Losing it. Please help

[Kristin25]

So I am on Day 4 of my boyfriend not calling me. Essentially, breaking up with me after we have been together for a year. I am in my late twenties and have never been through anything like this, I always did the dumping.

 

I am really struggling. I understand to a point why all this is happening. But I am really starting to feel alone. I'm even thinking about getting a rebound a quick as possible just to avoid the pain. And to fill some void, I'm not stupid, I know what that is about.

 

It's very painful. I can't get out of bed. I have only sent him 1 text telling him I never thought he could be this person. But it doesn't help, the pain is still there.

 

I really feel like I am breaking down. I have had so many up's and down's the past days. But the morning seems to be the worst and it sets the stage for the whole day. I feel like I cannot handle anything.

 

Please help.

[pushforward]

I'm sorry for your pain. You must understand that rebounding is temporary. It will not fix any of your real problems. Know that the pain is temporary and that realistically speaking, can be months before you get over him.

 

I'm 4 months in my first break up and I am the dumpee. Some days are better, some days are worse. You need to pick yourself up and realize that it's over. As much as it hurts, this person is out of your life. The sooner you realize the truth, the sooner you can start rebuilding your life and to heal.

 

If you understand why this is happening, why can't you see your irrationality? You're considering a rebound, you should take some time to yourself and heal.

[redwineplease]

pushforward is right on!

[elizmdavis]

From your post, it seems like this split was recent and very random. Was it this or was it something that was a long time coming? Was there any closure? There could be a lot of unanswered questions plaguing your mind right now. If he isn't willing to help you answer them, then just talk to friends. Lean on your friends or talk on this site. Get out your thoughts and frustrations.

 

Just sounds like he is showing some true colors my friend...when we are in love, true colors are camoflauged. I really hope you can find closure and peace.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I have only sent him 1 text telling him I never thought he could be this person.

 

I am not sure I understand this? What kind of person? Why did he break up with you? You say you were always the dumper so this is a first for you. Chances are what you are feeling now is exactly the way those other guys felt when you dumped them. Most people experience a lot of pain when they are dumped so what you are feeling is normal. You just have to ride it out....talk to friends, talk to family, talk to people on ENA...but DON'T embark on a rebound because that is not fair to the person you will be rebounding with and you will end up causing him the pain you are feeling now. Also, it will only mask your pain but won't take it away. You need to experience this, live through it and come out stronger for it.

[Kristin25]

Yeah true colors I guess. And I have thought about how when I dumped someone it was easy for me. But at least I took the time out to talk about it and never ignored their phone calls. I have done some things in my past that I regret and maybe this is all payback.

 

We were very tense. But the last time we talked he said he was coming to see me in a few days. We broke up once before, but we talked the entire time. He came rushing back a week later.

 

We were going to have to be long distance and I think we both knew it wasn't going to work. But for him to just end it like this is incredible.

 

I am super fragile right now and can't even tell you how I spent my day. I'm just sitting around. I keep thinking about how many emotional problems I have and where they come from and how it affects everything.

 

And now I am here alone. I live in a small town away from my friends and have no one here. I'm absolutely heartbroken but I am more scared of how I am going to come out of this. I feel like I am losing it. I just don't want to be alone.

[elizmdavis]

I keep thinking about how many emotional problems I have and where they come from and how it affects everything.

 

What a blessing that you finally have time to work on these things. I truly feel that if this stuff gets healed, then you and your future with love will reap all the benefits. No longer would you question if your past is affecting your relationship. No longer would you blame yourself for causing issues. You would gain a new sense of self and lots of confidence in who you are. This is a blessing...it's not payback. You DESERVE to have love...maybe you just aren't quite ready for the love that IS in store for you. Take this time to heal your wounds. Find yourself.

[Kristin25]

I'm just not at the point of healing. This is really hitting me hard. I'm like in despair and I hate how dramatic the whole thing is. And how hard it is hitting me has me really concerned that I have some serious attachment problems. I feel completely void. And this isn't just about the breakup. I feel like more than the breakup is flooding me. I really feel like I am having a breakdown.

