How do I bring up the sex talk with a new girlfriend?

[Iwantittoend]

I've been dating a girl for about 3 weeks now, and we've been official for like a week. We've grown really close already and hang out just about everyday at night after we're done working. We make out a lot, cuddle, spoon, and all the like. But I kind of want to become more intimate. I don't want to push her into anything, but I just want to know what her views are on it. How do I go about approaching her on it? In all my past relationships the girl initiated it all, so I'm kind of rusty...

[waveseer]

Tell her you find her irresistible, see what she says.

[knightNshiningarmor]

ok bud...this is how sex happens...for the most part its up to the man to both escalate and respect her boundaries, a little push and pull game for some women others are just waiting for you to give the green light. My advice is the next time in a really heated make out sessions you go for a little fondling, work your way around from the hairline at the back of her neck down her shoulders to her arms accross her mid section lifting her shirt and gently drawing your nail accross her abdomen. Slowly move your hand over her body grazing, teasing her breast, start on top of her clothing then under he top, and play a little more, then you undue her braw and play a little more...its about small escalation at least the first time. But dont be afraid to try and escalate..if u over step your bounds shell correct you and let you know and you can react accordingly there is no wrong in what you do as long as you respect her through out the process...either that or you walk in there tell her you want her now and rip her clothes off one or the two.

[Clementine orange]

^^^^Ok, that was a pretty hot paragraph! (except for the "undue braw" part)

 

I think most couples just kind of fall into sex. I know I do. Intense making out in a spot where things could go farther and things just DO go farther.

 

I supposed you could just go ahead and discuss it, but I know (think I know anyway) that alot of women would rather the man just take charge and seduce them one night rather than sort of coming out during the commercial break of a rerun of CSI with "so are we going to sex it eventually or not?"

[shikashika]

Well with all the guys I've been with, I've never had the, 'should we have sex?" talk. To me that would be annoying and off-outting. I agree, it usually just escalates to something more one night.

 

Have you tried ripping her clothes off yet?

[Clementine orange]

Well with all the guys I've been with, I've never had the, 'should we have sex?" talk. To me that would be annoying and off-outting. I agree, it usually just escalates to something more one night.

 

Have you tried ripping her clothes off yet?

 

yeah, it's too clinical and anti-passion with the whole "should we have sex" talk.

 

Ripping clothes off - that's awesome. Don't surprise her with it though (unless you know for sure she wants that)

 

I've usually found that during that make out session you can tell if they want to go farther (watch for the hip thrusting manuever)

Being a woman, she's is probably waiting for you to make the move due to centuries of propaganda about women being too forward.

[Taomagicdragon]

I believe communication is far more important, not necessarily "when are we going to have sex?" but "how do you feel about it/comfort/etc?"

[KarateKate]

Aww me and my guy talked about it beforehand. I don't remember exactly how it came up. I'm pretty sure I just asked him how he felt. He was very inexperienced, though, and I wanted to make sure before jumping in.

 

However, in my previous relationship, we never talked about things-they just happened-and it was so much sweeter.

 

Even now, if my guy tries and I'm not feeling it, I correct him. Its not a big deal. If you're willing to wait, you could just wait for her to initiate. Most people have a breaking point, I think, where they want it bad enough to put aside feelings of shyness.

[ghost69]

go for it. she will stop you if she isn't ready. it's much better than conversing if you ask me.

[Cognitive_Canine]

How many partners has she had before you?

 

If you are her first, back off and let her pick the pace.

 

If she's not a virgin, just start making moves and she'll let you know what she is okay with.

[coldplay.]

"how do you feel about it/comfort/etc?"

 

The first time you have sex with your gf it should be a little more spontaneous than that or else your going to be in for a ruff next however many years your with them lol.

 

If you guys are spooning and making out and stuff, try it with reduced clothing and see where it goes, you wont be displeased, well i hope not anyway...

[dev22]

I would just be upfront with her about it. Tell her that you would really like to move on to the next level physically and ask her how she feels about that. If she says its too fast, then back off for awhile.

[hk87]

My boyfriend called me one night, he was kind of drunk and just said he wanted to have sex with me and how did I feel about it?

I said I wanted to wait for a while and was happy with just kissing him for now, then one day we were kissing and it just went further without any sort of planning. It was more "heat of the moment" than anything.

However, his sister almost walked in on us......oopsy

 

hk87

[Batya33]

I think it has to be talked about in order to see how long it's been since the person's last partner (for STD testing purposes), views on pregnancy/pregnancy risks, etc. Usually for me the talk came up the first time we planned to be alone together because that was usually way before I was ready and I would make it clear - nicely and concisely that he shouldn't read into my being alone with him as an invitation to have sex.

 

I would find a guy to be irresponsible if he tried to have sex with me without a discussion about STDs and expectations, etc.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I've been dating a girl for about 3 weeks now, and we've been official for like a week. We've grown really close already and hang out just about everyday at night after we're done working. We make out a lot, cuddle, spoon, and all the like. But I kind of want to become more intimate. I don't want to push her into anything, but I just want to know what her views are on it. How do I go about approaching her on it? In all my past relationships the girl initiated it all, so I'm kind of rusty...

 

Usually the "sex talk" or let's just say sex, comes into play after me and a new bf have gotten past heavy making out and clothes begin coming off.

Maybe you should approach with caution. Try first going for a little under the shirt action and see if she likes it or "would rather not go so fast".

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think it has to be talked about in order to see how long it's been since the person's last partner (for STD testing purposes), views on pregnancy/pregnancy risks, etc. Usually for me the talk came up the first time we planned to be alone together because that was usually way before I was ready and I would make it clear - nicely and concisely that he shouldn't read into my being alone with him as an invitation to have sex.

 

I would find a guy to be irresponsible if he tried to have sex with me without a discussion about STDs and expectations, etc.

 

That is the ideal and I definitely agree.

[waveseer]

I find it truly amazing that having sex is seen as less risky than talking about having sex.

[PsychGirly]

I think you should just slowly make new moves & see how she reacts to it. Try lifting up her shirt a little and sliding your hand up or caressing her tummy/back while you're making out, & slowly work your way up to her chest, & see how she reacts.

 

As a girl, if I don't feel comfortable or if I feel that the guy is rushing things, I'll very politely show him that I'm not ready by holding his hand if he tries something or jokingly saying "slow down babe" or something of that sort. I wouldn't get mad if he attempted, though. Only time I'd get annoyed is if he didn't respect my wishes & still continued trying (forcing) something to happen.

[WockaWocka]

I'm surprised that no one (as far as I can tell) has mentioned talking about when you were last tested for STDs and/or birth control before having sex. Not the most romantic/seductive talk, I know, but it's important to discuss at some point. As waveseer said it's amazing how much people who have sex will shy away from sex talk. And then show up on these forums worried about pregnancy or STDs!

 

Good luck, have fun.

[perth_man87]

I'm surprised that no one (as far as I can tell) has mentioned talking about when you were last tested for STDs and/or birth control before having sex. Not the most romantic/seductive talk, I know, but it's important to discuss at some point. As waveseer said it's amazing how much people who have sex will shy away from sex talk. And then show up on these forums worried about pregnancy or STDs!

 

Good luck, have fun.

 

I guess because it's in a similar vein to what Clementine Orange said- "so are we going to sex it eventually or not?" It's just an awkward question that a lot of people just don't go near beforehand, even though they really should.

[Philos]

Just make out for awhile. Ask to see her breasts. Go from there.

 

lol