My boyfriend or someone else?

[snowflake137]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7-8 months (we don't keep track of anniversaries so I'm not sure when we really started dating). We get along great for the most part; he's fun to talk to and be around, however, our relationship is severely lacking in a few areas.

 

He never wants to do anything. As a girlfriend, I'm pretty easy to satisfy so it's not like I'm expecting something extravagant every other week. It's just that I do get sick of only going to the movies or the mall. Also, when it comes to our sexual relationship, it's very frustrating for me. I'm very comfortable with saying what I like/want him to do, but he never listens and about 95% of the time, he ends up hurting me physically on accident. This is not about him being malicious (really, he's one of the nicest guys you could meet) but more about him just not listening. This frustrates me because I always make sure that he is very comfortable when we do something of the sort.

 

Recently, I started hanging out with a guy from one of my classes, and I've developed quite a crush on him. He's quieter than my boyfriend which is a good thing and he actually has some hobbies that he is passionate about. Also, he likes to read. Best of all, he actually wants to go out to various places. I found out yesterday that he likes me. Currently my school is on winter break and he lives several hours away; were this not the case it would be VERY difficult for me to not cheat on my boyfriend which is very unusual because I am very good at controlling myself in situations like this. This is the first time in several years that I have felt about someone like this to the point where I actually tremble if we accidentally touch lightly.

 

I made a promise to myself when I started dating my boyfriend that I wouldn't break up with him for someone else because I've had this happen to me three times in the past. Also, I was his first kiss (among other things) so I really don't want to ruin relationships for him. That said, I find myself in a very hard position. Also, I would like to reiterate that I do enjoy being with my boyfriend and I love his personality, it's just that I'm sick of being bored and not listened to in a relationship. I've brought up issues before, but well, he just doesn't listen.

 

In general, I'm very torn between these two guys at the moment.

[blgbird]

talk to your boyfriend that this is not working for you and that unless he steps up..you're gonna move on. If you want to rescue this relationship be honest with him about your relationship (except for your little friend at school) and see if he's willing to up his game or if you really just want to end it go ahead..but don't cheat and don't settle.

[redhearts]

Uh break up with your bf.

[GreenEyedJes]

talk to your boyfriend that this is not working for you and that unless he steps up..you're gonna move on. If you want to rescue this relationship be honest with him about your relationship (except for your little friend at school) and see if he's willing to up his game or if you really just want to end it go ahead..but don't cheat and don't settle.

 

I completely agree. Try talking to your boyfriend and give him a second chance. Let him know that you need these things from him if he is serious about this relationship. If he can't provide it, then its time to move on.

[snowflake137]

I completely agree. Try talking to your boyfriend and give him a second chance. Let him know that you need these things from him if he is serious about this relationship. If he can't provide it, then its time to move on.

 

He is serious about the relationship, but I'm his first girlfriend, pretty much first everything. I do my best with giving tips, but my help can only go so far if he doesn't listen.

 

Also, his not listening I'm pretty sure has more to do with ADD more than anything else (he's not mentioned having it now but he did have it as a kid).

 

We had a big talk on Saturday night about everything (except my crush) so I'm waiting to see how that turns out in the end.

 

My boyfriend is a natural "shut-in" so to speak so he's never really going to want to go out somewhere. I feel that this would be somewhat of a shallow thing to break up over.

 

Also, I feel really uncomfortable with him touching me right now. This is because I currently have stronger feelings for someone else. Is this normal?

 

@redhearts: There's really no point in this and it would just be an unwarranted thing to do.

[redhearts]

Okay that is a major hint that you don't even like your bf and your pretty much staying out of guilt or something. You like this crush that you feel guilt if your bf touches you because you like this other guy. Really no point in breaking up with your bf? Because you have a rule of not leaving him for another guy? Well don't leave him for another guy, just leave him and don't be with another guy. You clearly don't even like your bf.

