Should I contact her, even though i'm the dumper?

[AC874]

My story can be found here

 

 

As Christmas approaches i'm feeling worse and worse. I broke-up with her because although we are young, we have different views of the future (kids/marriage etc). But I was and am still very much in love with her

 

I want to tell her how much I love her, and how much she means to me. I miss her terribly, and am having a tough time having the courage to stick to my decision.

 

Any thoughts? Your advice is greatly aprpeciated!

[CatsMeeoow]

Well what has changed?

 

Are your views still different? Then what would you accomplish other than breaking her heart again.

 

If you think you could honestly compromise your viewpoints then I might just send out a Merry Christmas and let her know you'd like to talk to her soon.

 

But - don't contact if the problems you left her for are still there.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Unless you have changed your mind and want a future with her then I would strongly suggest that you do not contact her. If you do it will only give her false hope and will hurt her even more when she realizes nothing has changed. You need to just deal with it and accept the decision you made.

[ladyblue07]

As Christmas approaches i'm feeling worse and worse. I broke-up with her because although we are young, we have different views of the future (kids/marriage etc). But I was and am still very much in love with her

 

 

Don't drag things out with her just because it's the holidays and you're lonely. If you two have such fundamental disagreements, it wasn't meant to last forever. There is someone out there who does share your vision for what you want out of life that you need to focus on finding now.

Hang in there and stay NC. You'll be glad you did.

[AC874]

Not even to tell her how much I love her and how I want the best for her?

[SighSob]

Do not contact her. Only do it when you want to get back together.

[renaissancewoman101]

I don't see anything wrong with contacting her, if you still care about her (and it seems you do, since you say you still love her). Do you want to maybe get back together with her?

 

I see on ENA all the time, heartbroken dumpees who are yearning to hear a word from their ex's to show them that the ex is not the jerkass that they thought they were. It is very sad to see the grief the dumpees have.

 

I've had ex's contact me after dumping me, and it wasn't a bad thing. Gave opportunity to air some stuff out and maybe discuss the breakup.

[metalawag]

Do not contact her. Only do it when you want to get back together.

 

 

I agree. Being dumped I would not want my Ex to contact me for anything other then them wanting to get back together. It will set you both back. You will get stronger everyday. IF you DO want to get back together, then yes contact her.

[S agapo]

Unless you have changed your mind and want a future with her then I would strongly suggest that you do not contact her. If you do it will only give her false hope and will hurt her even more when she realizes nothing has changed. You need to just deal with it and accept the decision you made.

 

That says it all from CAD!

[S agapo]

I agree. Being dumped I would not want my Ex to contact me for anything other then them wanting to get back together. It will set you both back. You will get stronger everyday. IF you DO want to get back together, then yes contact her.

 

I 2nd this

[Pandaman211]

she was a very materliastic/egotistical/ and selfish woman

 

Hey, if she is this, why do you want her anyways? I can see someone like that saying "....he's just not for me". Someone like that does want a Prince or King, they want a dictator. IF she really is that way, you don't want to get into that. If I'm misinterpreting this, or if you just said she is like that out of emotion, which I doubt anyone would to that extent unless it was true, let us know

[Pandaman211]

But if you do decide to contact her, own up to your wrongs, that you don't care about the kids, you were just stressed, got caught up into the traditional marital mindset that most people do, or w/e it was, you made a mistake, etc. However, when you do this, definitely don't cry, sound desperate, or clingy. Just sound sincere, mature, and genuine. If you come off as the first part, and she is at all, even a little bit selfish/egotistical, she will immediately recognize she has her finger wrapped around you, more so than most women (I'm just speculating from the little that I know about your situation)

[lady00]

I think that contacting her to tell her you love her when you still don't want her, is just going to be another rejection. At best, she will feel some sense of closure if she believes closure comes from outside instead of from within, at worst she will feel it's cruel.