Disturbing messages on son's MySpace.

[KG]

I snoop. Because I care. Today his buddy and he were discussing handjobs/blowjobs. Apparently his 14 year old buddy is getting them.

 

My Q is that is this too early in age for this kind of talk? My son is a mature 13. Just don't know what to think?

 

Oh, and he does not have a G/F.

[hers]

When I was 14, I was having sex with my 13-yera-old boyfriend. It's never too early for the talk.

[Pink Wings]

Better to talk with him now. He'll get much much better information about protection/everything else from you than his little buddies.

[Catdancer]

Yes, definitely talk to him. I hesitate to tell you what we were doing at that age!!

[MollyElise]

I would definitely have the talk.

 

13-14 I know I was experimenting.

[NowandZen]

If I understand what you are asking, is it too soon for boys to be talking like this?

 

Yes, and no. Obviously, as parents, we wish they would delay thinkiing about such things until they are more mature.

 

Problem is, we haven't figured out how to overcome hormones. And yes, they are a ragin'. At this stage, you're lucky to pull his thoughts off of sex long enough to do an algebra problem or two.

 

Not to get too graphic, but if you let him have some privacy to *ahem* take care of business solo, it should keep it under control.

 

Your problem, though is that girls his age are much less likely to say no than they were when I was his age.

[JeckyllNHyde]

No it's not too early. Specially nowdays.

And specially when you have a son. (From my observations most times it's the boys which become sexually active early. I have a 16 yr old cousin who already lost his virginity, and though it's the "normal" age I was still shocked. Now my 14yr old cousin has a gf too! Ack!!)

 

I guess it depends what you want for your son. Are you ok with him being sexually active? Or not?

Or would you just rather not know?

[Clementine orange]

It's the right age for curiosity for sure. But yes, the talk is in order. I'd skip over the admission of snooping (unless it's common practice and he knows) if I were you. Somehow. If only so that you can do it later for more important things.

(for the record, snooping on one's own younger teenagers out of love or concern is OK in my book)

 

Note: his 14 year old buddy SAYS he is getting them (BJ/HJ etc) but it might just be talk and show off whatever.

[HellFrost666]

No it's not too early. Specially nowdays.

And specially when you have a son. (From my observations most times it's the boys which become sexually active early.

 

I agree... When I was 15 I was sleeping with an 18 year old girl...

 

Definitley talk to him KG, but try not to be too preachy about it.

[laisla]

yep, talk to him about it, but don't mention the myspace comment.

[Lionel Hutz]

At 13 we were talking about masturbation, kissing, blow jobs, sex, hand jobs, cum, etc. Its about the time we began to learn about all that stuff. Completely normal I think. Especially with "cartoons" like Family Guy and the internet. I mean 15 year olds can come here and read up about sex and romance. The safe sex talk is a good talk.

[lostandhurt]

Some of it may be bragging and some may be the truth. Many young girls don't think a bj is sex so he doesn't have to have a gf to get one. I don't envy you buddy. My boy is only nine so I have a little more time......thankfully.

 

 

lost

[redhearts]

Just show him the movie kids, hahaha! KIDDING. Ya talk to him about how he can get someone pregnant that'll scare him.

[abstar]

Around this age i think he would have already had the talk at school, but the talk from you in a more personal way sounds needed.

At this age i had sex and a relationship, its just the way things go mostly nowadays.

I would refrain from telling him you read his myspace, as this could stop him from trusting you in the future to tell you things.

Happy talking =]

 

xx

[greywolf]

I was in 5th grade when I started talking about sex. We also had sex ed that year. hahah

[KG]

Thanks all....We had the "talk" last year, when he thought BJ's were disgusting! Time to update. LOL!

And I guess I was a bit more shocked than I should have been...13 year olds giving BJ's freaks me, but welcome to the real world.

 

Since he knows I know about his friends and G/F's, I can use that as a starting point.

[greywolf]

What is this 'talk' anyways? I never got a talk.

[JadedStar]

Well i do not deem monitoring a teen's computer usage snooping. That is different than an adult monitoring another adult's computer history even if in a relationship. Chances are you pay for that internet and bought the PC, and he is a teen living in your home, your rules. So don't justify the snooping since it isn't really snooping. My kids were on a PG 13 monitored internet until they were 18. They didn't like it but they knew arguing with mom was useless.

