How to initiate NC - PLEASE HELP!!

[NudeMoonbase]

Hi. I really need some advice on this. Here is my story in brief:

 

I dated my ex for a year and a half. We met in school and spent most days and nights together. The last semester together was difficult, and after I graduated about six months ago (she is a year behind me in school), we broke up. I took it very, very hard, and did all the wrong things (sobbing, begging etc...). We have everything in common and were once very much in love, but she lost feeling for me.

 

After we broke up she went on a study abroad program in South America. She had a great time, while I was struggling (and still am) to find a job, even with a degree from a top university. We remained in touch while she was away and while I tried to play it cool like everything was going great, I couldn't always maintain the facade that I wasn't thinking about her every f'ing day, sobbing in the morning etc... (tried dating, but nobody else compares - we were soulmates). She came back earlier this week and the short version of the story is that she is clearly not interested in getting back together while I still am, and I think she feels bad for me, which makes it even worse. She says she considers me her best friend and wants to keep it that way, but we all know what this means. I said to her that I knew she didn't want to get back together, but to please let me know if her feelings changed.

 

In the days since we last saw each other I've become convinced that NC is the only way to go. I want to spend time with her to try and convince her that I'm still a fun guy, but I don't think it's going to work after all the * * * * I put her through and because she knows full well how I feel already. I've been going through the worst depression imaginable since we broke up, and seeing her makes me want to weep because of how beautiful she is and how perfect we used to be together (I know there were a bunch of problems too, but we used to love each other in that way I just can't describe).

 

Anyway, my question is, how do I do NC after all this? Do I send her a message or simply ignore her? And if I send a message, what should it say? Should I wait for her to contact me before I send it? Should I unfriend her on facebook (I keep checking her pictures to try to see if she's with anyone else, and it tortures me when it looks like she might be)? If she contacts me for my birthday (which is soon) do I respond, and should I send her a message on her's (which is shortly after mine)?

 

This is horrible. For most of our relationship, we loved each other so intensely. I don't know how to live without her. I've already probably ruined any chance there was at reconciliation by acting so needy. I know intellectually that I should not hope for us getting back together, but I can't feel it. Please...somebody help.

[julioiglesia]

it sounds like story shared by all of us.

beginning NC for your own sake is healthy choice. Only for your sake will you begin to find true emancipation from the constant shackles you are wearing.

 

It is all or nothing, she can't make the cake and eat it too. it is best to consider this a dead end and never look back.

 

this is just a phase. like any phase. it will pass. there is light in the end of the tunnel.

gotta make sure you don't want her back and convince yourself she is gone and you will never mend your heart if you are still clinging to her.

 

she left you. nothing in this world will make her come to you. keep the good memories and don't think once that because the memories were great, then there should be a part two of the love story.

 

it all starts with you today. brainwash yourself that she is away somewhere without you in a safe place and does not need your constant surveillance.

 

Turn antipathy into apathy, then you've moved on.

[franfran]

Hi there... sorry for what you're going through. No contact is just that... No Contact. You can go about it any way you wish, but if I were you, I would just let her be. Honestly, you don't owe her anything, you don't need to let her know you are going NC. She dumped you...she broke your heart....remember this. Once you go NC you might begin to accept the situation and start doing things with only yourself in mind.. completely without her....and it will be wonderful! Don't call her, don't text her, don't respond to her. Do this for YOU.

I don't really know what to say about facebook. It can be an evil, evil website, ha. I don't talk to my ex (who dumped me 2 months ago) and initially I blocked him on fb but unblocked him because I feel more powerful not checking his profile when it's right in front of me rather than not BEING ABLE to check his profile. Do as you may....but remember that sometimes it is good to just step away from the computer.

Good luck

[NudeMoonbase]

Thank you both for your replies, you said what I needed to hear. I haven't spoken to her since my last post and I'm not going to answer when she calls. My birthday is in a few weeks, though, and I'm not sure what to do if she tries to give me a gift. Do I remain completely silent? Politely turn it down? I just don't want to seem petty. But then again I shouldn't care how I seem to her anymore, right?

 

There's a series of noteworthy events coming up in January, things we would usually be around each other for. I figure if I can get through them without saying anything, I'll be able to keep up NC.

 

I'm grateful to both of you for taking the time to advise me, and thanks to anyone else who might reply. It's helpful to know there are people who understand. Being alone sucks

[baseball8]

just be careful when it comes to your Birthday. A close friend and I have recently been through a similar situation.

 

My friend's ex wanted to hang out with him on his Birthday, just to reel him in only to tell him she was unsure of what she wanted.

 

You should not have told her that if she changes her mind to let you know. You just made her feel like she made the right choice to not be with you when you say those things.

 

I've been through it. Ignore the text and phone calls. It will just slow down the healing process. It's tough man. Just don't do anything irrationally. Don't let her make you feel guilty about anything. She chose not to be with you, so give her what she wanted.

 

Just don't do anything to get a reaction out of her. Don't get upset if you find out she's dating someone else, expect it. A rebound relationship fails 90% of the time.

 

Work on improving yourself. Pick up a productive hobby, exercise, and stay focused.

 

Good luck