Joel Barish Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Hello all, [HOPE THIS ISN'T A REPOST] I've been spying the forums the past couple weeks and this is my first post. I'm about 3 months into the break up. So there's a lot of background I could give but I'll save that for another time. One thing I did want to pass along. I've noticed that many have suggested, rightfully so, to not look @ your EX's Myspace, Facebook, etc. This is great rule and I find strength in being able to avoid it. I can do pretty good most of the time but I've had a few breakdowns, no doubt! It's hard. The differences between, and the implications of breaking up in the digital age versus the good ole days when all you had was one landline in the house seems like a topic I could expound on endlessly...but I digress. But this K9 WebProtection will help you if you have a problem with that. Its free and it works like any other internet filtering software. It's very user-friendly and works great. It will also record all your online activity, just so you know, although you can clear it out and no one except you can access it. Set it up however you like. You can make it as strict or lenient as you would like. Personally I've just blocked her Myspace and Facebook pages. At first I had the entire sites blocked. You can put in keywords to block like "myspace" and any URL with "myspace" in it will not load. But if you still want to look @ those sites, the better thing to do is to make the keyword your EX's profile ID # which you'll have to get by clicking on their page one more time. I suggest holding a newspaper or something in front of your monitor while you copy their ID number from the address bar. I know that's a little pathetic,...but hey, we'll do what we gotta do... Using the ID # as a filter should block any other associated pages, like pictures, albums, blogs, etc. Of course you can always override that with your password, so make your password some random sequence of symbols, numbers, uppercase/lowercase letters that you can't memorize (DON'T MEMORIZE IT--ex: &G#!~~YuR^1yT60...), so you can't just easily give in. Keep your password written down somewhere safe, so if you do need to change anything you can. But don't give in! Just knowing the filter is there and the hassle to unblock things will remind you to stay strong and why you're doing this in the first place. Let's not torture ourselves anymore. Also, make sure you to disable all the other filtering options so you can still see everything else you normally would. Make sure to uncheck "Force safesearch" under 'Advanced' options as well, or it will filter some of your Google results as well. (You know when you're looking for porn) Hope this helps someone. I wish all of you the best. Remember, this stuff happens to everyone. It happens every day. Love and heartbreak are just parts of life, you never know how its going to work out. It hurts awfully bad. But we will overcome, and brighter days will be here soon enough if you work at it and be strong! These people will always be some small part of us, but there was life before So and So, and there is life afterwards. Hope to post more soon but this is all for now. Merry Christmas! EDIT: Eh, sorry I couldn't post a URL?? Anyway just Google K9 Web Protection and it should get you where you need to go. Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 25, 2008 Author Share Posted December 25, 2008 Sorry if this came off as me schilling for K9 Webprotection... Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 Well...my EX and I are still friends. Both in the literal and Facebook sense. So her pic will still pop up in mutual friends, etc. But I have taken her out of my feed. So all I really ever have to see is her profile pic...just waiting for the day its her and some other guy... But with that software, even if I click on her pic or search for her, I can't see the profile. I broke down about once every week or two before I started using that, but like I said, just having it in place reminds you that you need to stay away... So I haven't given a single looksie for a month or so now... Link to comment
SighSob Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 I know my ex's facebook password...and I can't ask her to change it...otherwise she'd suspect me of me spying on her...so I have to fight with myself everyday...that sucks. Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 Oh yeah, I would love to go back before all this stuff, b/c my EX is the MUTHERF***ING FACEBOOK QUEEN. You would not believe. She's a picture taker from hell. Has said she wants everyone to believe she has a "fabulous life"... Last time I looked she had 60+ albums, most filled to the brim. So she is documenting all her new hangout buddies, going out drinking, etc for everyone to see, of course. So yeah, its actually pretty painful to look. I am very glad I haven't seen anything lately. Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 I know my ex's facebook password...and I can't ask her to change it...otherwise she'd suspect me of me spying on her...so I have to fight with myself everyday...that sucks. I as well...I actually still know my only other SO's password as well! Why do these people trust me?!! I'm such a NAZI with my own passwords. Yeah, I actually made the mistake of logging on under her name one time. This was right after the breakup and I immediately made the ethical decision to not do that anymore. And honestly at this point, I'm pretty scared of what I would find and don't really want to know... Link to comment
SighSob Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Heheheh same here, after the breakup I logged under her name with the hope of seeing something comforting...I was so wrong. What we don't know can't hurt us...so let's keep not knowing. Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 yeah im seriously considering closing my account to be honest.. its been a nightmare... Not that this should be about "winning" or "losing" but I would feel like the EX got the best of me if I went and deleted the account. So I have shied away from that--although obviously I've been trying everything else since I ended up with filtering software! Plus I still want to be on there to connect to my other friends, and new friends. You never know if your next date might be facilitated through facebook... While it has its drawbacks, it can have advantages too. Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 Heheheh same here, after the breakup I logged under her name with the hope of seeing something comforting...I was so wrong. What we don't know can't hurt us...so let's keep not knowing. Word up. It's for the best. Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 Mine leaves all her internet profiles open for EVERYONE to view! So I'll always be able to go look if I want to! Link to comment
SighSob Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 Mine leaves all her internet profiles open for EVERYONE to view! So I'll always be able to go look if I want to! hahahah that sucks man...hang on!! Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted December 27, 2008 Author Share Posted December 27, 2008 Oh, the joys of Facebook! My ex's current g/f contacted me via FB wanting me to reassure her that he's not messing around with me. Quality line she used is "I'm asking you woman to woman..." - to me all that yells is 'don't tell him I've messaged youuuuuuu'. And yeah, I know my ex's password too, er, and his hotmail one as I set it up for him, plus his work one. Makes no difference to me as I've never logged into his accounts, got no need or want. Nice. I would love to get that message... I wouldn't ever log on again. Not very honest, and I wouldn't want anyone spying mine...wouldn't be surprised if its been changed now, though I'll never know... Usually, if you know one password, you know em all right? Link to comment
Gaitanista Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Joel...........thank you so much. Link to comment
Alstott Fan Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 This is very good advice. Please believe me when I tell you that digging up all the dirt you can will NOT help. At all. Trust me on this one. All the dirty little secrets will come out given time, and you'll most likely be better equipped to deal with that down the road after the healing process has started. When you're fresh out of a breakup your an open wound. If you dig and dig you're tearing the scab off and never letting it heal. With an amazing amount of self restraint, a little luck and thinking of it that way you should be good to go. Link to comment
Joel Barish Posted August 9, 2010 Author Share Posted August 9, 2010 Just wanted to update. Coming up on two years since my break up and I'm doing great. We tried to rekindle things last summer (09) but of course, it didn't work the second time either. Let this be another lesson. Let exes stay in the past. It didn't work for a reason. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but try to look forward and not backward. I am so much happier now that I have gotten out of a bad relationship. A relationship I wasn't happy in. Give it time people. When I made this thread I was about 3 months in, and at that point its still very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I imagine I'm not the only one who was trolling these forums in late 2008 that is doing much better now. I'm sure some of you have just happened upon these forums, and just remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Keep a close group of friends, stay busy, get fit, and try to maintain some perspective. You will be fine. We'll all be fine. I'm currently single, but I date regularly. Not really looking to settle back down right now. Just enjoying life. And I hope all of you are too. Link to comment
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