How to get a life in place where you are just miserable

[Anotherday]

I've been living in this place for five years now and have been miserable ever since my arrival. I have no friends here, no family and am soon to quit this crappy job I've had for five months. In my former life I had no trouble making friends and held a job for three years. I made a big mistake by pulling up stakes and relocating here. Now I feel stuck.

 

I don't feel good about myself and finally weighed myself this a.m. I've gained 45 lbs in the last year. I have had some off and on friendships here - mostly off. I just don't fit in.

 

I'm ready to just throw in the towel but I can't. I just can't. I have a house I could sell and I could pick up and leave, and I just might do that. Still, so much time wasted here in these last five years.

 

Anyway, I don't know where to start. Think I'll try to work out today and clean my house. All I can think of is baby steps. I am NOT a spring chicken and if I don't get it together now, I am afraid I never will.

 

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and how did you dig yourself out? Thanks in advance.

[h.long]

I can honestly relate to you. I feel like crap. I need to start working on myself. I've gained a lot of weight too. I think things would get better if I felt better about myself. I know they will. Starting to live a healthy lifestyle just seems like impossible to do though. I need to work on my self-control and start carrying out goals that I set up for myself.

[Anotherday]

I can honestly relate to you. I feel like crap. I need to start working on myself. I've gained a lot of weight too. I think things would get better if I felt better about myself. I know they will. Starting to live a healthy lifestyle just seems like impossible to do though. I need to work on my self-control and start carrying out goals that I set up for myself.

 

I can relate about it seeming impossible. At this time last year I weighed 125 lbs. Now I weigh 170. I don't know how I let this happen. I was involved with a string of men and those "relationships" did not work out, then my dog got sick in March/April and that set me back $1000s of dollars, then I had to put my dog to sleep on July 26 and then start this job with this agency on August 4. Every week our "numbers" are reviewed and the threat of termination is always there. Both me and another coworker have discussed our jobs and we both feel worthless and like slackers - and I've always been a hard worker.

 

It just seems like everything is coming to a head and at times I feel like it's going to implode. Giving up is not an option as that will only make things worse, although I do plan to join the ranks of the unemployed in three weeks, which I am not looking forward to. However, it is preferable to feeling worthless every day and like the ax is going to drop every week.

[h.long]

Do you enjoy your job?

[Anotherday]

Do you enjoy your job?

 

No. We're all horribly overworked and not appreciated and threatened with the possibility of termination if we fail to make our weekly numbers. Last week I was "talked to" about my time managment skills. In all my years of working this has never come up. I've always had above average performance reviews. The clients are at times demanding, some of the kids' situations seem hopeless (I do social work) and then this agency treats us like crap.

 

I just need to get on track and get a life, but that might not be possible here.

 

Plus, you know the feeling of being fat and just not even wanting to hang out with people? It's going to take a LONG time to take off these 45 lbs and I don't know how I just let everything go to heck.

[h.long]

You would probably feel better about yourself if you felt better about where you work. Maybe it's time to start looking for a new job. It would be a start to making yourself feel better.

[Anotherday]

Thanks, I think you are right. I did update my resume. Maybe I will apply for one job today, just to move in the right direction.

 

What about you? Are there aspects of your life that are going well?

[h.long]

Actually, nothing in my life seems to be going well. At least that is what my brain is telling me..lol I'm not doing that bad. I can't really complain. I do need to find employment very soon. I haven't had a job since Oct. I got laid off. Fortunately, my boyfriend makes enough income to support us. I am very grateful to have him or I would be SOL...

 

My problem is that I worry too much. I am constantly worried about anything and everything. I hold myself back from doing what I am capable of. I am stuck in my thoughts. I need help..lol

[hmdreamer7]

I think it's smart of you to think in terms of baby steps. I have also gained weight, except over a longer period of time, about a year & a half I've gained 30lbs. Then I caught my ex cheating on me and have struggled emotionally and physically ever since. I've been just living life day by day until this summer, when I finally started to pull myself out of my depression.

 

I did something physical every day - ie exercise, walking, cleaning - anything to get me out of the house for at least 30 minutes. I also watched a LOT of comedies. I still do! It helps to be in a happy mood, even if it just seems temporary, it turns into longer periods of time because that feeling just stays with you. Also, I picked up on activities I had always wanted to do, which for me was learning to play the guitar. It was mostly self taught, but I had friends who played with me, so I ended up picking up something that I could do with other people.

 

So basically I slowly added physical activity to my life, did things that made me laugh/happy, and I tried something different that helped me make friends.

 

I would still consider selling your house and moving, if it's a possibility for you. But you could still stay, and try a different approach to your area. Do you know of any other places in your area that you haven't been to yet, like a new coffee shop, park, arts center, etc.? And do you socialize with anyone at work, maybe who feels the same way about the job as you do? You could ask that person to hang out with you, or you could both go out somewhere like a bar and meet people, that way you aren't going alone.

[Anotherday]

I think the physical stuff thing is key. It's just hard to get motivated. I used to work out several times a week and I felt better.

 

Today I made the mistake? of checking my work messages. What I do for a living puts me in the middle of some pretty dismal situations, which doesn't help, and I'm thinking of going back to school for a master's degree in teaching. Anyway, this mom called me today threatening to call the police or child protective services to pick up her 14 year old adopted developmentally disabled son or driving out of state with him and just dropping him off at a firehouse. Geez... Today was supposed to be vacation for me, but I ended up calling her and made other calls as well. So much for a day off.

 

Anyway, really great ideas and thank you much.

[Anotherday]

Actually, nothing in my life seems to be going well. At least that is what my brain is telling me..lol I'm not doing that bad. I can't really complain. I do need to find employment very soon. I haven't had a job since Oct. I got laid off. Fortunately, my boyfriend makes enough income to support us. I am very grateful to have him or I would be SOL...

 

My problem is that I worry too much. I am constantly worried about anything and everything. I hold myself back from doing what I am capable of. I am stuck in my thoughts. I need help..lol

 

Well, you are very lucky to have a nice BF who supports you. That is a wonderful thing.

 

Worry can be a problem and I don't have the answer for that one, as I am a worry wart myself.