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Interpersonal relationships


euphgirl91

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I have never been "normal." My parents oftentimes are frustrated with my reactions to things. I'm not sure if I have trouble showing my emotions or if I am just less emotional than most girls my age, but I do know that my reactions are different than most. I have always had trouble making emotional connections with people and as a result have had few close friends.

 

The point of this post is my recent break up and how it changed my views on my relationship with everybody--not just him.

 

Our relationship ended because he felt that it had become more about the physical side than the emotional side. Granted I believe he is more openly emotional than most guys (I comforted him crying numerous times while he only saw me cry once) I think he has a point.

 

I just don't know how to act in social situations and have trouble interacting with others especially if they are quiet. I oftentimes have trouble holding conversations with anyone, expecially if there is only me and the other person involved.

 

The only person I feel truly comfortable with is my best friend, but I can't quite figure out why. He is the first person I've met that I can be truly open with and not hold back at all. Just a week ago we were in a four hour car ride alone and kept a conversation going the entire time. No topic was untouched.

 

I guess I am wondering what I can do to help strengthen my interpersonal relationships and even if I am as abnormal as I see myself. As I said above, even my parents are often confused with my interpersonal relationships and my reactions to certain things...

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My family used to tease me about how I didn't have any emotions (I'm a big crybaby nowadays though I have trouble making connections with people as well.

 

I think the most important thing here is your happiness. Are you happy with the way things are? Do you like yourself?

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I like myself, but I do get frustrated with this sometimes. It's just hard sometimes to see people with their friends and know that I've never had that. I guess its especially hard during the holidays when people all around me are exchanging gifts with their friends, hanging out, and going to parties while I just sit back, watch, and wonder why I never seem to have anybody like that.

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You may be mistaking a lot of the interactions you see around you as less superficial than they actually are. You may also have difficulty tolerating social small talk or assigning meaning to stuff that doesn't penetrate you.

 

Key word is 'may', just as I may be off base. It might be helpful to write some examples of reactions your family has found inappropriate.

 

Meanwhile, the reason I doubt you're as abnormal as you suspect is your ability to relax and enjoy communication and humor with your best friend. It should comfort you that your ability to connect is in tact--but your selectivity may be more refined than that of most people around you.

 

In your corner.

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I'm sorry about your breakup, and it must be a hard time for you. I think opening up a little more in future relationships would be a healthy change, both for relationships and for friendships. If you find yourself in a situation with a quiet person, try to ask a lot of questions, and if they give you short answers, then answer the question yourself. Say a lot about yourself. You will have to push yourself outside your comfort zone, but it'll get easier over time.

 

Also when making friends, think about what your best friend's personality is like... what is it that the two of you have in common, and what traits do you enjoy the most about your best friend? Then instead of noticing what you don't like, you can start looking for what you do like, and find those qualities in other people.

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Finding someone that you are comfortable talking to and like being around is always a challenge for people considering the amount of relationships you seem to form in High School only to realize that they are not really your friends.

 

Trust and willingness to share personal thoughts and experiences without worrying that your friend will think less of your for sharing them is something that we all look for in a relationship. To be able to talk about subjects that you wouldn't dare share with others because it could be used against you or make others think you are weird. It is a two way street on the ability to share your thoughts and feelings with your friends and to be able to keep your conversations confidential. To be able to be accepting and understanding to your friends issues and give advice and support when needed.

 

It sounds like your Male friend is someone that you feel very comfortable sharing and spending time with which is always something difficult to find in a relationship. That is why I recommend exploring your relationship with him considering that Best Friends make the best Boyfriends.

 

Your previous Boyfriend sounds like he has his own emotional problems that he has to deal with before he gets into a relationship. The fact that you are not as emotional as him is nothing to be worried about. Just because your a woman doesn't mean that you need to be crying over every little issue you have in life.

 

There are always those people who we don't always feel comfortable being around and don't feel comfortable hanging out with. Concentrate on the good relationships you already have and not worry about those that never really take off.

 

-Slim

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