing up and her mother refuses to this day to acknowledge it or talk about it with her and she also was raped when she was 18. Our relationship was very open and beautiful in the beginning, but I have caught her in quite a few lies and she is starting to become distant and withdrawn! She drinks quite a bit too! Can a person like this have a normal healthy relationship without counseling or am I fighting a loosing battle? Please advise!

[Mutley]

Sorry to say, but this doesn't look good.

 

I'd keep a watchful eye.

[Cognitive_Canine]

She can but it's very difficult.

[damage3907]

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

[ghost69]

i would only take her past into consideration. she can get passed that. but you need to help her with her current situation. you need to help her quit drinking and become open again. if counseling can do that, great. if not, what would you do if she couldn't move out of this situation? are you willing to fight for her or can you not take it anymore at that point?

[damage3907]

I don't know if she is willing to quit drinking! She's been doing it for years! I would help her anyway that I possibly could, but she has to be willing to help herself! I'm not too sure she's wanting to do that at this point! There is alot more to her past than what I have posted. It's quite treacherous! I think she may be damaged beyond repair without divine intervention!

[Mutley]

I think you have your answer.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Drinks a lot, married and divorced 3 times, lived with a total of 6 men, lies. I would say that you should stay away from her and don't become husband #4/divorce #4 for her.

[ghost69]

I think you have your answer.

 

sad to say i concur.

[damage3907]

I know it doesn't look good on paper does it!?!?!? I love her though but I'm afraid there's just too much history for her to ever settle down and live her life with any sense of normalcy or committment!

[ghost69]

they say love conquers all. i really believe situations like this, love cannot surpass. hey, i could be wrong.

[Mutley]

they say love conquers all. i really believe situations like this, love cannot surpass. hey, i could be wrong.

 

Love has conquered nothing in my life. Best to go into things with not alot of stuff to conquer to begin with.

 

But YES....there always is that 2% chance.

[damage3907]

Thanks for all the input! If there's anyone else out there who would like to comment I'd love to hear from you!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

People can and do overcome all kinds of trauma in the past, but they have to really want to and work at it. And if she drinks too much that certainly is not appropriate to having a happy and stable family life.

 

If you really love her, i'd suggest some couples counseling together to talk about whether you have what it takes to make it long term as a couple. And the counselor might suggest individual counseling or rehab for her if the counselor thinks that is what she needs.

 

So you might try attending counseling, but if she won't even do that or won't stop drinking, then you might need to break up with her if you want a stable and happy life.

[damage3907]

Thanks for everyone who has responded to this thread! I appreciate your feedback!

[loulee]

I know it doesn't look good on paper does it!?!?!? I love her though but I'm afraid there's just too much history for her to ever settle down and live her life with any sense of normalcy or committment!

 

 

bear in mind she doesnt really have the true concept of Normalcy in her life, past and present... and with a drinking problem to boot I honestly feel your best option is to make a clean break....I really feel this relationship is totally doomed..