Need honest opinions.....

[sadme]

After four years together and 2 broken engagements with him in 2008. We broke up October 1, 2008 and have continued to have contact. This is what he sent me today.

 

"We have a VERY rough year...or couple of years. Not talking for a while is good for us...for both of us as individuals. I do have feelings for you but right now is not a good time to try and do anything together." There has been way too much pain and hurt between you and I for me to get together with you. It has nothing to do with me liking or disliking you. I have just decided to not put myself in a position like that again. I have gone through a lot in the past 3.5 years and need to feel better about me. I've lost that over the past 3 years. It's not about and never has been about being with other women. You just think and say that to make yourself feel better about it all or to justify it somehow. I'm not the one out at bars drinking every free night I have. That is you. Think about that for a minute. If it was about other women I'd be out ALL the time. You keep thinking what you want.

 

 

What do you all think it is best for me to do?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Has he felt insecure about the relationship because you have been going to bars drinking a lot?

[sadme]

I did not start going to bars until we broke up in October and he has been dating many women since then.

[HopeArises]

WOW, after reading that, I know why he left you. You were JEALOUS, CONTROLLING and SUSPICIOUS of him. You drove him away sweetheart and that is as clear as day. You have to get more secure in yourself. He fears that if he is with you that you will ALWAYS be this way. You have to take responsibility for your actions and admit to him ONCE that he IS RIGHT. Acknowledge that you drove him away by probably accusing him of things he never did (cheating on you, leaving you for another woman, etc...). It sounds like you brought a lot of DRAMA to the relationship and he had to escape that.

 

SERIOUSLY, write him back, telling him you understand how he feels. Do NOT defend yourself AT ALL. 0% okay? Tell him that you realize what you did. Do NOT make excuses for yourself. Give him some space and contact him a little bit when you are able to be in control of your emotions. You do NOT own this man. He feels that if he stays with you, he will never be able to feel free. BE independent and then look him up.

[Pink Wings]

I agree with HopeArises. From a female perspective I'd say give him space. Let him figure out what he wants. If you can't wait for him then you need to move on.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I went back to your other threads. It sounds to me like both of you are with each other out of a bad habit. Each time you two break up you are both frantcially trying to date others instead of taking time to really reflect on what is going wrong in the relationship and working on fixing the problems. Both of you are guilty of that. No wonder this relationship doesn't work...because neither of you are taking any time to think about your respective issues...the minute there is a split, both of you are off trying to find other partners to fill the void. The void is within yourselves and that is why nothing is working out, not with each other, not with other partners. You can't control him but you can work on yourself. Instead of trying to latch on to someone else just to have dates, why not take some time to be alone and think about why this relationship has failed so many times...what was your contribution to the failures. If you can't figure out your contribution, you will end up repeating the same mistakes with someone else.

[sadme]

I agree! It's been so hard on me and this last year the worst of my life with all the ups and downs, broken engagements, pain of being dumped two times this year usually for other women less than two weeks later and me dating everyone in town to fill the void. He says he still has feelings for me and give it time probably just to keep me there when his next relationship fails after a few months. I have said it 1,000 times but it truly is time to take care of myself, let this all go for a while and move on for good. If someday he comes back and says lets really work on us then I will see where I am at that point. I have to do no contact and break the habit. I feel like I need relationship rehab as I am addicted to him and this drama. Maybe the new year will inspire. Thanks for the feedback as it is right on.