I feel pathetic

[revitalized]

I am simply writing this message in terms of growing up. I have realized that through failing courses in school, I may be kicked out of school again for a year. This would be my second time being kicked out of college in 3 years. I will most likely have to work for a year and then basically have 3 and a half to 4 years of my school left.

 

I still think of my ex girlfriend all the time even though we havn't talked for 2 and a half years. she treated me like dirt and like an idiot, I still think about her in a good way. it's like my heart and mind wont let me think about her in a bad way.

 

 

honestly right now, I have realized that I have wasted pretty much the 3 years of my life after breaking up with her by doing drugs, drinking, gaining weight, failing courses, and just overall not progressing much at all.

 

I remember one of the things being said to me by my ex consisting of her calling me a failure, and now look at what I have done. shes probably laughing it up and moving on completely with her life in every way possible while I have screwed up my life in every way.

 

if you were kicked out of school for a year, then what would you do to feel good about yourself?

 

I don't even know where to begin. im out of shape and kind of have a bit of a gut, my memory is shot to hell by smoking marijuana, I have like no money and my parents pay for everything which makes me feel like I can't stand my own.

 

I have 3 goals if I am kicked out of school again for a year:

 

1.get healthy/in shape

2.train my mind to be ready for school textbook reading (comprehension)

3. become responsible and show the world that I can stand on my own two feet.

 

for responsibility I can only think of working 5 to 6 days a week, and for the gym, I will have to focus my workouts more around cardio or something rather than building mass since I am out of shape. (I look skinny but I have a bit of a gut and the love handles seem to be growing)

 

however, my main flaw which is training my mind to become a lot smarter and faster with reading comprehension, and trying to "REMEMBER" things that I read/study for tests is my main concern and I want to be able to be as smart as I used to be as a kid.

 

I remember in third or 4th grade I used to be able to score 99/100 on canadian history tests and ever since the 6th grade I basically stopped trying in school. I know that if I can just correct myself, and improve on being smarter in school, my health, and my responsibility overall that I can live a good life...I just feel so lost right now and I just want to seek some advice about everything as a whole....I want to succeed and stand my own ground.

 

im sorry for the rant...my life has been hell for a while and I needed to let out my emotions...

[waveseer]

That's great that you're ready to get it together. Being responsible and loving oneself is a way of life. Take it slowly, replace one unhealthy habit at a time with a healthy one. And your memory will be fine, it takes some time to clear out the cobwebs and after that your wit will return.

[CatsMeeoow]

Look -

 

Yes, you've completely messed up by getting kicked out of school for the second time. Please realize the number of people who would love a chance to go to school but financially can't. You have let a gift go unappreciated.

 

Get yourself together.

 

You are not the only 20something to wander aimlessly through college and at least you've realized that you need to make changes.

 

My brother was the same... got kicked out his first semester... didn't know what he wanted to do so he took the time to think about it but got out on his own and supported himself... he realized that he didn't want to struggle for minimum wage forever and got his but back into a school more suited for him.

 

My brother is the biggest success I know. Happily married to a wonderful woman and two kids... a big beautiful house in the country... and a great job.

 

This could be you too... but you must realize it will be hard work.

[Amasa]

If you haven't actually been kicked out yet, is there anything you can do to stay in school???

[Wolf_22]

revitalized, you sound sort of like how I was about 3 or 4 years ago.

 

When I first started school, I was going through some absolutely horrible times with family, friends, and a horrible ex. She treated me very badly and despite knowing this, I was still gah-gah over her.

 

It sounds like to me you need guidance. I don't know what your situation really is as we all tend to express and explain ourselves in ways which are sometimes not for our own good. What I would advise you to do is get help from the campus counseling center. It will be your "new moon" and I honestly believe this will help you more than your epiphanies you appear to be having right now.

[revitalized]

If you haven't actually been kicked out yet, is there anything you can do to stay in school???

 

I initially wrote a compassionate withdrawal letter about not being able to sleep and always being stressed out and they denied my letter. I tried to appeal it but I dont think they accepted anything. so now I have to wait and see but it looks like they are going to send me out again.

[revitalized]

revitalized, you sound sort of like how I was about 3 or 4 years ago.

 

When I first started school, I was going through some absolutely horrible times with family, friends, and a horrible ex. She treated me very badly and despite knowing this, I was still gah-gah over her.

 

It sounds like to me you need guidance. I don't know what your situation really is as we all tend to express and explain ourselves in ways which are sometimes not for our own good. What I would advise you to do is get help from the campus counseling center. It will be your "new moon" and I honestly believe this will help you more than your epiphanies you appear to be having right now.

 

yeah I talk to one of my counselors regularly. she is a pretty nice person. I have to schedule another appointment with her and try sorting things out. as for my situation I just kind of got walked all over by my ex a long time ago and she attempted to stay friends with me after we broke up but I was too angry inside and then we kind of both lashed out on each other and we havn't talked since.

 

I hate feeling hurt over that and all I really want is to get my life together and succeed as an individual. I just think that I lack focus in terms of studying. she used to always be in my head when studying and I wouldnt be able to remember what I would read in my textbooks it sucks.

[Wolf_22]

yeah I talk to one of my counselors regularly. she is a pretty nice person. I have to schedule another appointment with her and try sorting things out. as for my situation I just kind of got walked all over by my ex a long time ago and she attempted to stay friends with me after we broke up but I was too angry inside and then we kind of both lashed out on each other and we havn't talked since.

 

I hate feeling hurt over that and all I really want is to get my life together and succeed as an individual. I just think that I lack focus in terms of studying. she used to always be in my head when studying and I wouldnt be able to remember what I would read in my textbooks it sucks.

 

I hate hearing this about you because I know exactly what you feel about your situation.

 

When I experienced this sort of thing, I quickly learned who were my friends and who were not. I learned a lot about myself and unfortunately, the old adage about "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true. So you might get thrown out of school or whatever... So what? It's not the end of the world.

 

Try everything you can to avoid it, of course, but between you and me, it's my opinion that you might consider finding a male counselor. It's not a sexist thing and I'm not misogynistic, it's just that men know men better than women. I worry that this female counselor may not be reaching you on some ends and that while her intentions are obviously good-aligned, it's hard to know that this might be your second time being kicked-out with the help of the university counseling center. Just sounds like something needs to be changed with the counseling, that's all.

 

Whatever happens, just keep in mind that this, too, shall pass. I'm sure you'll figure something out. Hang tough and feel free to PM me if you'd like someone to chat with.