If lots of girls think like my cousin then it is no wonder I'm single....

[Luke Skywalker]

....I've listened into a convo between my cousin and my mom. My cousin rejects guys who compliment her (she feels a complement makes her feel ackward or uncomfortable because it draws her attention to something that is drawing attention to her). If their teeth are not perfectly white and in order. If their fashion colours are uncoordinated (says she doesn't want any project) -- (i.e shade of grey on their shocks is uncoordiated with colour shades in pants, etc...). If their shirt is out hanging on their back.

 

I'm like -- WHAT? She says she cant find a decent guy and just basically friendzones everyone because they have some difficiency or quirk in their personality and just cant seem to find anyone. Now she is a lawyer upstart working in downtown London and is an only child and doesn't want a man to mess up her life. If he's not exactly what she wants, then she is not going to settle.

 

This conversation has led to some insights, and I'm trying to look at the most constructive ones.

 

Now I'm not sure how fashion is important to most girls, and haven't really monitored how I'm really going out there, but this blew my mind. Do women really look at fashion like that? The other idea is that if a woman is not displaying an already high interest level, then she has summarily rejected you based on how you look already -- then what's the point of even approaching her if anything you say is interpreted in a negative light and you are blown off? It seems if she is not sending strong IOI's or is approaching you, then that means, she has already rejected you?

 

Again, I'm not sure what to make of this -- do most women really think this way?

[DN]

do most women really think this way?

Good thing my wife didn't.

[NewPhillyGuy]

 

Again, I'm not sure what to make of this -- do most women really think this way?

 

Don't generalize. Some people are picky, others are not. Guarantee you this girl will be 40 years old and still wondering why she hasn't met a guy yet. She will be scratching her head, and you'll be laughing. Lesson learned for you - don't be picky about little things like this. Be picky about the things that count - personality.

[Cassie]

Your cousin sure sounds hard to please. I wouldn't generalize based off her perceptions as I'm actually quite drawn to quirky guys. The 'perfect' man as described by her would probably bore me half to tears!

[ghost69]

most women do not think that way. i'm pretty picky, but wow.

 

not trying to put your cousin down or anything, but there is a section of town here where stuck up snots like that hang out. they are into fashion and a lot of the clientele look the same. same style outfits. me? no fricken way. i'm me and dress like me. it's funny cause i stick out and girls come up and talk to me. i despise the area though. i really want nothing to do with those types of girls. high maintenance is not my thing.

[Lionel Hutz]

Ever see those hot older ladies that are single and wonder why?

[ghost69]

Ever see those hot older ladies that are single and wonder why?

 

*ehem* and in that same section of town i was talking about, further up north some odd miles, THAT is why they hang out. lol

[Luke Skywalker]

Yeah, I guess it seems my cousin's pickiness is a bit off centre and thereforee is probably not a good idea to make a generalisation.

[laisla]

she sure sounds picky. i know a girl like that. she's a golddigger.

[knightNshiningarmor]

for me, my attire is a reflection of my life. Personally i make an effort to match my shoes to my belt or my shirt to my shoe strings..(pink dress shirt with pink shoe strings with everything else black is a killer) not that i do this all the time but when my sole purpose is to pick up on the opposite sex then yes i consider what im wearing and expect the same. Imo if u dont care enough about how your presenting yourself when your sole purpose is meeting people I mean would u pick out the girl who looks like she just rolled out of bed or the one who looks like she dressed in hopes she would meet just you tonight...

 

that being said i often dont meet the most interesting women in these kind of circumstances...usually its in those situations not designed around meeting women, cases where i could give a ants breath of care to how i appear that you meet the keepers. SO imo the women like your cousin most likely end up being the "in the moment" type of women.

 

But if ur going out to a bar, club, date...then dress the role.

[COtuner]

Yeah, I guess it seems my cousin's pickiness is a bit off centre and thereforee is probably not a good idea to make a generalisation.

 

Sounds like the type of girl that was "popular" in high school and hasn't figured out the real world isn't like that. That's the last time anyone I knew behaved like that.

 

Although, to be fair, I have noticed a few younger guys starting to talk about women that way, so maybe it's something we can blame on the media or something.

[Nutz]

I don't think most women think this way at all. When your cousin is 40 and wondering where all the good men are, kindly remind her that she was so picky they found good women of their own.

[wagner]

she sure sounds picky. i know a girl like that. she's a golddigger.

 

She's not like that if she's a golddigger. A golddigger will keep moving on until she finds a dude with lots of money. The OP is talking about a woman who rejects all or most guys because she always finds a personality quirk or something.

[laisla]

She's not like that if she's a golddigger. A golddigger will keep moving on until she finds a dude with lots of money. The OP is talking about a woman who rejects all or most guys because she always finds a personality quirk or something.

 

yep that's what this gold digger girl i know does, too.

[Luke Skywalker]

I don't think most women think this way at all. When your cousin is 40 and wondering where all the good men are, kindly remind her that she was so picky they found good women of their own.

 

She actually already thinks, right now that all the good guys are taken and are happily married while there are only "deficient guys" available now. She had some decent prospects even at her law office at work, but quickly marked an "X" when she saw one guy with his shirt partially outside the back of his pants or another guy with some wrinkles even if they looked attractive in her view. She is really picky about fashion and maintains she doesn't want a fashion project.

[wagner]

ut quickly marked an "X" when she saw one guy with his shirt partially outside the back of his pants or another guy with some wrinkles even if they looked attractive in her view

 

That's rather extreme. I'm thinking she's OCD.

