Is this normal

[looloolola]

I just wanted to know if it was normal to feel this way. My and my bf have broken up three times now. This is the third and I always feel guilt that if I was funnier, smarter, had a better personality, a better body, nicer hair that it wouldnt have happened. I have this bad habit of blaming my self for it all. The first two times he broke up with me kind of sporadically and his reasons were im not spontaneous enough or etc..,but he would come back about a month later, saying he didnt mean it and it was a mistake and he loved me. This last time it was because I felt that he put in barely any effort to see me or call me, so we got into an argument about it, I complained about his lack of effort and we havent spoken in 3 weeks. So I guess you could say this last break up was somewhat him dumping me. But anyways so I just feel the reasons he breaks up with me is my fault because I think if I was good enough he would have stayed with me. Is this normal?

[waveseer]

It sounds like he wants to let you go but is having a difficult time staying away.

[looloolola]

I dont know , I know everyone says if he doesnt come back I shouldnt care because of how many times he has broken up with me, but I am scared this third time is the final time.

[waveseer]

Why do you think you still want to be with him when he clearly has doubts about wanting to be with you?

[looloolola]

its hard, i just remember all the good times we have had, and I know atleast at one point he loved me a lot. I just always blame myself for him dumping me, most girls I know would say "screw him, his loss" but with me I just think if I was a good catch he wouldnt want to leave me.

[chipchuck02]

Never doubt yourself you are who you are, if there are things you truly think are wrong with who you are, take this time apart to work on yourself that is what i am doing at the moment to hopefully bring my girlfriend back, and if he comes back make sure there is a discussion on the reasons why you keep breaking up, best of luck to you. never think you are not good enough for someone if they don't come back there not good enough for you.

[waveseer]

You may have things to improve in yourself, but that is beside the point at the moment. Right now you are still investing yourself in a man who is no longer investing himself in you. In order to feel better you need to take care of yourself first and let him go.

[looloolola]

Thaknks so much for your response, I guess I feel that way because when he would dump me he would tell me "it is because YOU are not spontaneous, YOU are not this or that" but then he would still come back a month later. Idk its confusing, he would break up with me after every 3 or 4 months.

[kiwi24]

Sounds like to me this guys doesn't know what he wants and he just comes back when he wants to or maybe just out of sheer boredom? This has happened to me before and it can turn into a viscious cycle unless you end it. It unfair for you to blame yourself....every think maybe its not you its him??? Is it really better to be in a relationship where you dread that every other month you might break up or to be broken up and hurt for a bit and then find someone much better and much more stable? Trust me I know how you feel because I went through that for 2 years but my friend explained it me the same way. Yes its a difficult time right now but you're worth so much more than that!

[dreamwarrior]

Never doubt yourself because you think it will make someone like you or stop breaking up with you. If you have issues then you deal with them for YOU! Never change to suit someones profile on what they think you should be...total baloney.

 

If I do something then I do it for myself not because I want to do it for anyone. If someone don't like me then they can just keep walking down the road.

[waveseer]

You are right, it is confusing when people play with our emotions. If he cared about you he would make a final decision and stick with it. Most of us have fallen for this routine at one time or another, so you are in very good company. It's hard to accept that the person we like so much cares more about their own selfish desires than they do about our feelings, but it really sounds like that's what's happened to you.

[looloolola]

The last time we spoke was because I was complaining about his lack of effort to see me and how he barely called. I felt like towards the end I would call everyday and if i didnt I wouldnt hear from him, or I might have but just way late at night. I have a question if your partner complains about something like that would you basically say okay fine you dont like it leave. Because that is basically what he said to me, he told me hes sick of hearing me complain and if he treats me so bad then why am I still there? He basically said im sick of hearing it, then he said he had to go. We havent spoken since, and now I feel guilty for complaining so much and bothering him. Would another guy try to understand his girlfriend and change? Or was my complaining just an excuse for him to leave??

[waveseer]

He wanted to leave but he wanted to leave with a clear conscience so he blamed you. Yes, another guy would meet you halfway, care how you were feeling, and be willing to help resolve it.