kimi_baby Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I've recently been seeing this guy and he is completely right for me in so many ways. He's 17, but will be 18 in a few weeks. I have just turned 22. So there's almost exactly 4 years between us. This is fine with me by the way - any guy i've met of my own age isnt an eighth of the person he is. Anyway, we have been getting on so great and it seemed to be going well. But the other day he turned round and told me the age gap was a bit weird and was freaking him out. It had clearly been playing on his mind for a while and he made it very clear that he only mentioned it being a problem cuz he didnt want to realise it was too weird further down the road, cuz then it'd be worse. On this, i agree with him. He says he still wants to hang out and see what happens, which might mean he just needs time.... However, surely as the elder, i should be more likely to have the age gap problem?! So i dont understand what specifically he is finding weird. Everyone i've spoken to has immediately given me at least two examples of people they know who have lived happily ever after with larger age gaps than ours. But... then i guess thats not really the point. If he finds it weird, he finds it weird... So do you reckon there is anything i can to do make it less weird? I'm just worried that if it comes down to him being with me or with someone of his own age, i've obviously got a disadvantage that i cannot change... Anyone have any ideas? Link to comment
redhearts Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 You can't make him change his mind or how he feels. To me I find most people dating the age gaps the opposite way, the guy being older. So that is a little weird, sorry! Link to comment
COtuner Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 You're an adult, he's still basically a kid. Yes, I would think it a bit weird, especially since women mature much faster at that age. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I don't think its weird maybe he is kinda choking about having a "real relationship". I got it on with a lady when I was 19 or 20 and she was 28. We did our thing and I thought she wanted a relationship (on a side note we worked together, which made it awkward also), but I always wondered if I was ready for the responsibility. Maybe he has cold feet? Link to comment
Creative Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 When things gets real, he'll think harder and doubts start surfacing. Ultimately, it's a normal response. Just let him think pass it. Perhaps your desirability can help him make decision in the process. lol Link to comment
kimi_baby Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 You're an adult, he's still basically a kid. Yes, I would think it a bit weird, especially since women mature much faster at that age. But legally he will be an adult soon. And emotionally he is really mature... Link to comment
kimi_baby Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Perhaps your desirability can help him make decision in the process. lol Lol. maybe, thankyou. I know i cant change how he feels about it, but if i understood the issue better, then maybe i could correct some of his misconceptions about what i want. If thats what the problem is. Link to comment
kimi_baby Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 You can't take your boyfriend with you to the bar. Or any place/event that requires him to be over 21. I live in the UK, so the drinking age is 18 anyway And yes it would be inconvienient, but it wouldnt bother me that much. Link to comment
kimi_baby Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 You can't make him change his mind or how he feels. To me I find most people dating the age gaps the opposite way, the guy being older. So that is a little weird, sorry! Lol, it's okay, it is an unusual way around... Do you reckon that's what's weird for him? That i'm going after someone younger, rather than just the fact that im older....? Link to comment
kimi_baby Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Yeah.. your some of your maybes might be right ForsakenLove. I will talk to him. He just wants a bit of time right now to chill over christmas and sort himself out, so fair enough, and thats what i'm trying to do. It's just so frustrating thinking about it ](*,) Thankyou Link to comment
Creative Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 He just wants a bit of time right now to chill over christmas and sort himself out Maybe he is different... but If a guy is into a girl... lets make this a spectrum with 0 being not interested 50 being the boarderline between interest and no interest 100 being definitely interested Normally, the guy would want to spend Christmas with the girl if there is 70 interest. Isn't too far from the borderline. I'm massively generalizing here. Link to comment
kimi_baby Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Normally, the guy would want to spend Christmas with the girl if there is 70 interest. Thanks, but nah i dont think so, he genuinely just wants a break from this strange/weird situation over christmas. And to be honest, so do i, i'm just having trouble stopping thinking about it. I know he's interested in me, just maybe not interested enough to overcome the hassle he thinks might come with dating someone older than him. He's probably right and all. Who wants a complicated situation of a relationship at 17/18? Hell, who wants it at 22? Its just a sucky situation. Link to comment
Creative Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 So I guess the logic is, not to take this into a committed relationship until he think it through, thus in a holiday like this, he doesn't want to look as though it is one already. Thanks, but nah i dont think so, he genuinely just wants a break from this strange/weird situation over christmas. And to be honest, so do i, i'm just having trouble stopping thinking about it. I know he's interested in me, just maybe not interested enough to overcome the hassle he thinks might come with dating someone older than him. He's probably right and all. Who wants a complicated situation of a relationship at 17/18? Hell, who wants it at 22? Its just a sucky situation. I think you're accurate here. Ultimately, increase your desirability. Link to comment
duppy_conqueror Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 You're an adult, he's still basically a kid. Yes, I would think it a bit weird, especially since women mature much faster at that age. i think htats too much of a strong statement. he might be an exceptionally mature young adult. being adult isnt based on how old you are. Link to comment
Night Pumpkin Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 The problem is he has been listening to what some people in society have been saying rather than listening to his heart. Some people think it is weird to date an older woman - But if he is a mature man, he should decide what he wants and not care what others think. Real maturity is when a man will stand by his woman, no matter what other people think. If other people think it is weird, that is fine. But if he is a mature man he shouldn't be concerned about what others think, and only about how much he loves you. Link to comment
kimi_baby Posted December 27, 2008 Author Share Posted December 27, 2008 thankyou night pumpkin, it might be just as simple as that. i'll just see what happens i guess... he might decide its not so much of a big deal in time... thankyou everyone for your replies, and i hope you all had a good christmas Link to comment
forever1130 Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 well I'm 17 and ive been dating my bf who's 22 for over a year now. in the beginning the age difference kinda bothered me after awhile i got more used to it and now i don't think anything of it. My bf is absolutely amazing and I would never let something like age come between us. If you both really like each other then i don't see why the age difference should cause any problems. If he's going to date a 22 year old he needs to be as mature as a 22 year old and not let it bother him. Link to comment
ad-mortem Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Is he still at school? If so, it could be that he just feels weird that all his friends are dating people in the school or of their own peer group and he's dating someone older. I don't really think you can do anything except assure him that the age difference doesn't affect how you feel about him, and hope that he gets over it. Link to comment
blueyez2002 Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 I honestly feel if there is enough emotion involved it will be over come,the weird feelings that is..I know of couples who started dating when the guy was 18 and the women were late 30's early 40's..strange in this society yes, but these young men knew what they wanted and were not going to let age be a factor and get in the way. If he really likes you, he will come around and it wont bother him anymore..just my .02 Link to comment
blueknight Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 perhaps you should ask him whats weird or what he feels about it. "weird" doesn't say much. maybe social stigma is getting to him? maybe weird really means afraid of what others might think, maybe weird means afraid of what he thinks of himself. maybe deep down he's intimidated because he's younger. it's hard to find these truths out from someone who doesn't have a lot of self-awareness. he may or not may not be one like that. could really help to try tho. Link to comment
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