Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 do you do when the guy says he doesn't want a relationship, that he's not ready and all you think is, he just doesn't want one with me? I am hurting again today but for different thoughts about him. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I pushed one on him. I did it to myself. He did tell me that he loved me first though. I don't understand how he can't. I love him. I'm the real reason we aren't together anymore. I pushed and pushed and pushed. I wanted someone so much, he pretended to want me...and thereforee I believed he wanted me. Why can't we start over? Because he doesn't want me. I'm the one left feeling like crap now. I don't know how to trust men. I don't know how to be in a relationship. I feel worthless. I feel like life is not worth living unless you are loving....and I'm not allowed to love the man I love. Gosh how this tears at my heart in a totally new way! What-if's and coulda, shoulda, woulda's are going through my head. I wish i could start all over with him. Fresh. New. I have regrets. I never regret things i do...but I'm regretting every over-reaction I had during this past relationship! WHY did i get in too deep? Why did i give too much of myself--having nothing for him to discover? WHY am i crying? Why can't i just get over him? I miss his smile. I hardly ever made him smile...but it was beautiful when i did! I wanted to make him smile everyday, and I didn't! I want a do over! what's wrong with me? Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 What to do? - Accept that it's over, the reasons don't really matter right now. - Regain your self-worth by loving yourself and others. - Plan for the future you want for yourself apart from anyone else. - Achieve your goals. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 ^^^^ yes, i agree. repeat to yourself mantras like, 'if not him, then someone better.' sometimes it makes me feel better to write out the things about the guy that annoyed me, and i would look at the list whenever i got the urge to try to get back together. hang in there! Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 i have a problem. I won't take no for an answer... Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 HE SAID MANY MANY TIMES THAT I AM THE ONE!! that thought keeps racing through my entire body! Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 HE SAID MANY MANY TIMES THAT I AM THE ONE!! that thought keeps racing through my entire body! Then be the one. Become the person he would want to say that to and mean it. Because odds are the same qualities will make another man say you are the one as well. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I'm sorry you are dealing with this. But-there are solutions to the problems you wrote-most are simple-some not so...I will reply to your original post in a moment. Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 Then be the one. Become the person he would want to say that to and mean it. Because odds are the same qualities will make another man say you are the one as well. I am that person...but with outrageous extremes that I really can't control sometimes. I think i need help...and i'm starting to realize that my manic behavior may not be the kind I can control without medicine. All my family is on anti-depressants...maybe I need to be on it too... Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 ok, that would be a good start......... Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 Have yall heard of excercise being a good way to get happy..a better alternative than medicine? Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 is it just that you aren't happy - or is it that you have some kind of mental/mood disorder? have you been to a psychaitrist to be diagnosed? Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 is it just that you aren't happy - or is it that you have some kind of mental/mood disorder? have you been to a psychaitrist to be diagnosed? I have never been happy all day....I don't know if I am happy at all during the day. I know when I went to stay with this guy...I was happy...like extremely...but otherwise, normal activities I'm not happy. Most days i'm just blah or depressed. And when I'm depressed, I'm extreme. I don't want to do anything. I can't motivate myself to do anything. I cry a lot and sleep a lot. This guy has depression too. And if neither one of us were in this state of mind, we'd be perfect for each other, I know!!! I went to a dr once about it...she pissed me of...didn't go back! Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 well, go to a different doctor. maybe consider going to a therapist - maybe you can figure out if your depression is situational or chemical. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 See my responses after your original paragraphs... Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 how do you do that without money? what kind of therapist? Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Do you belong to a Church? I know my Church offers some free counseling by a psychologist...do you have insurance? Start with your Dr. You say that your whole family is on anti-depressants. I am sure one of them could help steer you in the right direction. I have to be honest. What you are describing to me sounds a lot like depression. My mom and sister have it and are on anti-depressants, and it literally makes a world of difference. Good luck... Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 Do you belong to a Church? I know my Church offers some free counseling by a psychologist...do you have insurance? Start with your Dr. You say that your whole family is on anti-depressants. I am sure one of them could help steer you in the right direction. I have to be honest. What you are describing to me sounds a lot like depression. My mom and sister have it and are on anti-depressants, and it literally makes a world of difference. Good luck... I don't belong to a church...but i go sometimes. I don't have insurance, nor do i have a job. I don't have a regular doctor, besides the one that I owe money to(he's a PA anyway). I am scared. I don't want to feel nothing at all. I don't want to never be happy or sad! I hear that happens a lot! I already feel blah...i don't want to be zombie like...I will kill myself if that happens...not like on purpose but I am suicidal and know that medicine sometimes adds to the thoughts. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 why don't you have a job? i think it's easy to feel depressed when you don't have something to do, some goals to accomplish. are you looking for work? Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 why don't you have a job? i think it's easy to feel depressed when you don't have something to do, some goals to accomplish. are you looking for work? well i am looking. i just feel like i can't get one partly because of the depression and I don't have a car or phone anyway. I am setting goals for myself. After christmas, I'm going to really look for a job. I know that a lot of employers need help after the holidays because the seasonal help leaves or the let people go that aren't working out. I think i've hit bottom and am ready to work fast food again. I am going to start working out daily. there's a gym a block away from the place i'm staying. I asked my mom to buy me a membership for christmas. I'm serious about it. I want to feel better about myself...and that will help!! I love being active and am not because i'm so fat and out of shape! Then when i feel better, i'm going to possibly take summer courses at some college near by, finish up my associates degree. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 you don't even need a gym membership to get into shape! take walks, do your errands by foot. rent free workout DVDs from the library. do situps and pushups in the morning. getting fit doesn't require a lot of money. can you take a bus to work? Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 "I don't want to feel nothing at all. I don't want to never be happy or sad! I hear that happens a lot! I already feel blah...i don't want to be zombie like" I have heard this before-many times. And this doesn't happen. It does not mean that you will no longer be happy or sad...what it means is that you will no longer be manically happy or manically sad. You will be more towards the middle with your emotions, and trust me-that is more healthy. Hence the suicidal tendencies-not healthy. Nor is the manically happy tendencies that cause you to absolutely focus on your purported source of happiness, and in this case at least, scare them away. Listen-this manic-depressive state is a disorder-you can't help it, it is through no fault of your own-you were born this way. And the scary part that I have seen with people that suffer from it is this-the manic highs are so addictive, that they are willing to live with it, and even deal with the manic and catastrophic lows, just to get that high. It's really like an addiction to drugs. But I'm here to tell you-the medicine will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself, and those around you, including those you love. You won't be zombie-like...you will just be happy, and sad, just like most other people you will meet. And trust me-it beats the alternative... Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 and if you get to that more even keel, you will be shocked at how easy it is to focus on your goals. Including weight loss, exercise, college...you will be able to actually focus on and commit to these things, and carry through, instead of living on this incredibly destructive emotional roller-coaster...good luck. Link to comment
Stars_n_Guitars Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 Well amazingly I was happy on Wednesday! and happy today! I felt as if i have shed a skin of pain and regret and the things i held to to make me continuously sad! I pray this feeling lasts! ususally when i have to be around my family(as i was yesterday), I stress out. I feel pressure in my chest! I get easily angered! That wasn't the case at all yesterday, for the first time EVER--as far back as i can remember! I woke up this morning happy! I actually hugged my sister-in-law today! I had and overwhelming desire to just hug her! We don't like each other, by the way. I went out with my sister last night. And we actually were able to talk. She is a stressful person. She's manic also. and instead of taking in her stress it was as if i was blocking it and because i could do that, we could communicate!! It was amazing! We were about to run out of gas. We should have ran out of gas! We were driving around somewhere we had never been before, it was dark and cold. The low fuel light came on about 10 miles before we arrived at our location. On the way home we were sure we'd run out of gas because the closest gas station(that was open) was 20 miles away! Usually when the gas light comes on, ya got 15 miles or so til you are screwed. I prayed the entire way to the gas station!! A small miracle--got to it on fumes and prayers! I really am understanding how God provides! This is truly making me happy from the inside out. Deeply happy!!! If any of yall prayed for me--THANK YOU! Link to comment
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