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My parents HATE my boyfriend....


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My parents don't like my boyfriend, in fact, they don't even know we are dating and we've been together for a year now. They think that we are not speaking to each other. About a half a year ago, my parents threatened me with the "honor your mother and father" commandment and quit talking to him. I asked for reasons why and all they replied with was "we have our reasons". I think that they think he is too old for me. I am 20 and he is 24. I will be 21 in a few months. He is not a bad guy. He is in the Army National Guard and has served our country overseas. There is absolutely no reason why my parents shouldn't like him. All my friends parents love him! Everybody tells me I should woman up and talk to my parents about it and lay down the line, but I'm afraid my parents will fully restrict me from him and I will never be able to see him again. I love him very much and I'd do anything for him, but I'm literally afraid to talk to my parents. And I'm afraid someday they will find out about us and even be more angry with me. What should I do?

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They can't restrict you from seeing him...you are an adult. Do they have any particular reason not to like him...a 4 year age difference is nothing. Are your parents controlling in other aspects of your life? You need to tell them point blank that you are seeing this guy and that it is your life not theirs. If they start threatening you or guilt tripping you tell them it is unaccpetable and you will continue to see this guy. You may want to consider getting your own apartment.

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Part of becoming an adult isn't just in the legal sense - it is in taking charge of your own life, making your own decisions and taking or leaving advice rather than taking instructions from other people.


It means that you say to your parents "I understand that you are concerned for me, but I have now made my decision and ask you to respect my right to do so."


And if they decide that they will impose some sort of consequences upon you - then you are prepared to move out on your own. If you are still dependent on them in some way and don't want to give that up then you must also accept their decisions and obey. Only people who give up dependence can be autonomous.

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I have to agree with your friends,you need talk to your parents about this.


At least so they would give you a reason why they hate him.In my opinion they hate him because of only one thing : he's dating their daughter.

They need to accept the fact that you're all grown up and relish the fact that you are a normal,sensible,happy girl who made a good choice.


You are almost 21 and I'm sorry but their right to tell you who to date or not is slowly fading away.

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Am I reading this right? You are almost 21 years old?


It sounds like you do not communicate well with your parents. The first thing you need to do is to learn how to tell them what is going on.


I'm guessing they are supporting you, and you are living at home. As long as you are under their roof, they can set any rules they would like. Your second move needs to be to get out of the house. I'm guessing your parents will resist this, too. Too bad for them.


Get on with it. You are an adult.

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What do you want to do? You are at the stage in your life where you need to start taking responsibility for your actions. Are you ready to do so? Based on what you have said, your parents sound like control freaks. At some point, they will have to realize they neither own nor control you. Are you afraid to go against them, or to dissappoint them? Truth is, that day is coming sooner or later. Are you ready for that day to be today? Only you can answer.

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  • 8 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

argh i know the feeling! I turned 18 a month ago. My parents divorced last year and I live with my mum, see my dad every 2nd weekend.


My mum, however, has a pathetic rule: no boyfriend until after i've graduated.


I've been friends with my boyfriend for 3 years. We started going out in january behind mums back. In June I told her he had kissed me and asked if i could date him. She said yes but only if we took it slow (which we were) and I wasn't allowed to see him during the week.


Now, its the end of year 12 and my grades are slipping. not because of him, but because my teachers persistently give me bad grades when i try really hard. She's made a new rule, same with my dad, that i don't text him, i can call him for 5 minutes and thats it. I have free texts to his number, so we text alot.


I'm not allowed to see him now until schools over, that's what she has said. We had a huge fight and she tells me I HAVE to listen to her, not should.


She goes on all the time about how "he's not my choice, you know I don't like him."

He's almost 18, he dosen't drink or do drugs. He's catholic, so he's waiting till marriage to have sex, same with me, he's an apprentice electrician and he's attractive and polite. You think he'd be a perfect ideal boyfriend for worried parents. But he's not. He's "too obsessed with me" according to her and she dosen't want me to date so young (im 18!)


I don't know what to do. I left to live with my dad for a while, coz I have no idea what to say to her.


I'm prepared to see him less for the next month of school...but when schools over, I want to see him as much as i want. She dosen't allow that!


It's pulling us apart.

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