Men Online : Only interested in one thing?

[Ammy]

Okay guys, I've done my fair share of internet dating now.. but I am still learning new things..

 

So girls / women would you be concerned if you meet a guy and day 1 of chatting he starts asking to see you full length (ie on webcam) and shows his body to you (nothing rude, just the full length) and talks a bit too much about seeing you properly, seeing you in your pjs, you being cute... etc... does that mean he is truly a perve out for one thing.. or is this normal for people to be curious??

 

I feel a bit strange, he makes it into a joke, but the fact that he asks repeatedly makes me uncomfortable! I obviously do not yield, I am a smart girl and I do have my boundaries.

 

I think I know the answer to my query though.. he's interested in one thing... funny thing is my profile makes me out as I am - which is a nice, smart girl with good values and his seems to show he's interested in smart girls, not just out for some "flesh" for want of better words... hehe..

 

Anyway it sucks, it's always the cute ones that turn out to have the wrong personalities...

 

Ammy

[NewPhillyGuy]

Listen to your gut, Ammy.

 

I can understand a guy wanting to see a picture of you full length. Not to sound shallow, but some girls who are extremely overweight will only post pictures of their face to hide that. Myself, I'm not attracted to girls who are very overweight, so when a person tells me they are in good shape, provides misleading photos, and then I see the real thing in person, I am annoyed by their dishonesty.

 

If you are providing complete photos and this guy is still pushing it, it would feel very fishy to me too. There's no reason to be doing the webcam thing, in my opinion. If he can see a complete picture of you, that's that. Wanting to see you in pjs, etc, that just sounds weird, and if I were you, I'd probably run, not walk.

 

I've read some of your posts about the guys you are meeting, and seriously, I'd like to smack my gender. You seem like a really sweet girl, and you're darn cute from the pictures you have posted on here. Keep on plugging, and you'll find someone decent. I'm in the same boat as you - trying to find someone great.

 

-NPG

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I see nothing wrong with him asking to see you fully dressed, in jeans and normal clothes and not in sexual situations. But if he's asking for p.j.s, sleeping attire or whatever when you haven't even met him face to face and dated, he's a perv and you should just terminate talking to him at all.

 

There's lots of them out there, and especially online becuase they can hide behind anonymity, and many are married or with other women and using the net to spice up their lives.

 

Just recognize that a certain percentage are going to be skeevy, and cut them off the second they do the pervy stuff. There are decent guys looking on the net too, and they'll treat you with respect.

[Ammy]

Thanks guys, yeah I think I will go with my gut and block this guy...

 

Bummer, everytime I get a contact from someone who looks like a good match, this happens!!!!

 

 

 

I do get the full length thing though, women tend to lie about their weight, men about their height.. so it's good to know for sure before the in meeting disappointment... but the pjs thing was too much!!

 

BTW thanks NewPhillyGuy - you're sweet, I wish there were some more sweet guys in Sydney!!!!! grrr!!

 

Ammy

[D_Lish]

I see nothing wrong in them wanting a full length pic.....but a guy asking to see me in my pjs and after a day. I'd think he was an oddball...lol

[Batya33]

When I did on line dating I immediately nexted any guy who asked to see a full length pic, who did the whole "pajamas" kind of commentary (no it is not original, lol). I listed my height and weight (and clothing size) on my profile, I had four pics, one of which was I think from the waist and above, and I am very slim and in good shape. I used to do personal ads which very often involved no pictures so I understood that a picture was necessary (especially when it became so easy to upload one) but the picky stuff was a huge turn off to me.

 

I was contacted by many men who seemed to want just sex. It didn't bother me because of the "click", "delete" and "block" alternatives - it took a few seconds, maybe at most a few minutes, to figure it out. I did date two people more than once who ended up wanting just sex but I figured it out pretty fast with one (first real date) and with the other one, I was unfortunately and completely smitten, and allowed myself to be duped (no, we did not have sex but we dated for 8 weeks until he dumped me for not having sex with him, which he expected on the second or third date. then we dated again over a year later with the clear understanding - again - that I would not be having casual sex. This time it lasted about 5 weeks.

