i can't speak to you ever again

[pushforward]

i will have to post here, i need to get these feelings off my chest.

 

Dearest _____,

 

I wish I could see you off. You're flying to Korea to visit your Mom. I want to hug you and kiss you goodbye. You're going away and I wish you a safe trip on your journey. I want to wave you goodbye with a smile on my face. Knowing you would come back again one day. I want to be your everything and complete you. I want you to be my everything and complete me.

 

It was fun while it lasted, I've been doing many things to reflect upon who I am and what I am able to accomplish. I will do great things one day. I'm an inspirational story in the making. I've been through so much heartache in my life, you're just a stepping stone to who I am to become. There is no definitive answers as to who I will be, yet I know I will be great. The pain is a sign of growth and change. I've been through so much and I want to be able to help people. I think I've finally figured out what I wanted to do. What makes me happy is being able to help people and their problems. To overcome their trial and tribulations and see a better tomorrow.

 

You know how much I love you right? You were my other half. You saw me in my darkest of days and my greatest moments. I remember all the little things you did for me and all the things I did for you. I'm sitting here weeping, missing the old times, wishing they would come back and never end. But, things happen for a reason. God has bigger plans for me in this world. You're just a reminder of what a taste of love and heartache is.

 

You were my first special somebody. Somebody I could be proud of, somebody that I wasn't afraid to share. Somebody that I loved and held dearly to me. I felt like I lost a limb when you left, I felt my heart break into billions of pieces when I found out you cheated. It keeps getting worse and worse. The girl I love no longer exists. She's dead and should be forgotten. She made me who I am today.

 

I don't know who or what I would be without that experience of tenderness and care. Something I never experienced on that deep of a level. You know my Dad was murdered and my Mom abandoned me. I never thought I was capable of love. You came along and changed my perspective on everything. I'm not this cold machine. I am human. I do have feelings. I did love you with everything I had with every best intention. I wanted my future to include you in it.

 

It hurts so bad right now. To deny myself everything that I found pleasure in. To now cry over something that once gave me a smile. To stop thinking that there is still something between us that can never be broken. They say you never forget your first, but I want to forget you. I want to forget the heartache, the on going pain and sorrow.

 

When you left, it felt like my Dad dying again. I now have to classify you in the same category as my Mother. Somebody who just upped and left my life. No real reason, just a lie and selfishness. I feel like I loved you too much and that's what pushed you away. I've been reading and reflecting, trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Nothing is wrong me, I won't change who I am.

 

I won't become that jerk that all your exes were just to keep you. I won't tone down my affection because that's the only way I know how to love. I won't pretend to be some guy who can have any girl, when all I want is one girl.

 

I'm too good for you. You will realize when you lose your first true love, how deeply it will rattle your core. How it will shake the very essense of your being. You will question your existence and actions for the rest of your life. You walked out on and cheated on the best man in your life. You will learn from this experience and you will not do it again. People like me are a rare commodity. You will never replace my affection or love.

 

I'm not seek revenge and wish you well. Be safe to on your trip. I hope you find what you're looking for in life. I'm too buzzed and emotional. I want to call you so bad and tell you to be safe and have a great trip. To tell your Mom thanks for everything and I wish I could get her a gift under different circumstances.

 

I really loved you and your family. I loved your life and your friends. I loved every little thing about you and it's time to let go. You won't ever know how I feel. It's better this way. Bye.

 

Love You Always,

 

-pf

[SighSob]

That was heart-touching. You're right buddy, it's her loss. And she is going to realize it sooner or later.

[franfran]

I really don't think it's possible that she will ever find someone better than you.

[pushforward]

Hi.

 

My imagination is running rampant of how it would be if we were still together. Me taking you to the air port and sitting with you. Holding your hands and caressing your hair. Sitting closely together and looking like the best couple in the world. Your designated time arrives and you're off. I give you a kiss and tell you "I'll wait for you ha knee." With my hands forming a heart shape. With you returning the heart shape with your arms leading to the top of your head with another heart shape. Hugging each other and embracing for the last time for a while.

 

It's all just a vibrant imagination. A fantasy that I know could have been reality. Something that would have caused me so much joy.

 

Still thinking about you and reflecting upon what I like about the relationship. In actually I loved every single second of it. I just don't like how you changed and could not be honest with me. I understand you're only human, but was infidelity really necessary?

 

I don't know what to write anymore, I just keep writing and writing. Deleting and never posting. I'm just tired of it. I don't know what to say to you anymore. I don't want to speak to you. I just want you to go away and stay away. I'm done with this and done with you. You need to stop haunting me. You're just another person in my past who will pave the way to my future. Can you leave me now?

 

I'm tired of crying and fighting myself over you. You just aren't worth the tears and heartache. It's been the longest 4 months of my life. Just leave me alone, I want to sleep this off and never wake up, until I forget you.

 

I don't want to grow old with you anymore. I want to forget you. I want to leave you. I don't want any indications of you in my life. I want this sorrow to go away. I want to be happy again and not have this whole in my heart or void in my life.

 

Please leave me be and never come back. I just don't want you anymore. I don't want the hurt or lies. As much as I love you, please go away. You've made your choice and I've made mine. I tried to get you back for 3 months. I have no regrets. I really did love you at one point. As time goes by, I realized you didn't love me and you couldn't tell me. You had to take the easy way out and just break my heart in the most heartless way.

 

Have a safe trip. Wish your family well for me. I miss your cousins B and A, and the love that you once had for me. I was too good for you, your lack of self esteem caused you to cheat. Your lack of love for yourself, caused you to not love me fully. I'm okay with it now. I see it. It's okay. It's okay. You'll be okay and I'll be okay.

 

One day at a time. Let me love you for one more day.

[pushforward]

I really got to let you go. This isn't right. This doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel good. It hurts when you lose somebody you love. Involving another person or not. Dreams will be dreams. The past is the past. Yet, you are still a part of me.

 

I will make it through this. I believe in myself. I must go through this. There is something in my life that caused this to happen. I must look at the big picture and get to where I need to be. And that's to live life without you, happily and alone. To love myself again and love another when I'm ready.

 

Be safe, you really are my first love.

[UCLAMike]

maybe you are my lost twin brother. your post tells me that I am not alone. You wrote my letter. I am going through the exact same thing, word by word. She is still with another man. It's been 5 months now since August, and I had anxiety attack last night after doing a lot better. But I know that each day it is getting better and I am feeling horrible less and less. I feel like I am ready to fall in love again...