What parent does this?!

[Cadence_oO]

My boyfriends daughter's sweet 16 is on the 28th December.

He is letting her and her friends go completely unsupervised to some resort in the mountains where they'll spend her birthday and New Year.

The only,lets say. 'adult' will be her barely 18 year old brother and some of his friends.

 

I'm not meddling,I know it's not my business at all but I guess I just needed to vent.

 

Imagine you are a single parent to a teenage girl.Would you ever let her alone on a trip with her friends and boyfriend to throw birthday/New year bash with your credit card where I'm pretty sure there will be unlimited access to champange and other alcohol?!

 

[waveseer]

I wouldn't because I went to see my sister at college when I was 15, 16, 17 and ALWAYS got mixed up in things over my head.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

He obviously has a very different parenting style.

 

Some single parents feel guilty and just indulge their children in anything they ask for. And others are basically happy to have the teenager out of their hair, so they do things like this.

 

I do think this man has a very different parenting style than yours, so if you are thinking of getting serious with him, you might battle with him and your own daughter expect the same lenient treatment all the time. That is not a problem if you provide the discipline, but when she gets old enough to run to him for support, you may find yourself losing control over your own daughter if he agrees to let her do things you wouldn't agree to.

[DN]

I think he is being unwise.

 

I think you would be unwise to say so.

[Cadence_oO]

He obviously has a very different parenting style.

 

Some single parents feel guilty and just indulge their children in anything they ask for. And others are basically happy to have the teenager out of their hair, so they do things like this.

 

I do think this man has a very different parenting style than yours, so if you are thinking of getting serious with him, you might battle with him and your own daughter expect the same lenient treatment all the time. That is not a problem if you provide the discipline, but when she gets old enough to run to him for support, you may find yourself losing control over your own daughter if he agrees to let her do things you wouldn't agree to.

 

Oh to tell you the truth,I serously can't imagine my life with him after this.

 

If it works out and we get quite serious I still wouldn't want my Alexis exposed to such influences.

[Cadence_oO]

I think he is being unwise.

 

I think you would be unwise to say so.

 

Oh I'm not gonna say anything to him.I finally learned my lesson,his kids are his business.

 

I'm just a bit shocked,it's not responsible parenting at all imo.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It would be really hard to keep him from having an influence if you live together or marry (or spend a lot of time together).

 

Sometimes when you have a child you have to choose the partner that will be good for both of you, not just for you. I think since you are not serious with him yet the relationship is fine, but eventually you will want to find a man who would be a good influence for your daughter as well.

 

I think it irresponsible parenting too... to just turn kids that young loose... i remember you said she has no curfew either, and comes in at 3 am. etc. He is basically not really being a parent, more like just sharing a house with her and throwing money at her while she does whatever she pleases (and leaves him alone). Some people don't want the trouble that being a real parent brings.

[Cadence_oO]

She has NO curfew,she can stay out all night if she wants (which she actually did).

A person would think he kind of got smacked on the head after the incident with her ex but apparently he just continued his way...

[DN]

When my girls were this age they didn't have a curfew either as such. But the rules were that we had to know who they were with, where they were, what time they expected to be home and if anything changed we were to be immediately told by phone. And we had a veto on the plans.

 

As I remember there was only once that I said one of them could not do something - it was a club she wanted to go to. I phoned the local police and asked them what they thought of it. The cop wouldn't go into details so I asked him if he would let his teenage daughter go there and he answered 'no'. So I said no as well.

 

But they would not have asked about a mixed sleepover - they would already have known the answer.

[Cadence_oO]

When my girls were this age they didn't have a curfew either as such. But the rules were that we had to know who they were with, where they were, what time they expected to be home and if anything changed we were to be immediately told by phone. And we had a veto on the plans.

 

As I remember there was only once that I said one of them could not do something - it was a club she wanted to go to. I phoned the local police and asked them what they thought of it. The cop wouldn't go into details so I asked him if he would let his teenage daughter go there and he answered 'no'. So I said no as well.

 

But they would not have asked about a mixed sleepover - they would already have known the answer.

 

 

No such thing here

'Daddy can I go *insert place*'

'Sure sweetie,don't be home late'

 

Next thing,she is coming home at about 4,5 a.m.

 

On this trip there will be plenty of girls AND boys and her boyfriend,they're all on an unsupervised trip for over a week.What do these kids' parents' do?

[KG]

That is just bizzarre! He WANTS to become a Grandfather?

[forever1130]

well I'm 17 and I know my parents would never even consider letting me do that, they probably wouldn't even let me do that for my 18th birthday.

 

IMO I think it's just asking for trouble... Not a good idea!

[Cadence_oO]

That is just bizzarre! He WANTS to become a Grandfather?

 

Thats exactly what I'm thinking! He might aswell hand her a bottle of vodka and a pack of condoms!