 

I give that as an example because out of over 100 men I met, I would say that probably only those two expected sex early on - the probably hundreds that I screened - and nexted - before meeting - who just wanted sex is to me par for the course. I assume that had I gone clubbing I would have encountered at least the same percentage of men who catcalled me or who otherwise made it clear they were out to get laid. While I didn't happen to find a serious relationship through on line (but I did through personal ads) it wasn't because of the "I just wanna get laid" issue.

[tsarevnaelena]

Listen to your gut, Ammy.

 

I can understand a guy wanting to see a picture of you full length. Not to sound shallow, but some girls who are extremely overweight will only post pictures of their face to hide that. Myself, I'm not attracted to girls who are very overweight, so when a person tells me they are in good shape, provides misleading photos, and then I see the real thing in person, I am annoyed by their dishonesty.

 

Um ..?

 

I have never ever seen an, as you say "extremely overweight" person who could post just a picture of their face and have people not be able to tell they are "extremely overweight." Unless photoshopping or other trickery was involved. Of course, if your idea of "extremely overweight" is an extra 15 or so pounds, then I could see how this could happen.

 

Sorry. I've just heard stuff before from guys who tell me not to online date because "fat" girls lie about their weight, and I really cannot see how that is possible, even with just a face picture.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Thanks guys, yeah I think I will go with my gut and block this guy...

 

Bummer, everytime I get a contact from someone who looks like a good match, this happens!!!!

 

 

 

I do get the full length thing though, women tend to lie about their weight, men about their height.. so it's good to know for sure before the in meeting disappointment... but the pjs thing was too much!!

 

BTW thanks NewPhillyGuy - you're sweet, I wish there were some more sweet guys in Sydney!!!!! grrr!!

 

Ammy

 

Yeah, I feel the same about girls in my area. Cheers, man.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Um ..?

 

I have never ever seen an, as you say "extremely overweight" person who could post just a picture of their face and have people not be able to tell they are "extremely overweight." Unless photoshopping or other trickery was involved. Of course, if your idea of "extremely overweight" is an extra 15 or so pounds, then I could see how this could happen.

 

Sorry. I've just heard stuff before from guys who tell me not to online date because "fat" girls lie about their weight, and I really cannot see how that is possible, even with just a face picture.

 

I'm not that picky, and yes, it is possible to have a face which is pretty thin but the rest of the body not be. I've seen this many times before in my online dating experiences.

[Mutley]

I'm not that picky, and yes, it is possible to have a face which is pretty thin but the rest of the body not be. I've seen this many times before in my online dating experiences.

 

To be honest....I've been surprised on more than one "face to face" meetings.

[tsarevnaelena]

@ Mutley and NewPhillyGuy. Wow. Live and learn, I guess. I personally have never seen that, but I believe you guys. I always thought full-body pics were the norm for most sites anyway. Never heard of someone just sending a face pic.

 

@ Ammy, this guy sounds like trouble. Some guys who do online dating feel as if it's a "hunting" ground for easy sex. Not all guys that date online are like that, so don't get discouraged, but I'd get away from this one, quick.

[Ammy]

Yeah I've heard guys complain about girls not being truthful about their weight - it's usually the difference between slim and average, or average and overweight, I doubt an overweight girl could deceive completely with a face shot...

 

Men lie about their height, I have found this on so many occasions, almost all men online are 5ft11... and in real life they're like 5ft9, and I'm on par with them in heels - which is fine, but why lie?

 

I don't know why people do this, it sets them up for failure, pretending to be someone their not.

 

Anyway that guy tried to chat to me on msn again, he didn't ask for any more pics / webcam etc.. I gave him a chance (I'm on holidays and bored...) but it was just boring and the content was just so stilted and so even if he's not dodgy, he's just not my type no matter how cute he is!