[Luke Skywalker]

yep that's what this gold digger girl i know does' date=' too.[/quote']

 

My cousin is not a gold-digger. She is a lawyer herself and it's fair for her to want someone of similar status to herself because she has worked very hard to build her life and doesn't want some guy to mess it up for her. Wanting someone that is also of similar or slightly higher status is not gold-digging. She also wants a Christian guy. Her attitude is she's rather stay single and to herself is she can not find the right guy that is worthy of her.

 

My mom thinks she's a bit spoiled, but then again, I feel it's her perogative what her preference is. I was thinking of making a generalisation on her, and while it may seem difficult to do so in this case, I still believe that to some degree I think women may look at "fine details", whether it is clothing, how you are writing or expressing yourself, etc...

 

I think as guys looking to be attractive to women, that we have to look at the "fine details" of what we are wearing, our body language, how we are conducting or expressing ourselves and what sort of message (subtextual communication) that we are giving out - because no matter what is coming out of the mouth -- it seems that sort of hidden communication is given allot of weight. In my cousin's case, it seems that it's taking 99.9% weight. For a "normal" woman, maybe it's 90% weight or less extreme.

 

But if you really face reality -- how you express yourself screams very loud in presentation or mating. Without a girl knowing ANYTHING about you -- the first thing she is seeing is what you are wearing and can make a snap judgment about you, etc.... this again shows that you can get pre-rejected before you even open your mouth. And making an opening that compliments some feature about her could also be a turn-off. I wonder how she would have responded to a neg, or what sort of opener would work. She's an intelligent type and thinks most guys are just for the moment, and once she shows that she has brains they just back off. Maybe she has some sort of point -- but I still think she comes down rather harsh. I know, for example, if I was a stranger trying to connect with her, I probably would not have a chance if I don't have my ducks lined up or come with an amazing opener.

 

I guess this just shows that when making first impressions or connections, you really need to put your best foot forward.

 

This thread will just show one thing -- that women may look at fine details most guys may tend to overlook. (i.e. keep your shirt tucked in the pants or buy another shirt if there is a problem) So, I've learned from this, and perhaps others may too, to really take a good hard look at how you are presenting yourselves.

[wagner]

This thread will just show one thing -- that women may look at fine details most guys may tend to overlook. (i.e. keep your shirt tucked in the pants or buy another shirt if there is a problem) So, I've learned from this, and perhaps others may too, to really take a good hard look at how you are presenting yourselves.

 

If a girl is going to reject me because my shirt is hanging out she'd be even worse to have a relationship with.

 

In fact from reading this thread I will probably leave my shirt out on purpose to discourage women such as your cousin from being interested in me in the first place.

[grymoire]

she'll probably feel the taste of her own medicine when the guy she eventually chooses rejects her because.......... oh her breasts are a tad small

[DN]

She is really picky about fashion and maintains she doesn't want a fashion project.

How arrogant of her to think that she deserves someone who is perfect. I bet she isn't always perfectly groomed - if she is she has too much time on her hands.

[Ammy]

No most women don't think this way at all!! I am a fashion conscious girl, I love dressing up, value things looking "good", but that doesn't mean I want a Ken Doll partner...

 

If I see a guy has potential but perhaps dresses badly, it doesn't bother me.. I mean I can always influence that later ... I also don't want a guy I date to be perfect, that would make me feel totally insecure! I like to try and find someone sorta matched to my level of attractiveness... But at the end of the day, I simply am attracted to some men and not others and yet they may objectively be good-looking or not.

 

I think when you like someone, feel that chemistry etc you don't notice the little imperfections (ie. teeth, or a bit of extra fat... etc)... At least I hope that's the case, otherwise no one would like anyone, cos no one is perfect!

 

Try and look good - ie. pick nice clothes etc, but ultimately most girls I know will see a guy dressed daggily, and just thiink - oh well that is something that can be changed... and still pursue if they like him.

 

Ammy

[Nutz]

She actually already thinks, right now that all the good guys are taken and are happily married while there are only "deficient guys" available now. She had some decent prospects even at her law office at work, but quickly marked an "X" when she saw one guy with his shirt partially outside the back of his pants or another guy with some wrinkles even if they looked attractive in her view. She is really picky about fashion and maintains she doesn't want a fashion project.

 

Yeah, she's better off single. Any man she marries is just going to be miserable and they'll either divorce or have a terrible relationship. She's basically got a head full of bad wiring is isn't LTR material right now. Maybe if she gets over herself, but not right now.

 

Think about it this way: by being picky like that, and shutting down guys left and right, the guy she does ultimately end up with will be either wussy, needy, or both. Basically a total beta male and will ultimately be unattractive over the long run. The alpha guys that are really good catches are going to see how finicky she is and drop her for more reasonable women at the drop of a hat. She's shooting herself in the foot and that's why the "good" men aren't beating down her door. It's one thing to have standards and another thing entirely to have reasonable standards.

[VerdeShimmer]

Fashion sense is not that important to me. As long as he lets me inprove him a tad bit.

[Pressfit]

Nah, I don't think she is a Gold Digger. Not in the widely held sense anyway.

 

Without going into a lengthy explaination of a Gold Digger, is easiest to think of one is like this

You take a Prostitute, with the Greed, and Morals, and intelligence for Money Laundering ability of a criminal, combine them together, then you got yourself a Gold Digger.

 

In one way I heard it is that "A Gold Digger is like a Hooker, only much smarter."

 

A person does not pay them upfront like the prostitute, they pay dearly later on down the road. In some ways the victim is the subject of a criminal sting by a con. It's actually a lot like a scam, a fraud.

The rationalization of a gold digger is simply that they want it and feel they deserve it. There are no guilty feelings in their mind they harmed anyone.

[Clarity]

I'd say a gold-digger is actually worse - most prostitutes are not in that line of work due to a free choice of their own after being presented with many viable options (as is the case for gold-diggers).