Cutting off loser friends ?

[CaptainPlanet]

I've got some friends that I really don't like at all. For many reasons I am at the stage where I think I need to make an effort to start making new friends. You get to the point where you need to accept that some people are just bad.

 

Has anyone else been at the point of making an entirely new set of friends ? Especially at 25 years of age I am at the stage where I really have started asking why I hang around with these people.

 

There are maybe two or three people I know that I actually fully like. Most others annoy me in some way. People who have had pretty easy lives who still like to complain... I mean, if you want to complain find a website or a therapist. (haha)

 

I dunno if anyone else has felt this way. I've been mates with these guys for years but I really feel like most of them are total losers and that I NEED to make new friends.

 

Dunno hiow though.

[Sn0man]

I felt the same way, and cut pretty much all my old friends out of my life. They were total losers and not doing me any favors - they were all into coke and partying all the time, I just got so sick of it.

 

As for making new friends, well, i'm still working on that - it isn't easy to make new friends, but it's hella easy to get away from the bad ones.

 

Truth be told, once I stopped the partying, I feel so much better. I still have a couple of other friends that I talk to, but not many, and I actually like it that way...not being pressured into doing anything I don't want to be out doing - just enjoying some quality me time.

[Anonymous122]

Yah, I certainly have some friends that are like this.

 

One is a fireplace mason that has dropped out of college twice and currently makes $7.25/hr. I have very little respect for him because he is married with two children and can't seem to put his family's well being over his petty desires and inconveniences. All he seems to want to do is play video games and smoke marijuana. He used to be my best friend, now I try and keep my distance as much as I can.

 

Another finished a two year degree in college and was offered a lucrative contract job. Unfortunately, that contract job required military experience that he was unwilling to spend 2 years of his life obtaining. The contract job he was offered was basically a police officer job with some kind of federal agency, but the real incentive was that it was a straight $60,000/yr. Now he spends his time working a $9.00/hr job and complaining about how much his life sucks. During the times that he's not working a dead end job or complaining about life circumstances that he brought upon himself, he too enjoys smoking marijuana. Unfortunately, he's one of my roommates, but our level of interaction has decreased to almost nothing.

 

The third one was a recon specialist in the Army. After going through a year and a half of training, he was deployed and he chickened out. He was in one firefight, just one, and he cited post traumatic stress disorder as a reason to be transfered into a different department. The Army made him a chef. All he did all day was mass cook meat and soup, and even that was too much for him. He faked a back problem in order to get a medical discharge. I would have assumed that he wasn't faking it if he hadn't outright told me that he faked the whole thing. Now, he sits on disability, collecting taxpayer money to fund recovery from a false injury. Karma has already set in with this one though. His wife divorced him over the situation, citing that she didn't want to be married to a coward who couldn't provide for his family. Did I mention that he has three children?

 

These three people are all friends of mine from high school. They are respectively 23, 22, and 22 years of age. I find it shocking sometimes exactly how many people in this world have little to no value to society. Overall, I think it's normal to feel how you're feeling. People outgrow friends just like they outgrow an old pair of jeans. As your life circumstances change, so too will your friends.

[HighwayStar]

I like how you rate your friends based on their job/income. -_-

[Anonymous122]

I like how you rate your friends based on their job/income. -_-

 

I do in some ways.

 

If you have a family, you should be doing whatever you have to, to secure a high paying job. Your wants and desires have to come second to the obligations that you brought upon yourself by reproducing.

[CaptainPlanet]

I like how you rate your friends based on their job/income. -_-

 

I'm a bit of a loser myself, But atleast I have made some sort linear progression upwards. Small though it may be.

 

This isn't about money. I don't require people to wealthy and successful so long as they work hard and try to improve. Most of my friends have never struggled... I just don't feel that we relate. Not that I have struggled a lot compared to most of you, but I've had a lot of bad breaks and have worked pretty crummy jobs for most of my life. I want to break out and be someone important. My Mates don't seem to understand that. Some do but most just don't seem to get it.

