is the way someone talks about their ex a good way to tell how they will treat you?

[jenna981]

I read somewhere awhile ago that the way someone talks about their exes is a good indicator how they will be to you. I've only had one serious relationship and it seemed to be true with that one, he talked bad about all of his exes, and I realize the same way he said he was with them (and after) is the same pattern he did with me. At first I thought it was good and felt sorry for him his exes were so terrible and that I was somehow better... but now I'm thinking that's not the way to look at it now and I should of looked at it as a red flag how he will treat and be with me.

 

So is this something common I should look out for when meeting new guys? If a guy says good things about his exes is that a better idea to tell how he will be in a relationship with you?

 

Any experiences to share if this is a red flag and true or not?

[waveseer]

When I was through with my husband for good I ceased to say anything derogatory about him because, well, I was done.

 

I don't think your ex ever resolved his feelings regarding his exes.

[redhearts]

If someone CONSTANTLY talks about their ex, they just aren't over em.

[kaoticbaby]

i agree with the other posters.

if you know more about their ex then her name and a few random facts about her, he may be hiding the fact that he isn't over her....

[Sn0man]

I don't know if what someone says about their ex's is an indication of how they'll treat you, but it IS a good indicator of how you will be represented should you break up.

 

If he's talking about his ex's constantly, that should be a red flag. If he bashes his ex's all the time, that would also be a red flag. But a little biterness towards ex's is normal and not something to be overly concerned about.

 

Hope that helps!

[kaoticbaby]

I don't know if what someone says about their ex's is an indication of how they'll treat you, but it IS a good indicator of how you will be represented should you break up.

 

If he's talking about his ex's constantly, that should be a red flag. If he bashes his ex's all the time, that would also be a red flag. But a little biterness towards ex's is normal and not something to be overly concerned about.

 

Hope that helps!

i heard somewhere that you should be more concerned if your S.O. bashes their ex than if they talk nicely about them.

bashing the ex is usually the result of unresolved feelings.

[redhearts]

i heard somewhere that you should be more concerned if your S.O. bashes their ex than if they talk nicely about them.

bashing the ex is usually the result of unresolved feelings.

 

Or regrets, a great deal of regret from being with them.

[kaoticbaby]

Or regrets, a great deal of regret from being with them.

regret is still an unresolved feeling.

 

if somebody is completely over their ex, they don't find the need to talk about them so often.

[waveseer]

regret is still an unresolved feeling.

 

if somebody is completely over their ex, they don't find the need to talk about them so often.

 

Unless they have to deal with their shenanigans all the time about the kids.

[kaoticbaby]

Unless they have to deal with their shenanigans all the time about the kids.

granted. that is true.

 

i was basing it more on a childless relationship.

[lost1607307474]

If somebody is talking about their ex that often there is obviously some kind of underlying issue involving an attachment to their ex.

 

My SO and I rarely talk about our exes with each other. We've shared past experiences about relationships and beak-ups and stuff, but nothing over the top. And I've found that all of my past relationships, and all of his past relationships, are nothing like the great relationship we have together

[LanceVanceDance]

If a woman starts bashing her ex without being asked to talk about him, it's a huge red flag for me. I remember one date a long time ago on which the girl started talking about her ex and complaining about him within the first ten minutes of the date or so. I thought "Why are you telling me all this crap?" and wanted to get out of there as fast as I could, and I did as soon as it was acceptable to do so.

 

If you want to know how people are likely to act in the future, look at how they have acted in the past. If they angrily broke up with their exes and constantly bad-mouth them, you should consider that perhaps it will happen to you too.

[mr_iwi]

It is, but only assuming that you treat him the same as his exes treated him.

[jenna981]

When I was through with my husband for good I ceased to say anything derogatory about him because, well, I was done.

 

I don't think your ex ever resolved his feelings regarding his exes.

 

 

Thanks, I kinda thought that but there is a tendency to get jealous when someone brings up their exes too.

 

Would yous be offended if a guy kept taking you on dates to the same places he took his ex? Not just once or twice, but where it seems to be everytime?

[waveseer]

Thanks, I kinda thought that but there is a tendency to get jealous when someone brings up their exes too.

 

Would yous be offended if a guy kept taking you on dates to the same places he took his ex? Not just once or twice, but where it seems to be everytime?

 

Is he hoping that people he and his ex both know will see him there with you? If so, you are being used as a pawn.

[Georgie Grrl]

No, especially if there are kids involved.

[COtuner]

I wouldn't think so - to me it would depend on the amount and type of emotion. Depression when talking about them would be a warning sign, anger another. If they simply say things like, "S/he cheated on me and it came to a bad end" or "S/he lied to me all the time"... no biggie. We all have bad stories to tell. Also how often they come up in conversation - warning sign.

 

I mention an ex maybe 3 or 4 times a year in passing, usually something like, "well, you know that guy I dated hated my dog, so I'm a little sensitive to your comment about stuffing him in a kennel for the weekend so we can go away".