dstein Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I have been in a breakup now with a man I was in love with for 4 years. He left 11-29 to get some "space" and moved out only 8 days ago. Obviously this is fresh. I expect to hear from him on Christmas-his mom emailed me and said that she would talk to me Thursday. I need real, concrete feedback on how to handle this. I do not know what to say to him. I am devastated, but ignoring him seems really immature considering our relationship history. I have 2 teenaged boys that he will want to say hello to as well. If you need more info, my story is in my earlier post. I would really appreciate the help.
waveseer Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Give a great big merry christmas on the phone and then hand it to one of the boys.
dstein Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Give a great big merry christmas on the phone and then hand it to one of the boys. Yeah? Just like that? You make it sound so easy!
redhearts Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I thought you said his mom is calling, not him.
waveseer Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Yeah? Just like that? You make it sound so easy! The trick is not to listen. As soon as you know it's him, do your thing.
dstein Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 I thought you said his mom is calling, not him. He told me the last time I saw him, last Thursday night after a lonnnng talk that he would talk to me on Christmas. After I got the "I don't want to not talk to you.I don't want to not have you in my life" thing. I have been very close to his family, and she must have assumed we would all be speaking-they don't know how completely devastated and messed up I feel over here...I have tried to be a lady through this and have not said anything ugly to anyone-I save that for my journal!
dstein Posted December 26, 2008 Author Posted December 26, 2008 Well, how did it go? I didn't hear a word from him or his mother. That was quite a powerful message. Hurt like hell until I screamed at the top of my lungs in my car a few times. Feeling a little calmer today actually. Super disappointed, especially that he didn't reach out to my kids, even with a TM. Ouch.
dstein Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Well, I got a call from his mother this morning-she wanted to see how I was and said if she didn't hear from me she'd try again tomorrow. It's now been 18 days since I spoke to him at all...I feel vulnerable and don't want to try to get information...what do I do? His mother and I are very close and have always had a very open line of communication, up until now of course. What do I do???
Ellie2006 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hi, I dont think you should allow his mother to place herself in the middle of the situation. In the end, the issue is yours and his, and should be resolved by the TWO people involved, not a third party. No matter how close you and his mother are, she is ultimately HIS mother and her primary alliance will be w/ him. I dont necessarily believe that you should snub her when she calls -- a brief call to catch up should be ok, considering the close relationship that you have had with her all these years. BUT in my humble opinion, I do NOT believe that you should consult her about what to do about the break-up. She cannot be objective. If she brings it up or offers (un)solicited advice, I think you should simply tell her that you'd prefer not to discuss it. I say this bc she may say things, which she has speculated or hopes for, instead of conveying information that her son (your ex) has communicated to her. As for your break-up, I think, as hard as it may be, you should just try your best to pick up the pieces and go on with your life for now. Your ex has expressed that he needs time and space to clear his head and think things through, so I think you should give him what he says he needs. At the same time, you should look out for yourself, NOT wait for him to come around, NOT place yourself in a devastating limbo-land BUT move on with your healing. Turn to your friends, family, your sons for support. ENA is also a great place for support and to vent as well. Take care of yourself and I hope you have a great 2009.
dstein Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Thank you for your honesty. It's funny, he called not 10 minutes after I posted that about his mom...I didn't pick up the phone and haven't responded yet. My reaction to seeing his name on the phone was too emotional!
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.