Am I wrong for denying her sex? also, what should I say about an embarrassing comment?

[Umlunguusa]

I need your advice on this!

 

Now I have a new problem--Yesterday was Christmas eve, and I took some of the advice you guys offered and used it (Thanks guys! you all helped, really!) and told her exactly what I wrote and expressed that vocally. However, it being Christmas eve, I was rather drunk and stoned (oh come on, there HAS to be some occasional smokers out here!) so, she REALLY tried to get me to sleep with her. I told her what I wrote, and I was very clear that it wasn't going to happen.

 

She didn't really react to that, just kind've stated that "well, we'll have to get you even drunk, to lower your moral guard!"

 

I went home early (don't worry, in a taxi, hehe) and just went to sleep.

 

well, so in asked her today, rather nonchalantly, "Why do you want to f*** me so much?"

 

She responded that it was for a number of reasons. She says that it's because she never has been denied before, and that just makes her hornier and want me more, and also, that she is genuinely attracted to me (she brings up that the moment she knew was when I was consoling her through her break up, and to make her feel better, I was playing Chopin and Beethoven on the Piano--haha, random) so I guess she's felt this way for a while...but I don't think she likes me that way, she says she wants me as a friend she can screw around with, which I'm against. she also says I'm generally attractive to her, so I guess that doesn't help.

 

Well, to understand me, I grew up without any close relationships to anyone, where I was homeless, obese, and generally unloved, abused--and so I've come to value attachment more than sex. irrelevant, but that's why I am the way I am.

 

So today on Christmas...she brought something up REALLY embarrassing. She told my sister that she masturbates to me! While I was somewhat flattered, I admit, it was HIGHLY inappropriate, because she did it to arouse my attention, I suppose. my sis just laughed, but it embarrassed the HELL out of me.

 

I mean, this girls not a ho' at all; she's only had 3 relationships, and sex with two guys, from as far as I know. She is the LT type, but for some reason, she just wants to screw with me, nothing beyond that. And she says I'm becoming an obsession of hers. again, flattering, but...

 

So also on Christmas...she again tried. I got angry and told her to in a harsh way to stop it. she began to cry, and says that I should be more like other men.

 

Is something wrong here? what do I do from here?

 

Also, how should I respond to her on the comment she made to my sis? please help!

[Siriana]

She wants to be your FWB but you're not into FWB thing.

 

She's being too pushy simply because you are saying no and she enjoys the chase and hates to be rejected. If you ask me that is plain childish. Btw I bet you flirt with her and keep giving her mixed signals. She wouldn't be so persistent otherwise.

 

That comment she made is irrelevant and I wouldn't find it embarrassing at all if I were you.

 

 

IF you're so bothered by it stop hanging around with her.

But something tells me you love the attention you get from her.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You need to be very blunt, as in, no, i'm not interested, never will be, leave me alone or we will stop being friends entirely if you keep this up. and tell her what she said in front of your sister was very embarrassing and not appropriate, so stop it.

 

and if she doesn't leave you alone, stop being friends with her.

[High5girl]

If she isn't respecting your wishes....I wouldn't even bother with her.

This isn't something you want right? Then instead of making the situation worse, I would simply remove yourself from it all.

 

The comment wasn't something you appreciated. I would talk to her and let her know that this behavior needs to stop and tell her that the comment wasn't appropriate. Especilly being said to one of your family members.

 

if you say or do nothing, this will continue.

[yellow_sweater]

Just to point this out... if the gender roles were reversed and a MAN was being so pushy and aggressive to a WOMAN, our advice would definitely (and rightly) be more extreme--you're in danger of being raped, drop this "friendship" and contact the police.

 

Why is our advice different here? Because she can't physically hold him down and rape him? What if this cuckoo goes to the police and says that she was raped by him? You're playing with fire. She can screw with you and your life beyond the sexual harassment she's already dumping on you (and you're taking).

 

Cut off this sorry excuse for a woman. Seriously, just stop talking to her. She is disrespecting you by not respecting your repeated statement that you're not going to sleep with her. Why on earth are you still hanging out with her?? Do you really like the attention that much that you're willing to screw with her, lead her on, get her so fired up that maybe she does something really stupid (like call the police and say you raped her?)???

 

(As an aside... WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN THAT NO MEANS NO?! Gah!! Sorry, just ranting now.)

[franfran]

it being Christmas eve, I was rather drunk and stoned (oh come on, there HAS to be some occasional smokers out here!)

 

..... ......

 

 

 

In all seriousness, what this girl is doing is wrong. Telling your SISTER that she masturbates to you!? No one wants to know that * * * * ! If I was her best friend I wouldn't want to know about it! She doesn't know how to deal with rejection, so maybe you should be her first example of it.

[Umlunguusa]

Why on earth are you still hanging out with her?? Do you really like the attention that much that you're willing to screw with her, lead her on, get her so fired up that maybe she does something really stupid (like call the police and say you raped her?)???

 

(As an aside... WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN THAT NO MEANS NO?! Gah!! Sorry, just ranting now.)

 

Because she helped me through a hard breakup, and honestly...I can't just abandon her like that; she's helped me so much, I owe her one...just not sex.

 

But yeah, I don't understand why the advice is different for men than woman. people act like I should just sleep with her, because if I don't, it's my fault. I HATE THAT!

[definitely_maybe]

She says that it's because she never has been denied before, and that just makes her hornier and want me more,

 

Stand your ground.

[waveseer]

You know, if you keep on denying her she might fall in love with you. lol