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Is communicating important?


mickie

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My Girl sometimes acts like she does not want to talk when conflict arises in our relationship because she says she prefers with locking them up and not thinking about them. I try to talk because i think that it helps in preventing the problem from arising again and if it does we know how to deal with it. Im I right??

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In my own experience locking up problems can be very bad, for numerous reasons...

 

1) Relationship communication is very important. I know many relationships that either fail due to not enough communication or they stay together and are misrible.

 

2) I don't think its healthy. In the past I kept everything inside which eventually got to me so bad that I began cutting. I never seeked help for the cutting so I am not sure if this is what caused it, but it seems most likely what did. I had a lot of issues inside that I wouldn't or couldn't tell anyone. It made me unhealthy for a long time and extremely depressed and anti social. (Again though these issues are tied with something deep, but I think me keeping stuff in also played a part in it)

 

3) Well other than that I don't think its the right way to go about things. I think sometimes its ok to keep things in. But when it comes to serious, long and even short term relationships it is important to be honest, to talk about problems, etc...

 

Anyways that list could probably go on but I think you get the point.

 

I try to talk because i think that it helps in preventing the problem from arising again and if it does we know how to deal with it.

 

I agree with this. I also believe though to have a successful relationship communication in all areas is important. I have had rough patches in my own relationship where talking with my boyfriend was like talking to a wall or he just wouldn't open up. Its something we work on though.

 

So out of curiosity, does she not want to talk when pretty much any type of conflict arises?

 

Do you know if she was always like this, even before with you (where she keeps things in) I mean?

 

It sounds like if she was like this before meeting you then she maybe having trouble breaking away from it. She possibly keeps it in to avoid having a fight or the possibility of a breakup. Then again she may not trust you entirely (which is unlikely but you never know)

 

Sorry for the ramble but yes to me relationship communication is important. Perhaps if it is bothering you to much you should try talking to her about it.

 

Hope this helps

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Hey Invinsible. Thanks alot for taking time to read my post. Yeah she sometimes bottles up issues and what really ticks me off is that she will say something like 'You know you did something i did not like' and when i ask her what it is she refuses to say. I mean, what was the point of saying that then? By the way, Nice Captain Toshirou Hitsugaya avatar!!!!

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Hey Invinsible. Thanks alot for taking time to read my post. Yeah she sometimes bottles up issues and what really ticks me off is that she will say something like 'You know you did something i did not like' and when i ask her what it is she refuses to say. I mean, what was the point of saying that then? By the way, Nice Captain Toshirou Hitsugaya avatar!!!!

 

You are supposed to know what she is thinking without her telling you! C'mon Mickie, where are your mind-reading abilities?

 

Ok I was kidding, but that is basically it. She probably thinks the problem is so obvious that you already know, or you should already know. When my bf & I started dating, we made the agreement that if we had a problem we would tell each other because otherwise, the other person will have no idea! Actually it turns out we're both pretty much on the same page & know when something's up, but we still talk about it.

 

It's hard to get someone to open up when they are used to automatically reacting by shutting down. Sometime when you are both in a good mood & relaxed, tell her that if she has a problem she needs to tell you exactly what is wrong, otherwise you will have no idea & the problem will go unsolved.

 

I don't know if that'll work but it's worth a shot!

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