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My Fiance cheated on me

damage3907

By damage3907
in Relationship Advice

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damage3907 Apprentice

damage3907

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I was engaged to woman whom I was very deeply in Love with! I was gone for 8 months and at around the 5 month mark she left me! I have since found out that she had been cheating on me, all the while professing her undying love for me! I just returned home on Monday December 15th and was wondering if it would be a good idea to confront her on her extra curicular activities??? She is now seeing someone else, but I am still tore up over the whole ordeal! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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Luke Skywalker Mentor

Luke Skywalker

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First of all, you have to realize that there are lots of stories like this on the break-up and divorce sections and you are not alone. It's better that you lose her sooner rather than later.

 

What happened is your relationship turned into a long distance relationship and her interest level probably went down while you were away and some other guy may have captured her interest. I must have read several threads like this of people who had relationships, engagements, or marriages where it broke up that way. It seems like one of those 'long distance' things.

 

The way I see it, I don't think she was really that interested in you in the first place (relative to your high-interest) if she's going to cheat or go with another guy. If she broke it off with you, that means her interest is under 50%.

 

The 'bottom line factor' means you have to ignore her words and look at her actions to guage her interest level. The 'reality factor' says that you will either project your own interest level (which is 100%) on her and it will seem like she's 100% interested in you, even if that interest is 50%.

 

By my mathematical calculations, with her low interest level, anything that you do to her, like confronting her or anything, is just going to make you look like a rejected stalker and fill her ego. You have to show her that you are above that and just do not care. In other words, you will reach no objective with her because her interest level is too low for you to have any effect and she'll probably just laugh at you if you send a letter and maybe joke about it to her new boyfriend.

 

I recommend buying Doc Love's system, or looking into more dating materials that focus on relationships. I've bought into it myself and think that it helps me put things into perspective - such as how I reasoned the variables in your scenerio. It's not your fault her interest level went down, but there is nothing you can do to raise it back up because it's down too low for that to happen. Just forget about her and move on and be thankful you didn't have a costly divorce where she took half your assets.

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damage3907 Apprentice

damage3907

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She actually stopped writting me and stopped accepting my calls! When we were together she would bend over backwards to accomadate me and she was very attentive! She used to cry and tell me how much she missed me and she would brag about me to all of her friends! She has had a crush on me forever but I never was that interested in her, but when she finally came back into my life after several years of not seeing her, everything was magical and perfect! Or so it seemed! How could a woman be so into you and then just do a 180 like that? I can't figure it out!

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damage3907 Apprentice

damage3907

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I was very attentive to her! We talked often, wrote several times a week and she swore that she would wiat for me! She has a messed up history though and I think that has something to do with it! She has been divorced 3 times at 37 years of age! She has also been in a string of physically/emotionally abusive relationships! She was raped and had an abortion when she was 19 and I think that all of this maybe the residual effects of her traumatic past! She was very affectionette towards me though in the beginning and asked to please never hurt her! I never did! She lied a great deal too, but I loved her and tried to overlook it!

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Luke Skywalker Mentor

Luke Skywalker

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It seems like there is allot of red-flags with her. The fact is you had a long distance relationship with her, thus you didn't give her what she wanted because of your absense and she emotionally and then sexually bonded with another guy while you were gone. If she has that many red-flags then it doesn't seem like you lost anything anyway. What did you see in her to have dated her?

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damage3907 Apprentice

damage3907

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Do you think that a woman who has been through all in which she has is even capable of being in a healthy love relationship? With all that history plus her family life has never been very good either! Her mom was never really there for her growing up and she has always had to fend for herself! Maybe I did dodge a bullet, but it still hurts! I honestly do still Love her! Maybe I need help too??? lol...

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damage3907 Apprentice

damage3907

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Well I play music in a band and that is how I know her! She used to always come to all of our shows and one time we hooked up for just a night, but that was it! I wasn't feeling it, but she was very enamored by me! When we finally got together again several years later she said that she had always dreamt of being with me and we just hit it off great! She is very funny and very loving and affectionette, in spite of her treacherous past! She made me laughed and we had alot in common! My family loved her too and it all seemed to be perfect! I know I need to forget about her and move on, but that is easier said than done!

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