Conflicted, Please help!

[Olivia723]

I recently married a wonderful man. We have not been together for very long (two months to be exact, got married on day 45) I know that getting married so fast was probably not the brightest idea, but that is not the source of my conflict. He is in the military and has an ex and a son in NC (we live in TX.) He is currently on military leave and in NC with his ex and his son. He can not stand her, she makes him so angry and is always telling him to sign over his parental rights. He loves his son very much and doesn't get to see him very often, which is why he took the opportunity to see him over Christmas. It is very hard for me to be here in Texas knowing that he is out there around his ex. (she has had multiple partners and is severely lacking in morals including having 2 kids by 2 dads, neither of which she was married to by age 24) She get to have him all day. They been out to breakfast, to the mall to finish shopping, taken their son to the doctor, and she makes him visit with his son over at her house. She has not let him take the toddler over to his family's house in NC. I am battling very angry and somewhat violent feelings for her. My main issue is that she has him all day every day while he is out there and I get to speak to him for a half and hour spread out throughout the day. Every conversation we have, she feels the need to come and ask him questions while he is on the phone. He becomes distracted and I am left waiting on the other end listening to their conversation. The sound of her voice sends me in to a rage. I feel she does it on purpose to take whatever time I have to speak with him. I will be flying out on Christmas Eve and flying back to Texas the day after Christmas so that I can spend the holidays with him. After his leave which ends jan 1st, he goes strait to Iraq for a 15 month tour, so you can see why every moment with him is so precious to me. I am worried that while I am out there for a day, that she will not let him take his son from her house, that I will be in NC spending Christmas at his family's house without him, and that I will not at that point be able to control my temper any longer. Any opinions or advice are greatly appreciated!!!!!!!

[MollyElise]

Well that's quite a situation, I understand how that is driving you crazy!

 

I would talk with your husband, voice your concern regarding Xmas Eve / Day with him and come up with a plan for the time you are there, including have him setup a plan with his Ex for his son on Xmas Eve / Day.

[ghost69]

yeah, you need to work this out with him. you are his woman now, she's just the mother of his kids. she has some priority, but she isn't his anymore. you should get more time than her now.

[charity]

you sound too too jealous. calm down a bit. if he hates her then you have nothing to worry about or be jealous of. if shes as bad as you say she is then the last thing he needs is for you to go off the deep end.

 

his son is very important to him and rightly so , and you need to consider that if you and the mother go off on one, this would not be healthy for the child.

 

consider mentioning to your husband that it annoys you when you call him and the ex interrupts and he gets distracted. tell him you want him all to yourself for half an hour. he may have to be more firm with her then he usually is .

 

in regards to xmas day, i can definitly see that there will be chaos if you all dont make some solid arrangments NOW. if she wont let the child go to the grandparents house, then husband may have to split his day between you and his son. theres a good chance she may do this as i know i wouldnt want to spend xmas day away from my kids.

 

just try to be supportive to him, he is in a difficult situation and doesnt want to risk losing his son. however i think your husband needs to take your concerns a bit more seriously so have a chat with him.

 

lastly not all women that have children with more then one man have immoral values. it happens in life, to people from all walks of life. i found that offensive, and im not even in that situation but the father of my children and i broke up and i hope that one day i will meet someone special and maybe we will have a baby. then I will be one of those women and i wouldnt be like to be looked at as immoral.

[Olivia723]

Thank you Charity. I found your input EXTREMELY helpful. I apologize for leaving you feeling insulted. I should have either put in more detail or left that part out all together. With each of her kids multiple DNA tests were needed to determine paternity.

[charity]

hey olivia, how did xmas go for you all?