lostandhurt Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Children should not cry on Christmas Eve. They should be filled with anticipation and excitement for what is to come. Unfortunately an hour ago I was holding my son as he wept in my arms because all he wants is to have a Christmas with me and his mom like we always used to. My son is coming to the reality that his family will never be as it once was and there is nothing that can or will change that. As many of us here have known it is over but it takes some time for the reality and acceptance to sink in, so it is for my son. At first he liked having two homes but now he is torn between spending time with me and with his mother. He often tries to balance it out by figuring how long he should stay with each of us. A nine year old should not be concerned about such things, especially at Christmas. As I held him trying to hide my tears we talked of how we need to make the best and most of the time we are together and how Christmas won't be better or worse, just different this year and the years to come. There will be more tears and sadness for sure, but we will shed them together as nothing in this world can pull me away from that brave little boy. lost Link to comment
Loki71 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I am really sorry Lost. Your such a good guy and a great dad. As you already know you and your son are not alone in this. I wish we could cheer you both up. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Thanks buddy, We will make it through. He puts on a brave face but breaks down sometimes. It is good for him to let it out. We are in the boat it seems. Keep bailing the water out and we will get the holes fixed one day soon. lost Link to comment
Maverick32x Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I am not in the boat with you guys... but I will say you ARE a very good guy, and I've read a couple of your posts around here..... also, I really like how you aren't forcing your son to choose sides... and that it will just be "diffrent" not better or worse... very good way of putting it.... I am very sorry to hear about your situation though : ( and I hope things work out.... for you, your son, and his mother~ Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 This made me cry, as my kids are divided this year too. You are comforting him and helping him understand the situation which is all you can do. I am reminded to give my kids an extra hug tomorrow when I see them. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Lost, My kids were older so they were able to force back a lot of the tears but I knew that they were there. They have accepted the way things are, for the most part. But I can tell my youngest still asks in his own mind, "Why does it have to be this way?". He told me the other the day that his mom really screwed up when she left. He said she will never admit it but he "knows" that she knows that deep inside. Does not make me feel any better but at least he can see through the facade. Link to comment
omartin Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 My son was only a few months old when me and his mom spent christmas together. Last year i didnt get a chance to spend x-mas or x-mas eve with him. This year I have him on x-mas day. He will never know his real dad and mom together. All he will know is his mom and her new boyfriend. As he get's older i am not sure what to expect. I would hope he would be eager to spend christmas with his real dad. As for me I have to spend christmas eve alone for the second year in a row. It would be nice to have someone special in my life to enjoy this day with. Link to comment
TexasDad Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Christmas won't be better or worse, just different this year and the years to come. I have to remember this line... I with ya Lost, my kids are away from me for the first time on Christmas, in their life I know they are enjoying themselves with their mom and her family but I miss them so bad, and waking up to an empty house tomorrow...well it's just gonna plain suck...My 7 year old daughter is still struggling with the divorce, it pains me in my heart. Your post is so heart wrenching...the kids just don't deserve this. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 omartin, I do not know how well I could handle that. I knew that I could not control my X's actions or feelings but it scared me to death the thought of not being able to see my kids grow up. Hang in there Link to comment
Robert013 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I am affraid of how my 7 year old son is going to take his first christmas without my ex in the picture. She has been with him ever since his first christmas. We have already shed many tears together over her. He doesn't fully understand. I told him there was nothing I could do to make her come back and he just didn't understand this. He will get over her the same way I will by not contacting her and letting time pass while we live our lives. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I have apologized quite a few times to my kids that I was unable to get their mother to stay and keep the family together. Sometimes we all cried. It is good that they do not blame me or themselves for her leaving. It is too bad that she never fully understood what she has done to the kids or expressed it. Link to comment
omartin Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I have apologized quite a few times to my kids that I was unable to get their mother to stay and keep the family together. Sometimes we all cried. It is good that they do not blame me or themselves for her leaving. It is too bad that she never fully understood what she has done to the kids or expressed it. I apologize to my two year old son for the situation hes in -going back and forth between two homes - all the time. I try to tell him his real dad tried to keep our family together. My ex-wife was hell bent on her own personal happiness at the expense of myself and our child together. It hurts me to death that my son is enjoying his christmas eve without me (with her and her boyfriend). She doesnt even care about the situation. I can't believe i made the mistake of marrying and having a child with such a cold and souless woman. Link to comment
redhearts Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I use to spend Christmas with my mom and my dad wouldn't be over. As I got older I was like hmm why doesn't my dad come here? Then he started coming over. Maybe in time if you could be civil around the ex you could spend the Christmas with her and your son. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I apologize to my two year old son for the situation hes in -going back and forth between two homes - all the time. I try to tell him his real dad tried to keep our family together. My ex-wife was hell bent on her own personal happiness at the expense of myself and our child together. It hurts me to death that my son is enjoying his christmas eve without me (with her and her boyfriend). She doesnt even care about the situation. I can't believe i made the mistake of marrying and having a child with such a cold and souless woman. I know. I am not sorry that I married her. I feel sorry for who she has turned into. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Might be a little crowded with the loser she cheated on me with there. No reason to have a uncomfortable Christmas. Nice thought though. lost I use to spend Christmas with my mom and my dad wouldn't be over. As I got older I was like hmm why doesn't my dad come here? Then he started coming over. Maybe in time if you could be civil around the ex you could spend the Christmas with her and your son. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Exactly John.......that person is gone forever. I know. I am not sorry that I married her. I feel sorry for who she has turned into. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Lost...That made me cry, Just remember that you're a good Dad, and that's what's most important for your son to see. Hugssssss, and Merry Christmas, to you and your son! Link to comment
Perfection Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 lost mate. i am so sad to read this. you are an amazing person i know that for certain. and i know God cannot over look good people like you for long. i pray that you and your son get all the happiness that you wish for. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Exactly John.......that person is gone forever. Lost, I did go through a period of mourning as though she had passed on. In a way, you are right. That person that we chose to love is dead. But that can be said about anyone because of the inevitability of change. If I have learned anything at all in this life, everything changes. Once you accept that, the fighting against it, that can cause alot of suffering, no longer matters. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Lost.. hang in there, you're a great dad and you know it and you will handle it all great. I do understand somewhat.. this is our first year with a split family and my youngest is taking it very hard..and he is 20...he understands the reasons as to why it has to be this wasy, but that is not making it any easier. It's a tough day... be strong! Link to comment
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