He's ALWAYS late!

[ziggie31]

Augh. So I'm not in the best of moods right now as I write this, this is really more a vent than anything else, but if anyone has any advice on the subject it'd be greatly appreciated!

 

My boyfriend and I were planning on hanging out today to work together on our college essays (proofreading, critiquing, etc.) and I was looking forward to seeing him because it's been about a week since we last spent any time together. Last night we talked about our plans. He said he wanted to go to the store first and buy a shirt with his Christmas money. He planned on doing that at around 10 and said he'd probably be at my house around noon. He said he'd call me in the morning once he found out anything more definite.

 

11:30 the next morning comes and I still haven't heard anything from him. I send him a text asking what's up, and he says going to the bank took a little longer than expected, he'll call me when he heads over. Now it's 1:30 and I still haven't heard anything from him.

 

It's not like this is an isolated incident, either. He's ALWAYS late. He'll say he'll meet me in the morning before school and then, without fail, he doesn't show up because he overslept his alarm or something or other. I try to tell him to do something about it (set multiple alarms in case he sleeps through one, turn the volume on his phone up, etc.) and it seems to me that he doesn't care enough to try, because he keeps on with the same routine.

 

We'll plan on meeting at the mall or a restaurant or something at a certain time. Almost every time I'll end up being there early/on time and have to wait an extra 15-30 min for him to show up. Sometimes he'll call, AT the time we planned to meet, and tell me he's running late. Sometimes I can't even reach him because his phone is out of minutes, so I'll end up just sitting there feeling stood up until he finally shows.

 

It's getting reeaallly frustrating. Most of the time his tardiness puts me in a bad mood and I hate it when something like that hampers the rest of the day. I understand nobody's perfect and even I have been late before - but if I think I'm going to be late to something, I'll always call and let the other person know, it's just a common courtesy. And if he knows that he's late a lot, and that it upsets me, couldn't he make the effort to try getting ready and leaving the house earlier next time so it doesn't happen again?

 

Ugh.

[h.long]

If you feel this way about him, just imagine how his parents feel, how his doctors feel, etc...He is probably just a leisure kind of guy. In his mind everything runs on his clock. I think you should have the "responsibility" talk with him. I'm sure he could use a boost. If you don't get on him, who else will?

[DN]

Don't be there when he eventually shows up. When he asks why tell him that when he is going to be late you are going to assume he isn't coming at all and will make alternate arrangements.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You need to sit down and tell him exactly what you told us.

 

Only, cool down first. Tell him with sadness, not with anger or resentment.

[ziggie31]

I've tried talking to him about it before - I even made it clear that I was looking out for his interests, not just my own, because when he gets a job and starts working most people will not be too tolerant on constant tardiness - but unfortunately he hasn't changed, or made any effort to change from what I've seen.

 

In fact, my dad (who works in real estate) offered to let us work for him and put in flooring in a house that he was working on. We arranged a time for my bf to get a ride to our house so that we could all drive over from there, and I told my dad what time that would be... he ended up coming VERY late, I can't remember exactly but I believe it was about 2 hours. Of course my dad was nice enough to let it slide, but I know there are a lot of bosses that wouldn't take that.

 

Maybe he just has to learn responsibility in general. He keeps saying he'll get a job but hasn't tried, keeps saying he'll get his license (he's 17 and only has his permit, he gets driven around everywhere by either me or his parents) but hasn't done that, owes me a good chunk of money that he's borrowed to buy clothes and such but, instead of paying me back, just buys more things...sigh. I hope he matures soon and learns responsibility fast, he can't keep going on like this.