KG Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 ^^^ now that's responsibility talking! Freedom, with repurcussions. Good for you. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 There seems to be an element of bitterness in this post that doesn't really bode well for the relationship. He may be over-indulgent but you seem as if you would be resentful of her relationship with her father even if he were not. I am not sure that you should be contemplating a long-term relationship with someone you consider a moron. I pick that up a lot in your posts about this guy, you seem to have some resentment towards his daughter over something. The way he is handling this isn't the smartest but at the same time why are you calling the guy you love oh so dearly a moron for how he parents his child? Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted December 27, 2008 Author Share Posted December 27, 2008 There seems to be an element of bitterness in this post that doesn't really bode well for the relationship. He may be over-indulgent but you seem as if you would be resentful of her relationship with her father even if he were not. I am not sure that you should be contemplating a long-term relationship with someone you consider a moron. I said that emotionally.Of course I don't consider hima moron,He is a really really really wonderful guy and I can honestly say our relationship is great. But he is an idiot when it comes to his parenting tactics.I'm not meddling,I'm just saying....it's fact, any parent can see it. He trusts his daughter blindly. P.S. I'm not jelaous of his relationship with his daughter,I'm quite glad he has a close relationship with her.I just think he got it the wrong way. Of course any parent would have a close relationship with their child if all they heard was 'yes' and a credit card in their hand. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 Cadence, perhaps as a minimum you can talk to him about the wisdom of getting her on birth control pills. If she is going to run wild, it is better to at least make sure she has access to good birth control to prevent the worse accidental pregnancy which could permanently affect her life, either by the trauma of abortion or adoption, or getting a child that she is obviously not mature enough to raise regardless of what she thinks. Many teens end up pregnant becuase they are afraid to talk to their parents about asking for birth control, but in this case where he actively allows her sleeping away and with anyone, it is best to just get her on birth control pills. Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted December 27, 2008 Author Share Posted December 27, 2008 Thanks though I'm pretty sure she already is on BC. And honestly even if she isn't,I would never wish her bad or any problems,but I just feel like he needs to face the consequences of the way he parents his child. Link to comment
DN Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 Thanks though I'm pretty sure she already is on BC. And honestly even if she isn't,I would never wish her bad or any problems,but I just feel like he needs to face the consequences of the way he parents his child. I don't think what he is allowing her to do is wise but you can't predict consequences - she could turn out to be just fine despite, or even because of, the way he parents just as your children could turn out very different from the way you hope they will despite, or perhaps because of, the way you parent. You may find that he is critical of your parenting skills at some point and those criticisms may end up being very valid. His child is his business - but there does seem to be the potential for conflict should you two either blend your families and have children together. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 No such thing here 'Daddy can I go *insert place*' 'Sure sweetie,don't be home late' Next thing,she is coming home at about 4,5 a.m. On this trip there will be plenty of girls AND boys and her boyfriend,they're all on an unsupervised trip for over a week.What do these kids' parents' do? well he seems to be ok with her having a bf already. so i guess he thinks they will probably have sex or are having already. of course there are other "bad"/risky things they can get into but sex somehow springs to mind when you mention teens hanging out lol. all i can say is as long as i have been living with my single dad, he never let me go to any sleepovers.. thinking back i dont blame him. but at the same time i wish he was less strict with me. i think your bf is being a bit too,, leanient with his daughter. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 Yea, that's like waiting for something too happen. Maybe he trust his daughter too much that is confident nothing out of the ordinately would happen to her. Link to comment
Sky-Cherries Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 *shrug* My mother in law let her son's 13 year old girlfriend move in because they 'looked like they were truly in love'. Link to comment
KG Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 *shrug* My mother in law let her son's 13 year old girlfriend move in because they 'looked like they were truly in love'. When does a Parent's mind go on Va-Ka??????? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 *shrug* My mother in law let her son's 13 year old girlfriend move in because they 'looked like they were truly in love'. and i thought it was bad enough that my 15 yr old friend was allowed to sleep over at her bf's. and practicly live there.. here you have BOTH kids parents thinking this is ay-ok... Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted December 28, 2008 Author Share Posted December 28, 2008 I wasn't allowed to even have a boyfriend at that age! Oooh,it hurts just to imagine myself asking my dad at that age if I can spend the night at my bf's house! Link to comment