 

For a man to do this to a woman, I think strong women, the woman I want to be, these women focus on their pain, mull and cry over it for a little and then wake up one day and they are great.

 

That's the woman I want to be. I want to give myself a time limit for this and move on. But I feel like I have so much to learn from this and so much to change, that the thought of real emotional work that I have to is incredibly frightening to me.

 

I mean am I contacting men that I would never have done in a solid state of mind. I'm thinking of doing these wild things and acting out but I know how much that would hurt in the end.

 

At night I get as least sober as I can and feel a sense of relief that I get to go to sleep and not think about any of these for many hours. And then when I wake up, it's like a panic thing all over again.

 

I work at home and I can't focus. I live in a town that I hate. And the thing that I most looked forward to, my boyfriend, has completely left me. I feel an immense amount if sadness about it all. I want to be strong and shake it off, but then I now that I will be suppressing something.

 

I'm just so afraid to think about all these things because I am afraid I might loose it. Like, just go out of my mind and out of reality. It scares me. You just aren't allowed to do things like that.

[elizmdavis]

I like how you said that you wanted to be that "strong woman". That kind of person finds positive outlets because she is confident in herself. That kind of person doesn't need the attention of a man to make her happy, she is just happy with who she is. She wants a life partner who respects, trust, and communicates with her as she deserves. She is a beacon of light for other people because of how she handles her troubles. When she is down, she finds the best ways to deal with her problems.

 

There is a reason that you have this burden right now. How you choose to deal with it can really make or break you as a person (scary as it sounds, it's not that bad). It is OK to hurt right now...just let yourself hurt! But, I bet you are smart and you know how to find the best ways to supress your pain. Pain really messes with our very being, but remember that the love you have for yourself is the best medicine.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Is there anything in the town that you like...any nice place in the town that you can go to and feel any sort of peace/ Do you have any stuffed animals...hugging a stuffed animal at night can give some sense of comfort (I have done it when I am in rip roaring emotional pain). Take deep breaths and realize that it will get better. Have you ever been without a boyfriend or have you gone straight into new relationships every time one ends? If you have, now is the time to work on those feelings of panic...it is okay to be alone without a partner..there is so much you can do when not tied down to someone...enjoy the freedom. Instead of thinking about what you lost, think of the freedom you have gained...freedom to sit and think about what YOU want from life...goals, dreams. Start focusing on re-building your life...get your mind away from the break up, away from him and put the focus on you. If you can start focusing on you, this deep panic you are feeling will ease up.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. The problem with pursuing a rebound when you know exactly what you're doing is that you can't muster enough interest to go through with it--no matter who's in front of you. So I doubt there's really any danger of hurting someone else while you're hurting so badly.

 

I rebounded quite a bit when I was deluding myself about how lost I was when I left the only guy I can honestly say I've ever loved. We remained in contact, as I truly cared about him. I should have left him 2 years earlier, but I was worried about him because he was depressed. I felt trapped, but I didn't know then how to do things any better.

 

Point is, I squelched the whole pain thing--I'd finally found my way to freedom, so I wasn't going to waste it on grief. I plowed 'forward' making complete messes. It took me until way into my 30s to get real and stop playing with people. It wasn't fun anyway--I was like a bully who was never satisfied taking my $h!t out on perfectly nice people.

 

Anyway, that's one rebound story you're lucky you won't repeat; it just doesn't feel like luck right now. You are grieving, and there's no 'one' way to do that 'right'. You aren't serving a punishment, you're pushing through a right of passage. You'll never take anyone for granted again, and you'll be better for this. Your pain isn't being wasted--it's like a meat tenderizer, serving its purpose. The fragility you're sensing means you're honest, and it also means you are stronger than you can possibly imagine--even right now.

 

Hang in there--you'll get to the other side of this.

 

In your corner.