 

I was about to get into that I don't rate them that way. Most of them are more successful than me. What annoys me is their stagnation in life. They've got parents who babied them and put them into degree's and into jobs, they got no real passion and never worked hard for anything.

 

I'm really the loser of the group. But Ive got ambition. I really want to make something of my life. I'm going to work full time and study if I can I want to open my own business one day. I want to meet new and interesting people. My mates just seem to want to sit and drink beer all the time. One has become a b it of narcissist which I don't like.

 

They're still my friends but I just feel like I don't like any of them anymore. Not like I'm going to tell them to leave me alone or anything, everything is cool but I just don't like many of them anymore.

[ladylol1234]

What's going on with your friends? What do you mean they are bad people?

[CaptainPlanet]

What's going on with your friends? What do you mean they are bad people?

 

Nothing really is going on. I'm just getting a little bit sick of them. Wondering if anyone else has felt a similar way.

[Siriana]

There are maybe two or three people I know that I actually fully like.

 

 

And thats more than enough.

Yeah, after you get little bit older you become more picky on people you hang around with.

[saltandvinegar]

It doesnt matter old you are, you can always have loser friends.

 

im 39. Had one friend, used to call her my best friend. For 19 years. For about the last 2 years of the friendship, she would call me up, often late, and not even ask how i was, barely even say hello- and just launch into a tirade about some crap going on at school (a teacher)... Always these energy sapping conversations that left me exhausted and unable to get to sleep.

 

She was a virgin (37)and hated being single, and whinged and whinged about it. oh so draining.

 

Another one, well this one, she was supposed to be a good friend she was a social worker, and yet when my mother died she didnt even send a card, didnt do anything. In theory she was a social worker, and somehow got a job being one, but honestly she was so naive about life, . it drove me nuts.

[Imprecision]

If there's one thing which repeatedly surprises me on this website, it's how little people value friendship.

 

Not a topic I want to argue over - I guess different people are brought up with different values.

[Casey13]

I've done a similar thing in my mid-twenties where I was forced to cut off certain friends for my own good. For me, I kept two friends that were really close to me and had a good influence on my life while I probably cut off about 10 other ones. It's tough at first but it got me to where I want to be now. Had I still been mingling in that circle I would probably be working at a drive-thru flipping burgers and drinking till 3am in the morning every night and by creating a better circle of friends for myself I am now a financial planner, making good coin, own my own car and home and living the life I want to live. Most of them are unemployed. Change is good!!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

People grow and change (or they stagnate). sometimes you grow in the same direction and sometimes you don't.

 

So hang onto those 2 or 3 that you really like and still have something in common with, and taper out of your life those who drag you down or bore you.

 

I've always found that true friends you will never let go... you try to be an asset to one another, and though you may go thru bad times or problems, you still want to know how they are doing and keep in touch with them.

 

So gradually wean away from those whom you don't like, and make an effort to keep seeing the 2 or 3 you do, while you bring new friends into your personal circle.

[hmdreamer7]

You get to the point where you need to accept that some people are just bad.

 

Maybe they're only bad because they pull you down... or maybe they are really truly bad people! I don't personally know. But I agree that you should accept that some friends are no longer good for your life.

 

As we get older we start to come into our own, and just like you are starting to form the life that you want, you also know/get closer to knowing what you want out of a relationship, including friendships. There's nothing wrong with being picky, you just know what you want out of life! And you will be happier with friends whose personalities and values, etc. are similar to yours. I say spend more time with the friends whose company you enjoy, and spend less time with those you don't.

[CaptainPlanet]

Your coming off as a bit of "oh poor me" and very unstable, (1) You seem to have a attitude of I'm so much better than everyone else tbh at the moment.

 

 

 

(2) How have you? Describe it?

 

 

 

How do you really know? I feel your assuming to much, you sound like the sort of person that people would honestly hold back from actually revealing themselves to.

 

 

 

Like what? What crummy Jobs? What Bad breaks?

