boyfriend uses withdrawal

[pegasushymn]

i've been together with my boyfriend who's 2 years older for over a month, and he's my first. and recently i lost it to him. i wasn't ready for it at all but he said he wanted to know that i'm willing to give him anything unconditionally or something along the lines of that.. i really love him so i agreed after being pressured so many times. it's like he would get hard even when we hug or lie down together and he kept telling me "i want it..." "i want you so badly". he claimed to be a virgin and i believe him but what makes me insecure is how experienced he seems to be.

 

and when we first tried to do it it hurt so much i felt like crying and it took us 3 or 4 times before it finally penetrated and we've done it thrice but it still hurts when entering now.

 

initially i was afraid of pregnancy cos he refuses to use a condom(he says it's oily & disgusting). i felt it was selfish of him cos i'm only 17 and no way will i want to deal with a child. he says if he pulls out before he cums i won't get pregnant but i've heard that this method is unreliable. i told him that but he just says "i don't trust him".. sigh. i thought of using the pill but i've heard of terrible side effects and hormonal changes that will lead to mood swings. i'm pretty emotional already and i don't want to get worse.. does anyone know if this is true? about both the pill and the withdrawal method?

 

ever since we started dating i couldn't focus on my studies at all and in class i'll just daydream. last night(christmas eve) we went for dinner with his friends and wanted to go clubbing but cos i'm below the legal age of 18 i got stopped at the door. sigh, really sucks. and what saddens me is that he didn't even offer to send me home. i was taking a cab back and if he offered i wouldn't have made him cos i really don't want to make him miss the countdown party. but he didn't even ask.. and although he msged me after i left him, for the rest of the night he didn't reply my text while he was partying until 7am.

 

sorry this is such a long boring post. i just feel really insecure nowadays although i never tell him directly and i can't tell my friends cos they don't know our intimacy level.

[Sn0man]

Hate to say it, but your bf sounds very sleazy. Make sure he uses a condom, whether he likes it or not - if you don't want a crying little baby in 9 months, you'd better get him under 'wraps' now.

 

His pressuring you is also very sleazy.

 

Watch yourself with this guy, I know his type and they anger me to no end.

[ButterflyWrists]

he is taking advantage of you. i would stop having sex, and if he thinks you dont love him because u dont want to have sex then he will leave, and proove he is only after that, if he cares then he will stay.

[Firiel]

You shouldn't be with someone who is pressuring you into sex. Anyone who doesn't care enough about if you are ready or not to let you wait doesn't care enough about you to deserve you.

 

Second, if you do stay with him and continue having sex (which I would advise against), insist on using condoms. You are seventeen. You don't need a baby at this point in your life which is what could easily happen. He doesn't take care of you, as can be seen because of his actions at the countdown party. What makes you think he'd care for a baby? He'd be out the door in a second.

 

Drop this guy. You sound like a very caring girl. You deserve a guy that is the same.

[redhearts]

he is taking advantage of you. i would stop having sex, and if he thinks you dont love him because u dont want to have sex then he will leave, and proove he is only after that, if he cares then he will stay.

 

The golden rule: If a guy really cares for you he will wait and won't pressure you. & he won't be upset over it.

 

I agree with BW. & FYI only after a month? GEE. This guy is hard core using you though. I mean no condom? So he says he is a virgin, but doesn't like to use them because they are all oily? So he has experience with em? HAHAHA! LIAR! So imagine how many people he has slept with and eww you should go get tested. Are you kidding me? Your having unprotected sex?

 

But don't use sex as a tool to tree to see what he is after. Really its quite obvious DUMP HIM.

 

when we hug or lie down together and he kept telling me "i want it..." "i want you so badly". he claimed to be a virgin

 

Horny pig who only wants sex. DISGUSTING.

[CreoUCLA]

Find the self confidence within you to be with someone that treats you with respect.

 

I was with my ex-gf before she was 21 (I was already 23). Towards the beginning of our relationship we went out with some friends and they went into a bar... So my girlfriend and I went to a movie instead.