yeawutever Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I had to lie to my father once in order to go to my ex date's house, I was 18 then LOL. But I still manage then also lie again to go on a hotel with my boyfriend, 19 at the time. But it's easy lying, just tell them, esp. protective fathers that you going to mall with friend/s, LOL, you got no clue at times. Link to comment
Sky-Cherries Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 and i thought it was bad enough that my 15 yr old friend was allowed to sleep over at her bf's. and practicly live there.. here you have BOTH kids parents thinking this is ay-ok... Oh no, the girl's parents were trying to get her back, but in-law reported her for *completely made-up* child abuse, just so the daughter could move in legally. so the girl's mother is stuck sobbing about losing her daughter, and in-law is lying to courts and police just to make her son happy. Needless to say, son is spoilt brat who gets anything he tantrums over. Link to comment
MollyElise Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I totally agree that this is not good parenting. I would not let my teenager do this. But, on the other side of the coin, I have to admit that I left home at 14 and moved in with a boyfriend and his mom for a couple years, I've lived by myself or with boyfriends since then. Even though I went through that and definitely had some interesting times, I was never raped, I didn't become a pregnant teenager, I actually didn't even get mixed up in drinking or drugs until I was 18/19. Now at 29, I am succeeding in life as much, if not better than the average person my age regardless of how protective their parents were. To even look at the other side, MY mother was raised in an extremely strict household, no boyfriends, no sleepovers, very religious. She went to college @ 18, ended up living in a Meth house and knocked up by a random dude (with yours truly) within a year. I really wonder how much following the social/moral 'rules' of society really impact the happiness and successfullness of your life. My thoughts on this are very fluid, in some ways I feel like if I had been given more opportunities and structure I may have been able to go to an Ivy League school and could be on my path to CEO of a hugely successful company. But maybe in that time I learned to be materialistic, greedy and learned to lie. Maybe his daughter having this freedom (and chance to fall) will teach her independence and resilliancy. 16 is such a strange age, looking back, I was young and had a lot to learn (still do!), but also still very much who I still am 10 years later. Link to comment
spinstermanquee Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 When I think back to my scared, alone times out on my own at 14, I wanted and wished for someone to take care of me, to guide me, to help me make the most of my young life. At the time, all I had was the hoods and drug dealers in my neighborhood who preyed on girls like me. It took a while but I got out, got myself into uni, and the rest is history. All I'm saying is, if anyone knows a young lady out there who seems tough and handling it all, she's not. If she is taking on adult responsibilities and activities before her time, she's not really ready. She's scared and just needs a good non-judgemental shoulder to lean on - someone to talk to. Someone to teach her how to become a grown woman. If any one of you know a girl out there, please reach out. Give her a place to retreat to, someone to talk to. Don't worry about who's too permissive or who is overly strict, just be there for them. They will thank you later. I had someone like that for me, thank God. Link to comment
heaven66 Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 My boyfriends daughter's sweet 16 is on the 28th December. He is letting her and her friends go completely unsupervised to some resort in the mountains where they'll spend her birthday and New Year. The only,lets say. 'adult' will be her barely 18 year old brother and some of his friends. I'm not meddling,I know it's not my business at all but I guess I just needed to vent. Imagine you are a single parent to a teenage girl.Would you ever let her alone on a trip with her friends and boyfriend to throw birthday/New year bash with your credit card where I'm pretty sure there will be unlimited access to champange and other alcohol?! Wow..where was he when i was growing up? I would of taken a dad like that!.lol he is insane...but then again father knows best Link to comment
jcrisph Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 needs to be balance......I know a lot of girls who had strict rules growing up and just went wild when they got a little bit of freedom, you can say that for boys or girls. Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Well it's that whole Nature vs Nurture thing. Maybe it just depends on what kind of a person you are? I had very strict rules when I was growing up, almost no freedom and I turned out fine. I went to college,got my degree, got married and had a baby which I am a great mother to... This girl is on her road to an Ivy League school, she is very lucky with a bright future ahead of her which is why I'm worried that she wrecks it. Link to comment
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