Does this make me petty?

[pw1nlad]

My gf and I met in college and have been dating for 3 years now. We both just graduated and now she's a 1st year law school student, and I moved back home and plan on going to grad school next fall. She only lives 45 minutes away right now so its not a terribly long distance relnship. We see each other once a week on the weekends and usually I go there and do dinner and date night with her and stay over at her place.

To get to the point, the conflict I'm/we're having is that bc she's in law school she's busy a lot and has made new friends that she goes out with all the time. Since she started school a couple moths ago, everytime I see her she doesn't want to do anything. She doesn't want to go out, she doesn't want to make dinner and just get a movie. She just wants to go to dinner, come home and sleep. And our sexlife has suffered too, which of course I'm bummed about. Probably the biggest reason I'm bothered by it is because she'll go out and stay late with her friends on Friday night and then when I come up on Saturday she's tired and just wants to go to bed. (Or if I stay with her Friday night, she'll go out on Thursday)

So about 2 months ago I pointed it out to her and she said she was sorry and would try to not be so lazy around me. I mean, I work 40 hours, I'm busy too, I just don't have homework. But I don't sleep all the time when I'm with her. Also, I have other friends in law school who said to wait until after her finals are done to really try to work this all out. Well her finals are done and we haven't brought it up yet, and she definitely hasn't changed.

How do I bring it up without coming off as petty, since it was only 2 months ago? And at what point am I just getting in the way of her career? Because I really don't want to stop her from doing anything.

Thanks for being kind to the newbie.

[redhearts]

How bout you cook dinner or bring some take home? You don't have to go out to dinner every night. Compromise maybe? Just one date night out, or 2 a month?

[Sn0man]

Maybe she just needs to get some partying out of her system. I know when I was in college it was all about school for months at a time with no going out time - so when break came around I had to go out and get silly, just to get it out of my system.

 

If you want her to save some fun for you, tell her so. Tell her to save a weekend just for you guys to go out and tie one on! Do you guys go out and do things when you visit her? or is it more just spending some quality time in? She may just be needing to get out and have some excitement.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Definitely talk to her again. She is taking you for granted. If her priority is partying hardy with friends and then ignoring you all weekend then what is the point of you being there with her. Talk to her and see what happens...after you talk to her and if you see no change, next time she runs off to bed tell her that you have things to do at home and are leaving...then walk out the door and let her spend the weekend on her own...and you go home and re-think this relationship. I have to wonder if she is partying it up because she has met someone else she might be interested in.

[blue69]

Communicating in a relationship should be expected and appreciated. So many people bury their feelings and then later lash out.

 

When you explain things try to avoid using words like Always, or Never. Instead focus on those behaviors that are causing some issues. And present them to her in a non-confrontational way. Acknowledge her stress and her issues. Good communication early on helps form a solid foundation in a relationship.

[lady00]

No, I don't think you are being petty at all. You are talking about fundamental stuff that is missing in the relationship that most people would be upset about. I think you should definitely talk to her now that her exams are done.