Broke up with her after 1.5years, but me (dumper) feeling awful?

[AC874]

I broke up with my girlfriend on 1.5 years a week ago, although she had many qualities that I love, she was a very materliastic/egotistical/ and selfish woman who put herself above all. The clinching factor that broke us up, is that even though we are young (me - 25) - (her - 23), she never wants kids.

 

Even though there were hard times, there were many good times with long lasting memories. Its been 5 days but I miss her terribly, but know that this is good for my long-term happyness.

 

The other day she wrote a text message to my best friend "I hope he's ok, he's a great guy.. just not for me"... every since that message, i've been feeling angry as if she is trying to manipulate me for her vindication.

 

How do I move past this? I miss her and am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel with my decision.

[keefy1972]

Of course you feel bad, it's only been a week since the break up. You should maintain your stance on this as I think agreeing on children is a deal breaker.

 

Do these things to move on:

 

1. No contact - Cut off any and all ties with her. Even if this means temporarily cutting off some mutual friends. They will understand.

 

2. Throw away any and everything that you have that reminds you of her. A constant reminder of the heartbreak is terrible.

 

3. Re-arrange your living space. The fresh decor has a refreshing effect on your thoughts.

 

4. Laugh out loud - Find any and everything that you can to laugh at. Rent funny movies, watch funny videos, watch a stand up comic. Whatever suits your humor. Do it and do it often. Nothing takes away your worries as effectively as a good laugh.

 

5. Hang out with your support group. - Hang out with your buddies, hang out with family. Just with anyone that makes you feel good to be around. If they talk about your ex, or your relationship issues, ask them to stop because the constant reminding does you no favors.

 

Do those things and you will be fine.

[gundr1kr]

To me, it sounds like she text messaged your best friend that on purpose....knowing that he was going to tell you - because you are best friends. To me, that was a head game.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Yes, she is probably trying to do that - however, give her a break, she's been dumped! If that's the worst reaction that you get, then it's a pretty good break-up. And it's actually not that bad, all she's saying is that you weren't for her - and well, as you dumped her, you're NOT!

 

I'm sorry you feel bad, but take it easy and try to look forward and not back.

[franfran]

I agree, the text she sent your best friend was something she did to get to you, to hurt you. I don't blame her though, since you dumped her, as we dumpees say a lot of things we don't mean when we are hurt. Doesn't necessarily mean it's even true.

 

I think keefy has great advice. I deal with my heartbreak by surrounding myself with other people. Sometimes being alone doesn't cut it, so go out with some people, reunite with a friend you haven't spoken to in awhile, go hang out with your parents. And laugh your butt off!!

[AC874]

You see I still love this girl and I am in love with her. It's just diverging goals and views on life that will become issues.

 

I find this to be a very difficult situation, and by no means am I letting her go due to lack of feelings for her.

 

Her text really did hurt me, more than I would have expected.

[keefy1972]

Wanting children and not wanting children is a pretty HUGE difference in goals, don't you think?

[AC874]

Wanting children and not wanting children is a pretty HUGE difference in goals, don't you think?

 

Huge issue no doubt. That doesnt make the pain any less acute of losing somebody that you do love, and wish was still somehow with you, only wanting similar objectives.

[redwineplease]

No, it doesn't make it any less painful to lose someone you love. You'll just have to bite the bullet on this. There doesn't seem to be a way around it. Making the right decision is never easy. Takes a lot of courage!

[AC874]

Last night... I had a dream that she was seeing somebody else, and it literally killed me.

 

Is it normal to feel this bad even though your the dumper?

[fatesdream]

I don't know if it's normal, but I've been feeling pretty horrible after dumping my boyfriend who I still love too.

 

Just got to hold onto the feeling that this will be the best decision for the future...

[hvzgg]

Keefy has some great ideas, i love #3 bro!