Dull personality? Monotone voice?

[dapar321]

I dont know what it is. I feel like I just don't attract girls. Am I ugly? I am shy, so i talk quietly, and my voice is always monotone. I think about what i am saying too much, so i practically studder or smoosh all my words together. I don't know how to be energetic and fun to be around. I know I have improved, because a year ago tonight, I was so depressed and lost, and now I'm a lot happier, still lonely, but happier for what I have. I would just like some insight, inspiration, motivation, or whatever you have to offer. Have a nice christmas everyone!

[Samedy]

So then what do you like? What does get you excited? Are there any interests that you have that you do get excited over? It can be difficult if you are talkinga bout things that you really aren't interested in.

[Ammy]

It is easier to stutter and say funny things when you're nervous - I used to do it all the time, or I'd clam up and say nothing.

 

You have to challenge the negative thoughts about yourself which make you doubt what you're saying. It sounds to me like you're thinking things like "this is boring", "I'm not interesting" when you're speaking and focusing more on these negative thoughts than on engaging in the conversation.

 

The way to remedy this? Start NOT caring what others think all the time - if people are going to like you, they're going to enjoy what you say and not judge it.. Whereas if the person is not right for you, they may not enjoy the conversation - but then who cares - they're not right for you?!

 

My only advice is ensure you have a range of things you talk about - interests, career, family, friends, social issues etc... And you should have no problems engaging people.

 

I'd say it's not about you not having interesting stuff to say, but rather you THINKING you don't have interesting stuff to say and this is what is getting in your way and making you doubt yourself and feel anxious.

 

Ammy

[stella74]

This may be completely off the wall, but do you think you might have a mild form of Asperger's Syndrome? I just read recently that one of the symptoms is always speaking in a monotone voice. Other symptoms are anxiety in social situations and difficulty reading peoples' non-verbal communication. It can be read by others as having a dull personality. Just a thought.

[Mguy92]

You sound an awful lot like me.

 

I usually talk in a monotonous voice around my peers, and my personality probably wouldn't be regarded as the best either. Not into sports, prefer a quiet environment, don't talk much except to close friends. I also don't read nonverbal cues. As a matter of fact, I have a disorder called Nonverbal Learning Disorder, which shares an abundance of similarities with Asperger's. It's just one of those things I have to deal with throughout life. I am often very depressed, mostly because I am single and feel ugly. Watching happy peers around me makes me feel even more depressed, and I am also quite anxious. On the positive side, I am recognized as being intelligent and having an advanced vocabulary by others around me.

[Ammy]

You sound an awful lot like me.

 

I usually talk in a monotonous voice around my peers, and my personality probably wouldn't be regarded as the best either. Not into sports, prefer a quiet environment, don't talk much except to close friends. I also don't read nonverbal cues. As a matter of fact, I have a disorder called Nonverbal Learning Disorder, which shares an abundance of similarities with Asperger's. It's just one of those things I have to deal with throughout life. I am often very depressed, mostly because I am single and feel ugly. Watching happy peers around me makes me feel even more depressed, and I am also quite anxious. On the positive side, I am recognized as being intelligent and having an advanced vocabulary by others around me.

 

I don't know much about Nonverbal Learning Disorder or Aspergers, however I think the major issue here is low self esteem. You seem like a smart guy, you may not enjoy typically masculine topics like sport, but that would not bother a lot of people - just pick the circle of people you mix with. I know plenty of girls who would like a guy who's not that into sport.

 

I think nonverbal cues can be learnt - it might be harder for some people for whatever reason, but with time and practice you could learn these things. I was once told you can boost your emotional intelligence by reading novels and watching tv shows (soapies even as they show regular daily interactions).

 

And remember you have valuable, interesting things to say, people should take notice!

 

Ammy

[ghost69]

you sound very shy. you just need to push yourself for more interaction with women and become comfortable in their presense. remember, they are humans like you. well, most are.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I actually like a deep monotone voice sometimes. One of my graduate advisors had one of those and he was a really cool guy.

 

However, I could always clearly understand what he said and he had the greatest dry humor. I considered dating him while single. He also had the most defeated yet unamused look on his face. He talked about math like some guys talked about sports and he was an interesting character.

[coffeechick]

A monotonous voice can be used to drive women wild , if deep, all the better use facial exressions slow down or speed up words eye contact is everything. i am currently in lust with a guy just like this

[Skyler H]

Normally, there are so many symptoms to recognzie the person who is a asperger. One symptom will not admit that person is a asperger. A person suffering from asperger syndrome have lot of problem in communicating with other people. Inability to recognize communication engages in listening as well as talking. Behavior fluctuates from mildly abnormal to quite destructive and difficult.

[Momake]

Nothing is wrong with you. I would hazard against trying to label yourself with a "syndrome" or otherwise so soon... you're just a little monotone and are still working on your social skills. Keep working on them and in a year or two from now the problems will be in the past. Seriously.

[Dangerous]

Your probably everything you've ever feared. I don't mean any disrespect by saying that, but you probably are considered to be ugly by many females, boring, predictable, monotone etc. There's no point in saying nonsense such as, 'hey, don't worry, this time next year you'll be so cool and loved.....you'll be knee deep in women'....because it's not true. Work on yourself. Try to find ways to fix what you consider to be things you don't like about yourself. All I'm saying is don't wait or rely on the cliche sentiments of 'everything will be okay' - because if life teaches us anything, nothing will be okay if we don't do something about it.

[Nicolas05]

Most of the time people with Aspergers get diagnosed for some other disability and are medicated wrongly. This can cause adverse effects on their mental as well as physical health.