 

 

 

What if they have really put up with you? Did you ever think of that? So now that you have got your act together your going to abandoned people who stuck by you through the good and the bad?

 

1) "oh poor me" Pretty much. I do not think my life has been very good compared to the people around me. I am not unstable.

 

2) You cut out pieces of my writing. I have suffered relatively. Not compared to a lot of people. That does not matter because we are not discussing them.

If we follow that line of logic then no one should ever be unhappy because there would always be someone worse off. Noble, but unrealistic because people will always feel sad when they are relatively worse off than those around them. Good, bad, happy, sad are all descriptive words and need to have a context or they're meaningless.

 

I've worked a lot of low income jobs. Bad jobs, like graveyard shifts, manual labor and retail sales. I come from a violent and abusive family. I had social problems in high school. I had a bad high school experience. I was bullied in primary school and in high school before I started to get physically strong. Girls have only been a case of rejection and disappointment. I tried to do better but could never get a break. Always rejected when I applied for better jobs and to get into Police force, Air force ect.. I apply for heaps of jobs over the years and can never get considered for anything other than customer service and basic laboring or call center. Very disheartening.

 

Study was interrupted by having to leave home because of all the fighting.

After many years of everything always going wrong and never working out you start to think differently. Things get to you and instead of optimism and persistence I let out a heavy sigh. Some smart people who know me have said ' I think you are just unlucky' and I believe it. I found it very hard to not have any money and to watch everything go wrong while being around people who have a pretty good life. I don't think some of my friends have the capacity to understand that. Not because they're wealthier than me. They're spoiled and oblivious. One is a powder puff socialist. So full of hot air. He has no idea what it is like to work hard for a living. His Dad was a lawyer and his mum a teacher... he had a fully funded university degree and became a teacher. He keeps getting fired because he does not like to work. Then that is the fault of the system or the old people who are entrenched in the system... I feel like telling him to shut up. It is teaching, not investment banking, there is no cartel of math teachers... I feel like telling him to go work at a warehouse for a year for $14 an hour then decide how unfair teaching is.

 

Little things. Like when you drive around in your beat up old car about to fall apart, to the other side of the city for your award wage job and you see someone in a nice car with a pretty girl in the passenger side. You say to yourself what can I do to be just like him ? You think you need to work hard. You work hard but nothing you do seems to work. You get disheartened. When girls say to you that there is 'no spark' it builds. Always seeing the girl you like go off with someone else. Spending every day working a pointless job and never making use of your intelligence or even having some sort of meaning. The sadness builds up. Lots of little things too. That people take for granted.

 

You know I walked into a red rooster today and saw the recruitment poster. What do I see but several young smiling faces. 'This is the place for young people to work' I ask myself is this the legacy our society has left for its young people ? What a tragic waste. No skills or value creation. But fast food.

 

I don't know if I think I am better than other people or if I come accross that way. I don't think that it matters. I don't think I am good. I have made a lot of mistakes. I want to be a better person. My mates seem to want to drink beer and do nothing else. I don't relate to them as I used to and they're starting to anger me. Maybe I am supposed to have few friends. Didn't exactly have the most stable childhood and I have few strong relationships.I spoke to my Dad and he did say that I am lucky I have so many friends. But I don't know if I am.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

I think a lot of people are aiming towards this as their New Year's Resolution.

 

I too am cutting loose ties in 2009. I did it in 2001 with a group of "friends" at the age of 19, as they were changing and, me not one to follow the crowd, I was given the ultimatum of join us or leave. I left. Hurt for a few lonely months but you quickly recover.

 

Now in 2009 as I approach 27 I am preparing to do the same again. I asked my friend an colleague, Jim, who is 20 years older than me what his resolution was going to be and he put it perfectly;

 

"Cutting out the dead wood!"

 

Some people just take, take, take and never give anything back. I don't think they are necessarily 'bad' people, more inconsiderate and thoughtless, but never-the-less everyone should be treated the way they treat others.

 

It takes all different types of people to create the world I suppose.