Falling apart on Christmas day

[john4321]

wow this really sucks, i know i have come a very long way, fixed myself after the breakup, found my way again. have found peace in my life, and even though i still love her and would love a second chance, know no matter what i will be ok.

 

but today is very hard. i miss her so much today. it is funny neither of us put up any decorations or anything for the holiday. we both say it is too much a reminder of us, so we do not do it. the hurt of not being together still does not allow us to do the simple little things, and it has been 2 years. and i know i may never get my chance with her again, and yes i have to move on, i know all of that. but you cannot just forget over 20 years together. she is wonderful, beautiful, everything i ever wanted in a women, and i have to live without her.

 

the good news i hold onto, is the sickness that overcame me that caused are split, has been fixed. it took so much work, so much time, and help from therapy, friends and God.and also her help, she was the final piece that helped me get healed. so i will hold onto that today, knowing i am better and have my life back, i have myself back, and that is a great gift. just hard to be alone today.

 

Then we'd go running on faith

All of our dreams would come true

And our world will be right

When love comes over me and you

When love comes over you

 

From Eric Clapton

 

keep the faith everybody

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Hang in there. It is really sad that this day is a day of extremes....happiness for those who have loving families and significant others with whom they can share this day...and intense sadness for those who have nobody or are dealing with the loss of their partner. You will get through this day. Hang in there.

[NewPhillyGuy]

John, I'm sorry for what you are going through, and I hope better times are close to you.

[John Bendix]

John,

 

Have read some of your posts and I understand where you are coming from.

 

Forgetting is not something that I aspire to. Those memories are there but they are just images. Images that you can call up from your memory banks and I see no problem with that. The problem comes in when we call these up not as images but as a part of us. Viewing them as a part of our identity. In doing so, we can ellicit emotional responses to these images as if they were happening right now.

 

The mind, through our ego, does not differeniate between what is real and images and creates the exact same emotional reaction. Calling up those images, for they did happen, with the perception that they are only images and not real or a part of us, lessens any negative reaction to them.

[john4321]

thanks for that, and it is hard not to have the emotion with them. and sometimes no matter what it is just hard to be alone. i really need to learn to forgive myself, that is what i am working on. maybe that will make it a little better, thanks for your reply