Lost erection - talk about it? or ignore it?

[Pappers]

My bf and I had sex last night but it didn't go too well. He lost his erection soon after we started having sex and said "can we stop?".

 

I'm not sure why this happened. Perhaps he felt pressured to perform - we hadn't done it in about a month and he knew I was getting frustrated with the lack of sexual intimacy. For the last month he kept saying he was "tired" all the time. Then just before we started last night he said that "he was still tired but shouldn't use it as an excuse".

 

So maybe he felt pressured to perform? Does this happen often to other guys out there? Maybe I did something wrong or said something?

 

I then really had no clue what to say after that. We didn't talk about it, and I just cuddled him (not overthetop but just a little bit); I want to let him know it was ok.

 

I think that sex from now on might be tricky - next time we have it this will undoubetdly be on his mind and the last thing I want is for him to feel pressured and go soft again.

 

Advice from anyone on how best to act after something like this?

 

Thank you ---------

[arwen]

The lack of intimacy is definitely a reason for concern I'd say. Do you have any clue why he seems so uninterested in sex? Do you know about previous sexual relationships he had? How was your sexlife before this month without?

[Pappers]

He says he is always "tired" and under a lot of pressure from work.

 

The only thing I know about past relationships is his "number" which is 26 - this seems really really high to me considering how unsexual he is with me. I have posted about this concern of mine before.

 

Sex life before this was ok, but not good. We have only just started dating (4 months). We would have sex maybe 1 a week (to me this is pretty low and I have a high sex drive so it is hard for me).

 

The sex when we do have it is not particularly good - I figured until now it is because we are getting used to a new partner. But now I'm not so sure.

 

I also feel a bit down because I'm guessing that he's still masturbating - so why can't he get it on with me instead?

 

So frustrating......

[Taomagicdragon]

 

I also feel a bit down because I'm guessing that he's still masturbating - so why can't he get it on with me instead?

 

So frustrating......

 

Don't guess he is, or isn't, find out for certain.

 

If he isn't then:

Stress, Medical, Performance anxiety, having an affair (unlikely but listin it anyway), etc

 

If he is then:

Performance anxiety, having an affair, etc

 

Likely, it's a combination of a low-sex drive with PA, despite the fact his number of previous relationships was high to you that doesn't mean he was having sex every night with all 26 of them, so don't make that connection.

 

Communicate, talk with him.

[blue69]

Stress and other environmental factors can affect a person's mental response to sexuality. This is for both men and women. If he considers it important he may want to look at ways to improve his environment. Reduce / learn to deal with some of the things that are creating stress. Exercise, eat right, relaxation (hobbies and ways to deal with time management).

 

Whenever a man feels to tired or stressed out to have sex they may want to go and have their testosterone levels checked. There are physical factors that can affect them physically which in turn affect them mentally. A low testosterone level can affect libido and even performance (ability to maintain an erection). In my opinion whenever you feel a dramatic change in your response to sexuality you might want to have a discussion with your doctor. Make sure that you are physically in good shape. Then work on the mental/emotional aspect.

 

Good luck.

[arwen]

The number 26, how many of those partners were actual girlfriends? It could be that he in fact has a harder time making love than having sex.

 

This can't really continue like this if you are very sexual yourself, so yes, address it to him. I'd ask him upfront, or tell him that you'd like to have more sex.

 

What happens if you initiate sex, will he actually reject you?