 

Ammy

[veda999]

I think I know the answer to my query though.. he's interested in one thing... funny thing is my profile makes me out as I am - which is a nice, smart girl with good values and his seems to show he's interested in smart girls, not just out for some "flesh" for want of better words... hehe..

 

Anyway it sucks, it's always the cute ones that turn out to have the wrong personalities...

 

Ammy

 

I'm starting to think that is true. My friend had a meeting with a guy with a lovely profile, all about relationships, etc., and the guy was handsy, kept running his hands over her back and backside after 2 hours of conversation. Are girls who go online seen as "easy"? I'm starting to wonder myself.

[Ammy]

 

I'm starting to think that is true. My friend had a meeting with a guy with a lovely profile, all about relationships, etc., and the guy was handsy, kept running his hands over her back and backside after 2 hours of conversation. Are girls who go online seen as "easy"? I'm starting to wonder myself.

 

 

I don't know I guess they may think we're more "desperate" as we're online.. so we'll be easier? Who knows...

 

I have to say I have met a few men from online dating and none have them have tried anything on me.. There have only been 1 or 2 who I have screened online that I think are more into a physical relaationship and nothing else. So don't be too put off - just ensure you screen them well!

 

Ammy

[D_Lish]

I think half of them will say they are looking for the 'one'......that is just pretence and they really mean 'sex'.

 

Men online, will say and have you believe everything and anything, in order to get what they want. And if they don't get what they want from one woman, well are thousands upon thousands of other 'gullibles' to choose from. Spoilt for choice basically. It's a good looking guys paradise....having a constant string of woman, falling at his online profile and who can't wait to meet him....*throws up* lol

[Lowconfidence]

I think half of them will say they are looking for the 'one'......that is just pretence and they really mean 'sex'.

 

Men online, will say and have you believe everything and anything, in order to get what they want. And if they don't get what they want from one woman, well are thousands upon thousands of other 'gullibles' to choose from. Spoilt for choice basically. It's a good looking guys paradise....having a constant string of woman, falling at his online profile and who can't wait to meet him....*throws up* lol

 

This rings true for most of the men who do on-line dating.

 

In fact do two profiles. Leave your existing one on. And then create another one in the intimate profile section with no picture. Tweak it a bit so there's major differences between the two. Sit back and watch all the horny guys with a bunch of profiles respond to you.

[chocolates]

Have a look at my thread ammy. Its all the same. Im in australia too.

 

 

[D_Lish]

This rings true for most of the men who do on-line dating.

 

In fact do two profiles. Leave your existing one on. And then create another one in the intimate profile section with no picture. Tweak it a bit so there's major differences between the two. Sit back and watch all the horny guys with a bunch of profiles respond to you.

 

Already done it....lol. I had a profile with no pic when I first joined and then I set up a 'main' one with pics, without deleting the initial one.

Amazing how many guys will chat to a faceless profile also. So a lot aint fussy as to who they may be chatting with..

All I can say is, that a lot of men are like 'dogs in heat' on these sites...and anyone will do.

[maverick554]

Definitley stop talking to him, he sounds like a perv and someone who is not safe to meet in person. But please don't think that all men on online dating sites are pervs just looking to get laid. I met my gf online and we have been together for 4 months and it has been great, I have always been interested in her as a person, and never just saw her as a vessel for sex.

[Ammy]

Well update on this thread. I was bored and kept chatting.. Anyway we met in person (probably not the best idea) but it was okay, he wasn't a perve at all... He was just a guy who was a bit insecure and said those things cos he thought that was what girls like. He was fine in person, but unfortunately I didn't feel a connection.

[Brightest Dark]

 

I give that as an example because out of over 100 men I met, I would say that probably only those two expected sex early on - the probably hundreds that I screened - and nexted - before meeting - who just wanted sex is to me par for the course.

