Giving up on the past. moving forward.

[Aaron20b]

I just made a new account to start fresh. My old account was Evilken24 and with that account I made 1 last topic about a past girl. Now it's time to move forward.

 

With this Account. I will try to help those who seek advice. I have gain knowledge with my bad experiences in the past.

 

I shall post more threads when I get into new situation with new girls.

 

but right now I want to understand women behavior. Is there a book out there that helps me understand women? besides "Men from mars and women from Venus"

[redhearts]

Google it. Not just women but relationships too. There is one called 100 secrets to a successful relationship or something that is a real good one. First you have to make sure you are okay.

[Sn0man]

I was reading this earlier today, and I though it may be related to your question.

 

Copied from Progressive U

 

My friend Brian once asked me (after I bugged him for a while) why women think men should be psychic. I thought this was a great question. Very insightful, profound. I think that one question sums up a lot of frustration in heterosexual relationships. (Ok, I'm generalizing here, but for the sake of my sanity that's what I'm going to go with.)

I think you know what he's talking about, men. Women won't tell you why they're upset. You're left wondering if it even has anything to do with you. Women won't tell you what they want. Hell, they get mad when you don't apologize for something you don't remember doing a week ago.

I freely admit that I'm guilty of doing all of that. It contributed to the ruin of one of my relationships. Brian's question left me wondering. Why do women do that? Why do I do that? I annoy myself with this behavior. Why can't women just say what they want to say? What's stopping them?

There isn't a simple answer. I've come to believe that it's a combination of factors. I've also come to believe that the answer won't be very satisfactory. Explanations for human behavior rarely are.

What it all boils down to, I think, is the socialization of women. Women are socialized to be dependent on men for their emotional needs. I also think women are socialized to be ashamed of their emotional needs. Their needs put a burden on men. They are taught to feel they are demanding of they actually vocalize their needs. But if men actually know what the want, or figure it out, and do something about it, then they're not demanding. It's not a burden if men volunteer. To expand on the socialization of women, this moves into women's feelings of self-worth.

It's pretty hard to argue against the fact that women are generally made to feel crappy about themselves in today's society. In terms of just body image, women are bombarded with images of an impossible ideal. Thin bodies, flawless skin, shiny hair; women are exposed to this on a daily basis. This ideal woman isn't just presented on a physical level, but also on a personality level. That personality, in my opinion, is pretty shallow. The women in the media who represent the apex of the ideal physically are portrayed as dunces. They can't even spell their own name.

My point? My point is that many women are convinced, either consciously or unconsciously, that this female ideal is what men want. These ideal women don't ask for anything, but instead be whatever men want them to be. And the men who pursue these women will often do anything to get them. This includes anticipating needs. So the logic goes like this: a man loves me, cares about me, thinks I'm wonderful, thinks I'm sexy, thinks I'm worth pursuing if he anticipates my needs. If he knows what's wrong and fixes it without my having to say anything. If I do have to say something, then he obviously doesn't care about me. He doesn't love me. Why? Because he didn't say anything or do anything. Even if he asks, she is ashamed that she has to say something. She's ashamed that she has needs, ashamed of her desires, ashamed that something could be wrong. Those feelings prove to her that she is not the perfect woman. She never thought she was in the first place.

Does any of this really make any sense? From a purely logical standpoint, no. But since when were feelings and emotions, especially in women, ever logical? From a social psychological standpoint, it makes sense. * * * * ty feelings of self-worth are a powerful force in a relationship. It is a major underlying factor of many things women do in their relationships with men.

For example, women hearing hidden messages in what men say, instead of taking them at face value. Again, if women think they aren't worth being with, then they think men don't either regardless of what they say.

This also goes for what women say because they often put hidden meanings in their statements and questions. I'll give you an example of something I did recently. I went over to Brian's place (the guy who asked me the question) to get some left over pizza. He was sitting in his room watching a movie and eating. When I walked in he gave me a strange look.

"What?" I asked.

He didn't answer. He looked at me for a couple more seconds and then turned back to his movie.

"What the hell was that look for?" I asked as I sat down on his bed. He just smiled. "What are you watching?" I wanted him to say something and not stay silent. He told me.

Now, at this point my thoughts were consumed with how tired he was of me. We had been spending a lot of time together, and that would have been ok, except for the fact that I had a crush on him and he had a girlfriend. So my thinking was: he has a girlfriend, it's not me, he's spending more time with me than her, he looked at me weird, he must be tired of me.

"Ah," I replied. "And you're tired of me." I got up from his bed.

"Pfff..." is what I heard behind me.

"Hmm?" I turned around.

He gave me a ' * * * * * , please' look and said, "You really expect me to answer that?"

"Yes."

His next look was serious. "No, I'm not tired of you. Why do women try to find hidden meaning in what guys say? There aren't any. If we want someone to leave, we'll just say 'Get the hell out!'"

I sat back down on his bed. "I know. I like that about men."

"So why do you do that?"

"Because many women feel like they're not worth being with. We'll go to great lengths to confirm our fears."

He rolled his eyes, pretended to smoke a joint, and passed it to me. I looked at his fingers for a moment and said, "Yes, please."

My statement was a little more direct than many women's are, but I think it demonstrates my point. There was a hidden meaning in his look and my statement was made to prove it.

I think this was the shortest answer I could give without getting lost in confusion. I should probably give this answer to Brian. He was the one who asked.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

I just made a new account to start fresh. My old account was Evilken24 and with that account I made 1 last topic about a past girl. Now it's time to move forward.

 

With this Account. I will try to help those who seek advice. I have gain knowledge with my bad experiences in the past.

 

I shall post more threads when I get into new situation with new girls.

 

but right now I want to understand women behavior. Is there a book out there that helps me understand women? besides "Men from mars and women from Venus"

 

Well that's good,man.A fresh start means real life interactions with women and friends too....no Myspace or MSN messenger.

[Batya33]

I think your goal should be to understand people, not "women" - the more you focus on believing that you can understand an entire gender because of their gender. And, when working on understanding people, I would focus on developing empathy.