 

-Mike-

[CaptainPlanet]

Hey there,

 

You sound like a very smart and mature young lady. I don't think you should be sad or angry you have good boyfriend. I don't think people need to attack him either as they have in this thread. He is just doing what boys do. You need to understand that is just how men work at that age of life. We will say a lot of things and almost anything because we really like girls. We want to have sex with them and there is nothing wrong with that. Sex is very normal healthy adult activity. But you do need to look after yourself.

 

If you are going to do it you need to be more assertive about how you handle things. You could get pregnant if he does not use a condom and you are right that could cause a lot more problems.

 

. i really love him so i agreed after being pressured so many times.

 

Which is a lot better than how most women lose it. You do need to protect yourself though because no matter what he says if you get pregnant it will mostly be your problem and not his. He can walk away from the situation and likely wouldn't have to pay you any support. If he says that he won't do it without some form of birth control or a condom you need to say there is no more sex. If he leaves you, then that is what he has to do. Not your choice.

 

Sex is an adult thing and if you want to have sex you need to act like and adult which means you need to firmly put your foot down and tell him no unless there is birth control or protection. I wouldn't normally enter into a thread like this because it is a woman's issue but I do not like the way posters have attacked your boyfriend. Is not constructive to attack him, because it places blame, and thereforee responsibility. This is something you personally need to be responsible for. You made the decision to be an adult so now you have to act like one.

[Taomagicdragon]

Pressure for sex: Check

Lying (He likely is not a virgin with his moves): Check

Lack of caring for your circumstances: Check

Holds all the power: Check

Lies about the odds of pregnancy: Check

Selfish: Check

 

Need I continue? Kick him to the proverbial curb and find someone worth your time, the greatest gift to give yourself is self-respect and peace of mind, neither of which are possible in this relationship.

[Taomagicdragon]

She was naive but he was calculating, he deserves the blame rightfully placed on him. She should learn from this, and likely will. She needs to grow wiser, he needs to grow up.

[Puckdog27]

I am 38, my gf is 33. Neither of us were virgins, but when we met she was having some sorta just out of her last relationship and was dealing with emotional issues and just wasnt ready for intimacy with me. I didnt pressure her, I liked her and wanted to be with her SO I WAITED until she was ready. Thats what a man that cares about you will do. Sex is for both of you to enjoy, and it doesnt sound like you are enjoying it much so I would suggest no longer having it with him.

 

And if he would rather no sex at all than sex with a condom, then let him have no sex at all.

[CharlesF]

If I went somewhere with my girlfriend and she could not get in, I would go somewhere else. Leaving her alone or even calling a cab would not be an option. I think this guy does not care for you at all.

 

Here is my suggestion. Write on a piece of paper "I'm leaving you". Then, put it in a small box and wrap the box in Christmas paper. Then give him this today and let us know his reaction. If it is too late for this, break up with him on New Years eve.

[Taomagicdragon]

No need to be vindictive about it by waiting for a certain day or a certain way, just break it off.

[agent1607307371]

Look, he pressured you into sex, doesn't care if he gets you pregnant or gives you a disease and he left you alone to go partying instead of a) offering to do somehting else or b) making sure you got home safely.

 

He's gross, you deserve someone with respect for you and your body.

[Batya33]

The name for people who use the pull out method: Parents.

 

Big deal he gets hard when you hug - so, you mean, if a woman gets turned on by hugging then she is owed sex by the guy and if he doesn't give it to her he doesn't care for her "unconditionally?" Ask him if he will care for you unconditionally when you get pregnant and whether he would prefer an "oily' condom or a dirty diaper.

 

Dump him, I agree, before it's too late.

[KG]

He's getting laid by you, partying with his friends, and feels no responsibility about getting you pregnant....a real loser.

R U N A W A Y F A S T !

[cyberdog]

First of all I agree with the others that if he really cared he would not pressure. Also, definitely do not depend on withdrawal as you will very likely get pregnant and then have another choice to make. Keep it and raise it (likely without any help from him), keep it and give it up, or don't keep it (abort), all of which can be very difficult and emotional decisions. At 17, are you really prepared to make such a decision?

