I was doing so well...

[Takingoff]

So my ex and I have been in no contact for almost two weeks now. I told her that I couldn't see her anymore in platonic context, and she cut me out of her life and told me she was "relieved" and that I would not be hearing from her again.

Shortly before all of that, when we were talking about the relationship, she swore she was not ready to be in a relationship with ANYone any time soon. However, she recently posted a personals ad. She seems to be looking for a relationship all of a sudden.

Did she lie to me? I was doing so well until I found her ad and thought about her finding someone else. I know sooner or later she will because I am sure she won't contact me ever again. I know it's over, but this has brought some pain and anxiety out of the woodwork.

Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing?

[SighSob]

Been through all this * * * * , man. I feel you.

Just don't think about her and don't ask yourself questions YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW THE ANSWERS.

My ex told me the exact same thing, I'm not looking for someone else, I'm not ready for another relationship blah blah blah is she saying the truth? Maybe. MAYBE NOT.

Do we want to know? NO!!!!!!!

 

Think about something else, keep your mind busy, do stupid things, talk to friends, just don't OVERANALYZE her words....act like she doesn't exist anymore. That's what I (try to) do and it works.

[Takingoff]

Well, it hurts because she IS pretending that I don't exist. And she's apparently doing that quite successfully.

I still think about her every day and am stuck with all the pain. I'm so mad that she wouldn't be honest with me, and I'm mad that all the things she is looking for are things that I wanted to do with her and used to do with her until she pushed me away.

[SighSob]

We all are on the same boat, buddy. Ex's seem to be quite successful at pretending we don't exist while we think about them all day long...

But! - don't worry. As time goes by we will start to accept what happened and they will start to miss us: they will also start to question their decision. They will eventually come back crawling the day we have finally moved on from them. That's how life goes, my friend! If that makes you feel better, remember that even if right now our ex's seem to not think about us at all, they're just convincing themselves they made the right choice...but their conviction won't last forever...and they will experience the pain we are feeling right now sooner or later (as long as the relationship was not a horrible one!).

[Takingoff]

I don't know, man. I appreciate what you're saying, but I really think she has cut me out of her life. She refused to deal with her feelings. I tried so hard to get her to talk about what happened and how we could fix it, and she even admitted she still had feelings for me. She wouldn't confront those feelings then, and I don't think she ever will.

I really was trying to move on. I started trying to imagine life with someone else (whoever that someone else may be). I was just thinking about it less and generally feeling better. But now the thought of her just walking away, possibly lying to me when I poured my heart out to her, and finding someone else... this sucks.

[SighSob]

That's a possibility. She may or may not come back to you. But your chances are not gonna be improved by asking yourself those questions all day, or by wondering what she is thinking or doing. Just pretend she's gone forever. I myself am having troubles with these thoughts. I too wonder if my ex will move on like I don't exist anymore. If I am already "the past" for her. Thing is, if they keep thinking of us or start to miss us, they will tell us. If they don't, then the relationship wasn't meant to be. In any case, to keep on wondering what's going through their mind WON'T BE OF ANY HELP.

[fiffy]

Hey

 

I am in exactly the same position.

 

My ex has been all over internet sites since the day we broke up. He is obssessed with meeting girls off the internet and it tears me to shreads.

 

You just have to think most people need time to themselves and to heal after a relationship ends. Thats the healthy way to deal with it and to prepare for someone new. Those who are actively seeking it by placing ads are desperate for excitment, adoration, attention and someone to fill your role. They are selfish people who are actually more needy than us but they won't admit it thats why they behave how they do.

 

I have nothing against dating through ads but I think when you rush into it just after a relationship ends you really have to question the motifs of that person.

 

I hope sighsob is right about one day the exs coming crawling back. Mine has caused so much pain to me so I would love in the end for him to go through some of the emotions I have.

[Takingoff]

A friend of mine told me that it could just be her trying to keep the relationship off her mind. If she's looking for someone new, she never has to deal with the breakup. My friend told me that he has broken up with someone before and he was doing the same things--exploring any avenue to keep from thinking about that person. So maybe that's what is going on here.

But it could be she lost her feelings for me long ago, and it really doesn't matter to her anymore. The way her ad was worded made it sound like we never happened. Like she's been single for years. Like I never mattered. That's what hurts the most.

But I can't speculate about what she's thinking. It does me no good. It's just so hard to not think about her, and it's just been a long, painful experience.

I wish the best to all of you and to myself. This really sucks.

[SighSob]

Yeah man. At least you know you're not alone. We're all going through the same pain. Since when did they start wondering about the best way to dump us? Since when did they stop loving us? Since when have they started putting us into the past, and looking for someone else for their future? And most of all, do we really want to know? I know for sure I don't.

 

Whether they come back or they don't, whether they miss us or they don't, we have to think about ourselves. The weight of the decision is all theirs, and it will CRUSH them sooner or later. They're just pretending they made the right decision and try to live their life like there should be no reasons to question it, but sooner or later all the good memories of the relationship and all the good sides of us dumpees will prevail on the bad ones and they will find themselves sinking in the pain we are feeling now...I hope!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It is very common for the dumper to say they don't want a relationship right now, even if they already have someone else waiting! They are trying to soften the blow, and prevent a lot of the emotional drama that happens when the dumpee finds out they've already been replaced by someone else. Jealousy can hang on long after a relationship breaks up, and they want to avoid upsetting the dumper and dealing with jealousy or accusations.

 

So in her head she's thinking of it as a white lie to ease the transition out of the relationship. Doesn't make it right, but it was probably a misguided attempt to avoid upsetting you by telling you the truth that she is moving on, and quickly. Most dumpers think about leaving a long time before they actually do, so she is ready to move on, while you are still in shock.

[SighSob]

That's why most dumpers can be called cowards. The moment they start feeling something for another guy, and they are not so in love with you, they should find the guts to tell you and themselves. Instead they just wait till they are ready to move on with their life without you...yeah pretty nice of them, especially after you spent years together.

[Avathar]

Well, it hurts because she IS pretending that I don't exist. And she's apparently doing that quite successfully.

I still think about her every day and am stuck with all the pain. I'm so mad that she wouldn't be honest with me, and I'm mad that all the things she is looking for are things that I wanted to do with her and used to do with her until she pushed me away.

 

That will only work so long. My ex of almost 2 years broke it off with a new guy lined up. Her facebook statuses showed she seemed to be blistfully happy with this new guy until recently when she contacted me and we talked for an hour. We had not talked for over a month and I told her I was feeling better and moving on and working to improve myself. All of a sudden....for the past week she has been depressed and her sister who I am good friends with says that she is just down all the time and is seeing a therapist to help her become better.

 

She never took enough time to mourn our very meaningful relationship and finally it hit her. Another person as great as they may be can only cover it up for so long I believe. Eventually even if it is just to be friends she will realize that she wants to see you but yet she can't becuase you are now broken up and not supposed to talk to each other. If she felt it was special at all, she will not forget you. It will only become more painful after she has used the initial high of a new relationship to cover you up.