 

And to add,he's buying her a new car for her birthday.

It's insane,I actually once asked him why does he buy them so much stuff he told me 'It's hard when you can fford it,not to get your kids everything they want'.

Yes,it's bloody hard,I know it's hard,parenthood is hard! The easiest thing in the world is to say 'yes'.

 

But noooo,she loves him so much and thinks he's the best dad in the world and hugs him etc.

I'd hug my dad alot too if he let me do all these things when I was that age.

[Pinkiepie]

My boyfriends daughter's sweet 16 is on the 28th December.

He is letting her and her friends go completely unsupervised to some resort in the mountains where they'll spend her birthday and New Year.

The only,lets say. 'adult' will be her barely 18 year old brother and some of his friends.

 

I'm not meddling,I know it's not my business at all but I guess I just needed to vent.

 

Imagine you are a single parent to a teenage girl.Would you ever let her alone on a trip with her friends and boyfriend to throw birthday/New year bash with your credit card where I'm pretty sure there will be unlimited access to champange and other alcohol?!

 

 

No, no no no no, never in a million years. I was 16 once and I'm sorry, no matter how well you raised them, you can't trust them. This is a storm waiting to happen. Worse case scenario, she gets drunk, drugged, raped or worse.

[KG]

For what it's worth, I am close friends with a woman who has the almost same parenting tactics. And she is AMAZED when my son opens the door for her, or thanks her for coming by.

Her 4 kids watched us bring in 12 bags of groceries once...not one raised a hand.

[metrogirl]

Not in a million years would I ever let my teenage daughter and her barely legal brother have a get together without any supervision.

 

I shudder to think what kind of craziness could happen.

[h.long]

This sounds absurd. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing you hear about in the newspapers and you see on horror movies! A bunch of rich spoiled teenagers going to a deserted place in the middle of nowhere...HA!

[waveseer]

No, no no no no, never in a million years. I was 16 once and I'm sorry, no matter how well you raised them, you can't trust them. This is a storm waiting to happen. Worse case scenario, she gets drunk, drugged, raped or worse.

 

Alcohol poisoning in a remote location could easily end in death.

[Cadence_oO]

I would like to write all the things that could go wrong and send him that anonimously.

[h.long]

Or you could volunteer to chaperonage the trip. This will give you time to bond with his children and tell them how badly you want to send them off to boarding school. LOL..

[KG]

Cadence,

Could you pressure him about who's liable if there is an accident or worse?

[Cadence_oO]

You see,my boyfriend trusts his beloved daughter sooo much that he firmly believes that no accidents will happen.Moron...

[Cadence_oO]

Or you could volunteer to chaperonage the trip. This will give you time to bond with his children and tell them how badly you want to send them off to boarding school. LOL..

 

LOL!

Oh hurry up college years!

[DN]

You see,my boyfriend trusts his beloved daughter sooo much that he firmly believes that no accidents will happen.Moron...

There seems to be an element of bitterness in this post that doesn't really bode well for the relationship. He may be over-indulgent but you seem as if you would be resentful of her relationship with her father even if he were not.

 

I am not sure that you should be contemplating a long-term relationship with someone you consider a moron.

[spinstermanquee]

16, 18, or even 20 does not an adult make as I am sure you are aware! This man needs a serious thump on the head. Never even mind the alcohol, it's also safety and guidance aspects of the trip that could cause serious damage. I hope with all my heart this man doesn't have to see his daughter disgraced or diseased or pregnant or any combo of the aforementioned, before he understands the implications of giving too many freedoms too quickly... before they are earned/established with time.

 

My daughter's prom group rented a hotel room - don't ask how - and many of the parents let them sleep over and even spend the weekend! We negotiated a pick-up time of 3 a.m. (she tried for 5; we suggested 1; we met in the middle). Darned if she wasn't there for us at 02:59:59 with a mild buzz, but not drunk and she did have her clothes on. There were throwups, there were hiccups, there were hookups, but at the end of the evening our daughter was sleeping in her own bed, safely. The pregnancies came later. Thank goodness she wasn't among them.

 

I've taken a lot of ENA heat in the past for my more conservative views on raising a daughter, especially from the younger contingency. My feeling is that once you are out on your own, on your own dime, on your own time, you can do whatever you want because it's your mess to clean up. But as long as you are on the family dime, the family time, then the family calls the shots. The family, however, will also have to clean up the mess, most especially if no ground rules are set ahead of time - that's called "making one's bed."

 

In the prom scenario, if our daughter went against our specific requests/instructions then she would be on her own to rectify the situation. In the absense of any instruction or guidance, however, the responsibility would be firmly in our camp. It's only fair.

 

God bless and I hope she comes out unscathed. Shame her Dad isn't more involved, and thank you on behalf of young ladies everywhere for giving a cr-p.

 

W