My plan

[mike345]

For anyone who wants to read the background the thread "will it work?" contains my story. please give it a read if you have time

 

Before I start I jsut want to say that I'd love feedback on this and improvements/suggestions would really be appreciated

 

Ok my ex came home on the 19th, Haven't heard from her since the 12th. currently a mutual friend is going to go for a day out with her and bring up the subject and "sway" her into reconsidering.

 

One of the reasons why me and my ex split was because I treated her badly, not all the time but I had depression and on a down day i'd just be miserable and moody with her. I hate to think of what I did.

 

I Don't know If it would be wise to contact her over the holidays or wait (hope) that she will contact me. I know this girl has feelings for me, I just need to change her perception of me and to be the happy fun loving care free and loving person she fell in love with. I truly feel I can get her back but its been just over 8 weeks since she left and I dont know if no contact is the best option. Opinions please? really need help with this one. appreciated and good luck to everybody else

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I really don't think it is a good idea for this friend to mix in...she will know that you put him/her up to it. You have made your feelings clear in the letter. She has now chosen to cease contact with you. I would suggest not contacting her and leave her be. I have to wonder if she is scouting out other possibilities in college regardless of her insistence that these other guys are just friends. I would let her go. You said your piece, the rest is up to her. Now let her see what life is like without you in it.

[HopeArises]

I don't know your background, but I have to agree with crazyaboutdogs. Don't get ANYONE to try and sway her. Some girls may find this sweet and others will look down on your for it. Be a man. Again, I didn't read up on your history, but did you ever own up to what you did? Did you take responsibility for it? did you tell her it wasn't her fault? Did you tell her you don't blame her for not wanting to be with you? Those are ALL things that should have been said.

 

Now, about her talking/dating other guys in college, well, there is nothing wrong with her having fun, etc... She could be trying to get over the loneliness and hurt she is feeling right now. She could also be trying to get you jealous. It's called a TEST.

 

One thing I notice also is that you seem to be excusing your mistreatment of her and blaming it on depression. Do NOT tell her this ever again. Just make sure you don't do it again.

[mike345]

hi guys thanks for the replies. I wrote her a letter saying that I respected her choice and that I was there for her if she needed me (she moved away to college and is having family trouble). I have no excuse for the way I treated her I'll admit that, I can't say the depression helped though, I'd have periods of being a really nice romantic guy then being passive and boring and moody.

 

update: After nearly 3 weeks of no contact my friend sent everyone a merry christmas text message, to which she replied asking who it was (she knows my friend but does not have his number) to which he replied with something stupid like "im 6ft1 blonde...". anyway, her brother called back asking who it was and he got kinda scared lol. anyway my friend tells me to text her and ask whats going on. anyway we started a light conversation and she told me that she wanted to come and see me yesterday to see how I was but didnt know if i would what to see her and that she was bored etc. I suggested we could have went out today (christmas eve) but then she seemed to lose interest and said "maybe sometime before I go home, I've got another week before I need to go back. I'll text you and we can sort something out". I said that was cool, and said if she wasn't doing anything tonight it would give us something to do. I then asked some light hearted stuff such as "whats santa bringing you?" to lighten the mood and then wished her all the best. How would you guys interpret this. I was optimistic about it at first but it faded when she seemed to lose interest. opinions are very welcome, and appreciated.

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't think any kind of "plan" can work in this situation. I thought the same in the beginning, making plans and what not but I learned that they just do not work. The best thing to do is nothing at all. It's quite simple really, either they will come back or they wont and there is nothing you can do to change that. The best thing to do is accept it and get on with your life and move on, easier said than done I know but it's the only way.

[mike345]

shoefairy I do agree with you. It feels hard because I genuinly thought that this girl was the one for me. I just have to remember that I sorted myself out towards the end and that this isnt my fault. needless to say I have learned a valuable lesson, its just unfortunate I couldn't have learned and worked things out with her at the same time.

[metalawag]

Im not in a good place to give advice today but I wish you well Mike. Hope your day improves and you have a good Christmas. I know Im glad there is a board I can vent and get advice from. It helps a lot.