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Living with my ex...


iwalas

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I live in Chicago with my ex. We dated for a year and then moved in together a little over a year ago. Things went South over the summer, and now we're stuck living together and sharing a lease.

 

Sometimes she's nice and it feels like there is still potential to save the relationship...other times she's mean, even if unprovoked (at least, i don't think i provoke her...i generally avoid her as much as possible).

 

I need some advice (from ladies if possible). is her fluctating attitude a reflection of her feelings towards me? since we stopped kissing/being intimate almost 6 months ago there have been no "accidents". just trying to understand her because i often don't "get" her moods.

 

most importantly, i've told her that i don't often understand her but the reactions i get continue to baffle me.

 

thanks for your help

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For one, since you are broken up and stuck living together, try to see her as a room mate and not an ex until your lease is up and you can move out. Undoubtedly those fluctuations are a result of her feelings for you, but what those feelings are exactly is up to interpretation...

 

What does she say when you tell her you don't understand her 'hot and cold' behavior?

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replying to first 2 responses:

 

Sn0man: i try to view her only as a roommate, but her good moods stir up the old feelings. when i've tried to openly communicate about her changing moods, i usually get a roll of the eyes and a "whatever"...we've lived together as a not-couple for almost six months...i'm not sure if i can make it six more like this

 

lady00: lease is through july 09...can't sublet because its a 1BR..neither of us can afford the full lease alone

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replying to first 2 responses:

 

Sn0man: i try to view her only as a roommate, but her good moods stir up the old feelings. when i've tried to openly communicate about her changing moods, i usually get a roll of the eyes and a "whatever"...we've lived together as a not-couple for almost six months...i'm not sure if i can make it six more like this

 

lady00: lease is through july 09...can't sublet because its a 1BR..neither of us can afford the full lease alone

Ahh - that is what my original question was going to be but wanted a bit more info before I said it.

 

Originally, I was going to ask that when her good moods came areound, if you used that opportunity to try to reconcile. Which would put her back into her bad mood - and so on and so forth.

 

Next time she gets into her good mood, just let her be and don't try to rekindle the flame. You never know, maybe by not trying to rekindle it - she will.

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Lesson to be learned: When moving in with someone only get a 6 month or month to month lease. LOL

 

Lol, redhearts, indeed. I learned my lesson after my break-up. I'm not moving in with some one again unless I have a commitment and something sparkly on my finger

 

iwalas, I'm sorry to have to still be in this situation. Any chance you could crash with a friend, perhaps? While I realize July is far away, I found my friends willing to open a couch for me when I had a few weeks in between my break-up and moving into my new place. Perhaps you can at least couch hop every once in awhile to get away from your place every once in a while.

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Lesson to be learned: When moving in with someone only get a 6 month or month to month lease. LOL

 

Six-month and/or month-to-month leases in Chicago are hard to come by and typically cost more than a standard 12/13 month lease...I never saw one remotely close to what we pay.

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Lesson 1: never move in with someone unless your married

Lesson 2: never everrrrrrrrrrrrrrr share a bank account

 

Well....I will NEVER marry someone unless i've lived with them first. People will act differently when they LIVE somewhere as opposed to just regularly spending the night. Certain habits are not permisable in my book and would negate any possibility of ever getting married (a.k.a. deal-breakers).

 

She brought up sharing a bank account when we moved in together, but fortunately i was smart enough to shoot that down in the moment. she was pissed for a while, but she eventually got over it and it never came up again. The good news is, that had nothing to do with our eventual breakup.

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