[snowflake137]

Okay that is a major hint that you don't even like your bf and your pretty much staying out of guilt or something. You like this crush that you feel guilt if your bf touches you because you like this other guy. Really no point in breaking up with your bf? Because you have a rule of not leaving him for another guy? Well don't leave him for another guy, just leave him and don't be with another guy. You clearly don't even like your bf.

 

I do like my boyfriend.

 

When I meant touching, I meant in a sexual way. This is also because I have come to be physically hurt (as in little tears on my genitals) because he is not gentle enough (neither of us have had sex yet).

 

I really do love being around my boyfriend and talking to him usually. I've just come to REALLY dislike him doing something of a sexual nature on me and I'm sick of being bored half the time I see him because we end up just going on the internet or something stupid at each others houses because we never go out anywhere (and there are plenty of cheap/free things to do in the area, heck, even going to a park would be a nice change in pace).

[ponyboy]

And this is why guy friends are bad lol.

If your so bored why dont you suggest some things you and your bf could do, im sure he would be glad to change it up a bit too. But with the attitude you have now the relationship may allready be doomed. If he seriously just doesnt listen when you talk then thats a whole nother issue aside from you being bored.

[snowflake137]

And this is why guy friends are bad lol.

If your so bored why dont you suggest some things you and your bf could do, im sure he would be glad to change it up a bit too. But with the attitude you have now the relationship may allready be doomed. If he seriously just doesnt listen when you talk then thats a whole nother issue aside from you being bored.

 

I usually don't have problems like this with guy friends. Usually it's my girl friends that are more of an issue in this case because I tend to like girls moreso than guys (at least at first). One of my best and most trusted friends is a guy.

 

I have specifically stated things or places that I have wanted to do/go to. Seriously, I'll ask he'd like to go to a museum that say, costs $5 for students, and he'll be incredibly unenthusiastic. I never request anything that would cost more than $20 a person and I always offer to pay my portion of the cost (if not his as well) and then he complains about it being too much money. However, he spent hundreds of dollars going to a comic book convention this year (which I could not afford to go to even if I'd wanted to).

 

The problem with my boyfriend is that he is perfectly content doing nothing or going out anywhere. It's not like I'm asking to go out every week or month--heck three times a year would be better than nothing.

[hiphop3]

seriously tho, how strong are you feelings for him? is this REALLY worth fighting for?

and if you're going to fight for it, he has to fight for it too. and since you've brought up these issues before and he hasn't listened, i think you need to be more blunt, maybe don't give him an ultimadum, but get the point accross. he'll step up if he wants you bad enough (i think..). or maybe you're just not compatible. it's not a bad thing that he's content on his own, it's just who he is. and it's not bad that you want to go out a lot, that's just who you are.

sorry i just wanted to clarify, have you two had sex yet? or are you just doing other things?

i think it's silly to tell yourself what grounds you can and can't break up with some one for. you can't predict the future, and there may just be some one out there who is better for you.

do not cheat though. break it off if you're too tired and don't think there's much of a future to fight for.

[snowflake137]

Usually it's me who is the one who wants to be left alone. When I go to visit him, he always wants to cuddle a lot and I'm really not a touchy-feely person. Either way it's cuddling, watching a movie, or playing video games, none of which really appeal to me a whole lot. I would love to be able to quietly spend time with him and read a book or something, but he's so loud by nature that he won't even be quiet if it's studying.

 

This past weekend, I gave him a really straightforward talk where I pretty much said everything that was on my mind (except for the other guy). He said that he felt that we compliment each other. I disagree. I compliment him but I really don't benefit from being with him. I don't get worse, but I don't benefit from him the way he says he benefits from me.

 

I don't want to break up with him for someone else because of the pain he would be in. It's one think if he were a total jerk, but that's not the case. I sometimes suspect that me and my boyfriend really might be the type who are better as friends and in that case, I wouldn't want to purposefully create a nasty and bitter ending should we decide to end this.

 

As for sex...we have not had sex yet; just other things, so to speak.