 

Too bad you didn't click, Ammy, although it did sound weird what he was saying.

 

Batya - I've gotta ask - 100 dates to me seems quite a lot (maybe it's not and I just don't bother meeting a guy unless I really like him)... Don't you wish you hadn't bothered even meeting 90% of those guys!? lol. I mean, I know you give a lot of good advice on here... but wasting time meeting 100 guys... and going 'next' after them..? I know you have said on here that you would often arrange to meet a guy soon to find out if you got on rather than wasted time writing back and forth, but do you ever think your judgement has been bad - because you agreed to meet so many guys and then found out they weren't worth meeting after all?

 

I've probably met up with no more than 5 guys I was interested in in the last decade (mostly because I'm so picky, although I'd love to meet that shy guy who gave me the awesome hug who lives in a different country! lol). I can't imagine how it must feel to meet 100 guys and be disillusioned with most of them. I guess you got rewarded for your patience in the end though!

[Batya33]

This was about 100 guys over a 5 year period, and I met less than half of the men I spoke to on the phone and probably 20 percent of the men I emailed with - so just consider that this was out of hundreds of men. In my city, even a narrow search (narrowed for education level/religion/interest in getting married/age) yielded well over 500 results each time- could have been far more than 500 but that's all the search engine told me. Since I limited my email contact and phone contact (and almost never instant messaged), I didn't spend as much time on line "chatting" as you would think.

 

Out of the 100 men I met I was interested in seeing probably half of them again, and I got asked out by over half of the men I met in person (of course not the same exact group I was interested in - those are the breaks ;-). I would say I wasted my time meeting about 10-15 of them - based on weirdness or them being nothing like they represented themselves to be -meaning, one seemed to be stoned, one had severe facial paralysis and scarring, things like that.

 

I don't regret it because had I been going out to bars/clubbing for the same amount of time I am sure that each time I would have spent the same hour speaking to men who weren't a good match - or some other singles activity like that.

 

I wasn't disillusioned in the least - to me it was simply meeting a stranger for 45 minutes or even less to see if we should go on a date - on the rare occasions I felt burnt out, I took a break, no big deal. Disillusionment seems to me a reaction based on getting attached or getting ones hopes up in advance that the person will be a match. That was not my mindset.

[starpoint]

I think a full-length picture is fine, but PJs...no way. That is totally perverted.

[Brightest Dark]

I wasn't disillusioned in the least - to me it was simply meeting a stranger for 45 minutes or even less to see if we should go on a date - on the rare occasions I felt burnt out, I took a break, no big deal. Disillusionment seems to me a reaction based on getting attached or getting ones hopes up in advance that the person will be a match. That was not my mindset.

 

Ok. Thanks for the reply and info. That's cool they were shortish meetings. I guess I'm not the type to meet so many people, as I'm shy so I prefer to get to know them better online before actually taking the time to meet in person (esp since it takes me 3 hours to get ready to go out! LOL). Although when I do then meet someone it's always for a few hours. The first meeting with that last guy I met was at 3pm and I made excuses to leave at 7.45pm. He'd have stayed longer if I hadn't made an excuse to leave. I'd have stayed longer had there not been a TV prog I wanted to watch at home LOL.

[Batya33]

Oh - several of the meetings lasted longer but the typical plan was to meet for dessert or coffee or something similarly short so that there wouldn't be pressure or an expectation of a real date - this was just to meet in person. It took me about 20 minutes extra to get ready for a first meet (meaning, I wasn't usually just getting ready for a first meet - often I had more than one plan for the day, and sometimes more than one first meet.

 

I don't advocate meeting this many people in person - for me it made sense because I was looking for a good match for a long term serious relationship, and because I thought it was better to spend my time that way than going out to bars or clubs - I was much more comfortable with one on one meetings and was very good at it - meaning I didn't get nervous, I felt confident in my social skills, etc.