 

That being the case, understand that everyone has certain limits to which they are willing to wait for the things they want out of relationship. Some people consider physical intimacy to be very important and may not be willing to wait too long, but this doesn't mean that they don't care about you, just that there are compatibility differences. Also take for instance a woman who wants to marry and she has been with a man for a really long time, and insists on marriage or she will leave. Does she not 'care' for her man just because certain wants or needs are not being met? Also, though it is usually not the case, there are rare occurrences were a person can be a virgin an be decent and maybe even great in the sack.

 

On an interesting note you will see that many people's opinions will vary. Some will consider a person not to care if they are pressuring. But if you check another thread people are talking about how waiting until marriage would be a turn off and they would not do it. Wouldn't it be a form of pressure if you are dating a person for a month and find out they want to wait till marriage and you don't and you talk about calling it off due to these differences?

[Batya33]

It's fine to want sex - and understandable - and it's understandable that a couple might not be compatible as far as how long each is willing to or wants to wait before having sex, - but it's not fine to go about it the way this guy is. In fact, less than "not fine."

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You are giving him sex because you want him to love you, and he is giving you a very (uncommitted) date or two because he wants to have sex.

 

Everything he has said/done so far here looks like he is showing you how selfish he is. His decisions are being made to maximum his pleasure, with no real concern for the effects of his decisions on you or your life.

 

PLEASE don't use only withdrawal as your birth control, or you'll likely be pregnant within a few months to a year. You must either take birth control on your own, of convince him to use a condom.

 

I think he is taking advantage of you, and you need to protect your heart (and body) here. If you get pregnant he might be willing to help pay for an abortion, but don't count on him for anything else or expect him to marry you.

[kenshinkitten]

This guy sounds like the complete opposite of what is right for you.

You don't have sex with someone just to get them off your back, and you certainly shouldn't give into pressure especially on that.

This dude is an idiot.

Dump him. Find someone new who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

[CrazyKing]

You may already be pregnant...

The possibility's high...

 

Dump him...

[shadesofmediocrity]

Drop this boy like he's hot. Ugh.

You seem to know that he's manipulating you, and he definitely is. It's hard, but necessary - your well-being is important, and he's jeopardizing it...emotionally and physically.

[secretness87]

Uhhh yeah.. use a condom!! If he refuses, then get up and leave lol. And be strict on that. Even though he didn't use a condom the first time, he might've had pre-cum which could've gone inside you..and that could've made you pregnant as well. It's always good to be safe. Even when my boyfriend uses a condom, I still make him pull out before he cums just to be a bit more safer since I'm not on the pill so yeah... I agree with whoever said it before, your boyfriend does sound very sleazy! Just be safe!!! Use condoms!!

[Kalika]

OP -

 

I would seriously heed the advice that you are getting here.

 

Your gut is already telling you something about him. Otherwise you would have stuck to your original birth control question and you wouldn't have added the story about how he ditched you that night and didn't even bother checking up on you. Somewhere in your heart, you know this guy is poop.

 

If you were pregnant, do you honestly believe he would be there for you? I haven't even met the guy and just from what you're telling us, I firmly believe your craphead boyfriend would be gone in less than one minute flat. And yes, I did just call him a craphead.

 

You need to "grow a pair". Do not have sex with him anymore. He is not worth the rest of your life. Believe me - I had to learn the hard way.

 

P.S. There is TONS of information about birth control on the web. You don't need ENA to find out about birth control. That being said, the pill is good and reliable. Get yourself on birth control, keep using condoms also, and stop dating losers.

[striker_dude]

Most of the responses on this thread are about the sex. Very little talk is about him leaving you at the door of the restaurant to take a cab home.

 

Yes the sex part is bad enough, but lots of young guys do the same thing. Doesn't make it right, it makes it irresponsible, but the part about him leaving you at the door to go home alone is completely disrespectful and shows that he just doesn't care about you as a person. Now add THAT to the unprotected sex and you got yourself a winner here.

[lonely rose]

I know it's hard for you to leave him cause he was your first and you care about him but ask yourself is this the kind of boyfriend that you want, the kind of guy that you deserve to be with???

I would not have unprotected sex with someone that I've known for a month...You never know how many partners he had before he met you. As to the pull out method, I know it works for many people, but still there is a high risk of you getting pregnant, and I would not rely on it especially if I were your age.