 

Secondly, these are things no doubt most boys his age are talking about out of earshot of dad or mom. The ONLY thing one can do is have raised their kids in an open communicative environment and if communication about sex to this point has been limited, no time like the present to start. You can't avoid it if one day he experiments when he is out away from you. All you can do is instil in him some values and make sure he knows what safe sex is and that abstinence is "okay".

 

Talk to him. That is all you can do. KNow first that he will be embarrassed and as such you wno't get a lot of open dialogue most likely, but he WILL be listening even if you think he is tuning you out.

 

Good luck. Raising teenagers - whew. My single hand biggest achievement and at times most problematic, to date.

[JadedStar]

What is this 'talk' anyways? I never got a talk.

 

Parents always speak of the "talk" but in my opinion it shouldn't be a talk but open dialogue that occurs regularly. I spoke about things like this with my kids often, drugs, sex, etc. I kept the lines open to minimize embarrassment if they needed me. Now that doesn't mean i was one of those open parents who talked about sex all the time but i did enough to make sure they knew what they needed to know and knew they could come to me free from bashing if they needed advice.

 

The talk should instead be open dialogue that occurs on a regular basis from time to time. So many parents, especially those of yesteryear, just sat johnny down for one hour long "talk" and tried to squeeze it all in with as little embarrassment and discomfort as possible and let it go. While that is better than no talk, it isn't as good as keeping these lines open on a continual basis.

[greywolf]

^I see. Now that I think about it I did spend most of my teenage years away from my parents. Maybe that's why nobody ever talked to me about it.

[laisla]

^I see. Now that I think about it I did spend most of my teenage years away from my parents. Maybe that's why nobody ever talked to me about it.

 

same here, grey. i never got a real 'sex talk' but i did get most of the information from school and also knew clearly what my family thought about sex and relationships because they are strict and traditional. my oldest brother was like a father to me when i was younger, so he did most of the checking up on me.

 

it's important to do this even when you think they are "too young". when my little brother just graduated 8th grade and was going on to highschool, one of his classmates was pregnant and gave birth a month or so after graduation. she was 13 years old. she had said that it was my brother who was the father, even though he denied it the whole time. my parents were stressed beyond anything. we had to go through a lawyer and dna tests, which proved the girl wrong. kids are doing this stuff way earlier than parents would think.

[JadedStar]

I agree la'isla about talking to them young. As a matter of fact this makes it easier as younger kids are not as embarrassed as teens. Pre teens should be communicated with often. Parents are usually shocked to find out their kids heard a lot of things about sex around the ages of ten years and sometimes younger. Kids grow up quicker today.

 

My mom giving me my "talk" was so ineffective and embarrassed us both. She just didn't know how to deliver it and used slang terms to describe genitalia. At least she tried. LOL

I can't say it educated me very much tho. I have had to educate myself in life.

[Clementine orange]

.

 

So many parents, especially those of yesteryear, just sat johnny down for one hour long "talk" and tried to squeeze it all in with as little embarrassment and discomfort as possible and let it go. While that is better than no talk, it isn't as good as keeping these lines open on a continual basis.

 

Yeah I remember - gosh that was painful!!! (all of about 45 minutes) The squirming etc on the part of my parents. Yikes. I remember the relief in their faces when I answered "no" to their question about if there was any questions.

 

Many people talk about the old days as the good days etc and maybe they are but one thing that has improved greatly is the communication between kids and parents - especially about sex.

 

In my day you didn't even mention sex around the 'rents...if you knew what was good for you. This is pre-internet days so you can guess where we got all our sex information. Playboy, playground hearsay and films about syphliss and gonnerea in grade 7 health ed.

[greywolf]

^I never did it because I thought I was going to go to hell. hahaha

But it is important to educate kids. During my teenage years I lived in a very conservative country. Kids were just not expected to have sex because it was wrong. You couldn't believe what some of my friends thought about sex! There were 14 year olds that thought you could get pregnant from kissing! And it seems like half of my high school friends got pregnant in college.

[JadedStar]

Grey maybe that is why there were fewer teen pregnancies back then. LOL No internet and kids thinking that just kissing would get them pregnant!

 

Hmm, maybe that isn't a bad thing to tell theM! LOL kidding!